Mar 11, 2013
When do you pray?
Here are some noted people and their answers on when to pray – and when we should pray …
When our own wisdom is not enough.
“I have been driven many times
upon my knees
by the overwhelming conviction
that I had no where else to go.
My own wisdom and that of all about me
seemed insufficient for that day.”
~ Abraham Lincoln
For every thing – small and large:
“Any concern too small to be turned into a prayer is too small to be made into a burden.”
~ Corrie ten Boom
When we have too much to do:
“I have so much to do that I shall spend the first three hours in prayer.”
~Martin Luther
When we’re tired of praying – when it’s no fun anymore:
“It is a common temptation of Satan to make us give up the reading of the Word and prayer when our enjoyment is gone; as if it were of no use to read the Scriptures when we do not enjoy them, and as if it were no use to pray when we have no spirit of prayer.”
~ George Mueller
When we need to accomplish something:
“There is literally nothing that I ever asked to do, that I asked the blessed Creator to help me to do, that I have not been able to accomplish.”
~George Washington Carver
When we don’t have the words:
“In prayer it is better to have a heart without words than words without a heart.”
~ John Bunyan
Prayer is Personal
There are so many books available on prayer. (a few sit on my book shelves) Though prayer can be studied, and we can model our prayers by hearing others pray, it really can’t be taught.
Prayer is a life-long expression – a growing conversation – a beautiful connection. (Tweet This)
Do you use the power of prayer for your spouse?
It doesn’t matter whether you pray in private, or journal your prayers, or pray with your children, and with your spouse – what does matter is that you’re pursuing a conversation with God – and as Jesus taught,
“So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.”
~ Luke 11:9,10
How have you grown your prayer life?
When do you pray for your spouse?
Thankful to Link with:
Marital Oneness Mondays | Matrimonial Mondays
Feb 27, 2013
Husbands and wives are different.
Just being a male and a female ensures you won’t be alike. Physically that’s true. There are books written about how men and women think and process ideas differently. ( Books like: Men Are Like Waffles–Women Are Like Spaghetti: Understanding and Delighting in Your Differences
.)
But uniqueness goes deeper than the physical and the mental ways husbands and wives connect. You know what I’m talking about – your spouse is not like anyone else in this universe and all eternity.
In what ways is your spouse unique?
Have you ever made a list of ways – a combination of qualities – your spouse is unlike anyone else you know? (Hey now – I’m talking about the good stuff! Stay with me…)
Robert and I are together most days – all day. We write and work from home unless we’re with clients or traveling to speak. (Though we even do that together sometimes.) I’ve known Robert since he was 17 years old. We know each other very well – so well that sometimes he just looks at the expression on my face and can “read” me. Conversely, I know what he’s feeling when his lips are held tight together and colorless. (Not a good sign, btw)
You’d think that with all this time together we’d run out of things to talk about or always agree because we’re so meshed together. Not true. At all.
Robert is unique – God has made this man special in every way. He usually comes at any task or challenge in a way that I would not have considered. And visa-versa. He knows me so well – yet he says I surprise him constantly. It’s deeper than just a male/female thing.
Our uniqueness is God-given. God designed. And ever-growing.
I’m guessing you realize that the person you married is not the same today as when you were first married. We all grow and change – that process alone makes us unique. Our walk with God – our depth of faith and experiences of faith cause us to grow. Sometimes it’s the hardships and challenges that develop our uniqueness especially quickly.
Do you know the unique person your spouse is today? Or are you only assuming he or she is the same…
Take time to consider your spouse’s unique qualities.
~~~~~~~~~~
How? One way is to pull out all the photos.
I did this last week. I was looking for a specific photo of Robert taken on the day we were engaged 30 years ago. That led to a few hours of a photo safari. An emotional safari. So many good and happy moments are documented in pictures. There’s also sadness because people are no longer in our lives because of death or circumstance. There are even emotions of regret and longing because certain aspects will never be experienced again.
