This painting is an “elaborate fiction” commissioned by a grieving widower.
My mom and I visited the North Carolina Museum of Art during Christmas holidays. It’s an amazing collection of works of art. As we viewed a gallery, took some photos (without a flash) and read the notes at the side of each painting, a commentary struck me:
“… an ideal image of himself, the self he wishes to bequeath to posterity.”
Unlike photos, where we might be caught unaware and exactly as we are, commissioned paintings were meant to present an ideal.
The painting above is of the Pepperrell Family, painted by John Singleton Copely. This family – one of the wealthiest in Boston – was loyal to England, and was exiled around the time of the American Revolution. (1776) When the painting was commissioned, two of its figures were gone.
Lady Pepperrell died “tragically” (I don’t know the story because it isn’t listed), and her husband commissioned the portrait of the family to appear as “a comforting vision of what might have been had not war and death come knocking.” The baby boy between the mom and dad had also died.
A nobleman. A soldier. A Cardinal.
Three other commissioned paintings showed men in the light they wanted to be seen: a haughty air of nobility, an attitude of courageousness, and a demeanor of sanctimonious piety.
How do we appear?
Your spouse sees you – all the time.
He or she sees you when you’re fighting a cold and your nose is a pretty shade of crimson. You’re seen when you’re dressed to celebrate New Year’s Eve at the fanciest hotel in your town. Your spouse has seen you clothed and unclothed, at the peak and when your appearance is scraping the bottom of the barrel.
There’s no “elaborate fiction” in a marriage relationship.
Chances are, most of us will not be commissioning a wall-sized portrait done in oils in 2013. Any photos that are taken will document our life.
But what really becomes our legacy?
Our relationships become our gift to the next generation.
Photos or paintings evoke an emotion. I’m sure that Sir Pepperell gazed at his commissioned painting with longing, because no matter what he did, he couldn’t make the composition a reality. I don’t know if he and his wife had a loving relationship. Perhaps.
Forget about appearing as the ideal image – work on living.
Image doesn’t matter. Action matters.
If you and your spouse have a solid, loving and work-able relationship (notice I didn’t say “perfect”), your legacy to your children and grandchildren’s grandchildren will outlast any photo or painting. It’s called blessing.
No need to pretend or project “an ideal image… to bequeath to posterity” – you’ll have lived it.
What are you doing – today – to make your relationship with your spouse… more?
Here are a few ideas, in no specific order:
- Pray with your spouse – an active prayer life combats fear
- Smile. Smile at your spouse.
- Be kind. Expect nothing – just be kind.
- Listen. If you’re far away from your spouse in distance, a listening ear is like a virtual hug.
- Encourage. Put courage into your spouse – it has to start somewhere, why not with you?
This list is pretty simple – but the simple ideas are often the keys that open locked doors…
Leave a comment – add to the list!
What else could you do to add to a good relationship with your spouse?
Linking up with
-01.png)
I think one of the best gifts we can give each other is loyalty. I have known many people who talk trash about their spouse when he/she isn’t there. I find that despicable. My husband and I both know that the other would never do that.
Loyalty.
That’s perfect – and so rare. Loyalty is one of those values that isn’t about us – it’s about the other person. It often requires sacrifice.
Thanks for commenting, Mary – and for adding to the list!
Agree completely – being able to work and talk through tough times with respect and kindness is the greatest gift we can give our kids! Now that’s ideal… I guess we just do the best we can and talk about that too!
Respect is so valuable – and talking through the tough times, even when it’s easier to walk away, shows how deeply spouses value their relationship. Thanks for commenting, and for your insights.
Communicate! Talk! About anything and everything!
It’s all about communication! So true. If we would only take more time to talk… and really listen. Thanks for commenting, Caro!
Thanks for this great article. I am so glad I readed it!
Dutch blogging mom.
Thank you for taking the time to read, and I’m thankful you enjoyed. Many blessings!
“Our relationships become our gift to the next generation.” Love that.
Thanks for commenting, Eileen.
(I’m becoming more aware as our kids are grown-ups, of what we provided as an example, and where we failed… So the legacy things are in the forefront of my mind.)
This is great and love the response that follows! Shows that we are all looking for ways to minister to our husbands. I’ll add to the list: tell your husband how much you appreciate what he does for your family/you. It’s something we think they already know but saying it in words has such an amazing effect. Saying it alone to your husband is great, but saying it in front of your children fosters in them a deeper respect towards their father. Like you said, “The simple ideas are often the keys that open locked doors.”
Expressing our appreciation – YES! We all need to feel appreciated. Thank you for adding to the list!
I agree with Mary. Loyalty is definitely one of the best gifts we can give our spouse. There is nothing a husband/wife wants from a spouse more than trust. Friendship is also an important aspect of a healthy marriage. I believe that friendship is the key to a healthy and happy marriage. I married my friend of about 2 years. When we got married, it just made many things easier. Like many of my other married friends, I didn’t have to hesitate to talk about anything that was troubling me. I could go up to him anytime and say anything that was on my mind, knowing he would understand. Trust me; you want a friend in a husband. It is definitely the best combination having your best friend and husband in one person! You get the best package!
Love your addition – friendship is vital. Your description of friendship in marriage is perfect. “The best package!”