In those photos I saw Robert go from a teenager, to a young husband, move forward to a young father, then in business, back to University, serving God in many capacities, navigating a corporate career, and leading at home, at work and in faith.
Some qualities have remained the same – Robert’s dedication and pursuit of a relationship with Christ, his gentleness and his consistent optimism. Other qualities have shown up over the years like wisdom and focus and fortitude.
(And before you go and roll your eyes – yes… both Robert and I have faults. Ha. We show our uniqueness-es in our areas of weakness too. But this post is about encouragement while focusing on strengths.)
Identifying Uniqueness
Before you can encourage your spouse’s uniqueness, you need to identify what it is about your spouse that is unique. Some of us don’t give this much thought.
Perhaps in a summer or spring season of marriage it’s not too hard to think about the positive uniqueness of your spouse. However, I’d imagine focusing on positive uniqueness-es is more difficult if you’re going through a winter season in your marriage – where there’s a lot of chilly moments, with emotional gales and blizzards. (Read Gary Chapman’s The 4 Seasons of Marriage: Secrets to a Lasting Marriage
to delve into this concept.)
Are you struggling to put into words what is unique about your spouse?
Can you identify the values that are important to your spouse – qualities which are non-negotiables? Robert has been working with values for a number of years now. He’s defined over 400 values. If you’re struggling to identify your spouse’s unique qualities, download Robert’s free eBook – all the value words are there at the end of the book.
Go through the list of 423 words and mark off those values – qualities – that you identify as uniquely belonging to your spouse. There will be a collection.
And before you think that anyone can have the same collection – it’s not true.
Robert does an exercise in his presentations with groups of 50 – 80 and more than 100 people. He has them go through these 400+ words and choose their top 3 values. Then he requests one person to read their top 3 values. He asks the group if anyone else shares at least one of these values. A number of hands will rise. He then asks if these people share two of the same values as the chosen person. Many hands drop. Lastly he asks if any of the people with their hands still raised share all three of the values of the chosen person… In every exercise, not one hand remains raised. The chosen person who first read his top three values is unique in that room. No one shares his 3 values. (If it would happen that there was another person in the room with the same values, Robert would ask them what their 4th value was – it’s almost numerically impossible to match 4 values.)
Encouraging your spouse’s uniqueness.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Now that you know your spouse’s unique qualities or values – how can you encourage your spouse in that area?
Start small. Talk about what you believe are your spouse’s unique qualities. Your first goal is to be sure that she or he also feels those qualities are positive.
- Affirm your spouse’s uniqueness by noticing when they’re using that value. Encouragement is about being present and paying attention.
- Help along. Become invested in those areas of uniqueness in your spouse. Look for ways in which to complement (enhance & complete) those qualities in your spouse. God put you two together for reason!
- Pray for your spouse – ask God to use your spouse in His way to glorify Him. (after-all, it’s God that made your spouse unique)
- Accept with grace your spouse’s unique qualities. Stop kvetching. Remove the conditions and move toward embracing your spouse’s uniqueness. Love your spouse without the barrier of your own opinions.
- Look Forward – There will be ways in which God will open avenues and opportunities for your spouse. Our Great God is about possibility. There is nothing that can stand in the way of His will. (Unless it’s us humans who use the gift of free will to get in His way.)
God made your spouse unique – your husband or wife is special.
Just like no two snow-flakes are the same, and even identical twins (paternal/maternal from the same egg & sperm) are not the same and no finger print or iris pattern is identical…
your spouse is unique.
In what ways is your spouse unique?
Leave a comment – let’s share the uniqueness of the wife or husband God has given us!
How has your spouse shown this uniqueness? How have you encouraged her or him?
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Jan 31, 2013
When you want circumstances to change,
– start with where you’re looking –
take time to pray.
Prayer is an action. Prayer changes things. Prayer uplifts.
Uplifted = raised & elevated.
When you’re raised up and elevated, what happens?
You can see!
You can see clearly. You can see over. You can see around. You can see past.
Encouraging your spouse with prayer is like taking her or him up in an air-balloon.
Prayer cannot remain on the ground.
Prayer is directed
Upwards
to the One who can make a difference – the One who can change circumstances.
Drop to your knees and ask for help. Intercede on behalf of your spouse.
Robert and I have a “catch phrase” for the times when we find ourselves becoming caught up in events, people’s emotions, and issues. It’s easy to get turned around, and mired and sunk in grounded things. Things on the ground.
What’s the phrase we use? It’s “minutia” . Minutia means minor details.
And that’s what you can get caught up with if you don’t focus on prayer. Unless it’s from God’s perspective – it’s all minutia. Unless it’s “working all things for good” – it’s minutia.
Prayer raises us up – high – so God can show us His view.
When Robert prays for me – and I can pray for him – and we pray together, then all the minutia can be identified.
How do you separate the minutia of life from God’s view of what is important?
Linking up with:
Happy Wives Club “WhyI Love My Husband” Link up
Jan 22, 2013
What are you praying for – and over – your spouse?
Do you use scripture verses?
When you don’t have your own words,
Or can’t find words,
Turn to the One who has and is ALL.
Uplift with Prayer
Have courage.
Encourage.
When I was a child, my German grandmother taught me my first bedtime prayer. It was a child’s rote prayer:
“Ich bin klein, mein Herz ist rein. Soll neimand drin wohnen, als Jesus allein.”
(“I am small, my heart is pure. Let no one live in it but Jesus alone.”)
Robert recalls saying “Grace” with his family at the dinner table when he grew up:
“For what we are about to receive, may the Lord make us truly thankful.”
Sometimes the shortest prayer is, “Dear Lord, HELP!” Prayer can start with a small shoot, and grow into a mighty tree. Think of a tall, mature, tree – with its branches filled with leaves and spread wide… what a blessing that shade can be under a scorching sun.
When we were babies, we didn’t have the ability to communicate with words – yet our caregivers could take one look at us and understand our needs. If you’re a mom or dad, you know what I mean.
Prayer is conversation with God. Our loving heavenly Father.
Have courage – just begin.
Then develop.
By taking your
concerns and fears and worries and hopes and anger, and tears, and regrets, and desires, and embarrassments, and failures, and ills, and decisions, and misunderstandings, and thoughts, and thanks
to God
You can release everything into His care.
He cares.
Prayer changes things.
Lift up your spouse.
A few suggestions because learning to pray is a process…
from Scripture:
- pray that your spouse would “Trust in the Lord with all (his/her) heart, and lean not on (his/her) own understanding.” This is adapted from Proverbs 3:5 .
- pray that he/she can “Rejoice always, pray continually, and give thanks in all circumstances.” from 1Thessalonians 5:18
- pray that he/she has “the peace of God, which transcends all understanding” from Philippians 4:7
Take a look at
this blog post from The Time Warp Wife. She has downloadable prayer cards with many ideas.
Books:
I’ve found Stormie Omartian’s books to be a solid resource when praying for Robert and our adult children. If you’d like free ideas, there’s a list of 30 ways to pray for your husband here at Family life.
31 Days:
Is a deeper prayer life part of your focus for 2013? Start by focusing on your spouse – take a look at this 31 Days of Praying for Your Husband from Revive our Hearts.
(I’m sorry – most of these resources are for wives to pray for their husbands – but I’m sure if you’re a husband, you can adapt these ideas.)
What does the Bible say about praying for each other?
“Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful.” Colossians 4:2
“Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the body is weak.” Matthew 26:41
“And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.” Ephesians 6:18
To read more about what the Bible says about praying for each other click here.
How my husband prays…
Robert prays for me – I hear his prayers when we’re together. I also know when his office door is closed in the morning, he is on his knees reaching out to God. He prays for our family, including our adult children with their concerns. He prays for his parents who are in the midst of some challenges. He prays for my widowed mother. He prays for our congregational members, and God’s work – spreading the Gospel. He prays for our daily life and our finances. He kneels at the side of our bed and we pray together. Often, he’ll come in from a drive and mention he turned off the radio and just had a chat with the Lord all the way home.
Over at Women Living Well, Courtney has begun a challenge. A Valentine challenge. The first task is to praise my husband verbally. The first thought that came to mind was how much I appreciate how Robert has been drawn to pray during this season of our life. I do feel like his prayers are like a huge oak tree with wide branches covering me. (And yes, I’ll be telling him – hopefully before he reads this! 😉 )
So, now you know how Robert prays for me…
How do you pray for your spouse?
Leave a comment – share what you’re asking and we all can join together in prayer.
“Again, I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven.” Matthew 18:19
Linking up with
A Proverbs 31 Wife
Marriage Moments at Great Peace Academy
Women Living Well
Wifey Wednesdays
Jan 8, 2013
This painting is an “elaborate fiction” commissioned by a grieving widower.
My mom and I visited the North Carolina Museum of Art during Christmas holidays. It’s an amazing collection of works of art. As we viewed a gallery, took some photos (without a flash) and read the notes at the side of each painting, a commentary struck me:
“… an ideal image of himself, the self he wishes to bequeath to posterity.”
Unlike photos, where we might be caught unaware and exactly as we are, commissioned paintings were meant to present an ideal.
The painting above is of the Pepperrell Family, painted by John Singleton Copely. This family – one of the wealthiest in Boston – was loyal to England, and was exiled around the time of the American Revolution. (1776) When the painting was commissioned, two of its figures were gone.
Lady Pepperrell died “tragically” (I don’t know the story because it isn’t listed), and her husband commissioned the portrait of the family to appear as “a comforting vision of what might have been had not war and death come knocking.” The baby boy between the mom and dad had also died.
A nobleman. A soldier. A Cardinal.
Three other commissioned paintings showed men in the light they wanted to be seen: a haughty air of nobility, an attitude of courageousness, and a demeanor of sanctimonious piety.
How do we appear?
Your spouse sees you – all the time.
He or she sees you when you’re fighting a cold and your nose is a pretty shade of crimson. You’re seen when you’re dressed to celebrate New Year’s Eve at the fanciest hotel in your town. Your spouse has seen you clothed and unclothed, at the peak and when your appearance is scraping the bottom of the barrel.
There’s no “elaborate fiction” in a marriage relationship.
Chances are, most of us will not be commissioning a wall-sized portrait done in oils in 2013. Any photos that are taken will document our life.
But what really becomes our legacy?
Our relationships become our gift to the next generation.
Photos or paintings evoke an emotion. I’m sure that Sir Pepperell gazed at his commissioned painting with longing, because no matter what he did, he couldn’t make the composition a reality. I don’t know if he and his wife had a loving relationship. Perhaps.
Forget about appearing as the ideal image – work on living.
Image doesn’t matter. Action matters.
If you and your spouse have a solid, loving and work-able relationship (notice I didn’t say “perfect”), your legacy to your children and grandchildren’s grandchildren will outlast any photo or painting. It’s called blessing.
No need to pretend or project “an ideal image… to bequeath to posterity” – you’ll have lived it.
What are you doing – today – to make your relationship with your spouse… more?
Here are a few ideas, in no specific order:
- Pray with your spouse – an active prayer life combats fear
- Smile. Smile at your spouse.
- Be kind. Expect nothing – just be kind.
- Listen. If you’re far away from your spouse in distance, a listening ear is like a virtual hug.
- Encourage. Put courage into your spouse – it has to start somewhere, why not with you?
This list is pretty simple – but the simple ideas are often the keys that open locked doors…
Leave a comment – add to the list!
What else could you do to add to a good relationship with your spouse?
Linking up with
My Daily Walk in His Grace
Rediscovering Domesticity
Leaving a Legacy
Wedded Wednesday
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