When was the last time you expressed gratitude in your marriage
– and said, “Thank you.” to your spouse?
Gratitude in Marriage
Gratitude. Thankfulness.It’s important to tell your spouse how thankful you are.Sometimes we’ll say, “Thank you.” to a stranger, before we’ll say it to our spouse! This is number 2 of 101 phrases to encourage your spouse – see the video of Alex and Alisane saying these phrases to each other – by going to “The Video” and also see the other posts in this series.
The Big Picture
Courtesy isn’t a luxury in marriage – it’s a necessity. Courtesy – including saying “thank you” – demonstrates how much you value your spouse!
“Just as leaks in a dam reflect the potential of larger problems, giving up on courtesy in marriage reflects the bigger issue of not valuing each other. The consequences of forgetting ‘small’ actions remind us of how big those actions were in the first place.” – Gary Chapman from Love as a Way of Life: Seven Keys to Transforming Every Aspect of Your Life
Sometimes it’s just forgetfulness that stops us from expressing gratitude. That’s easy to solve – get (back) into the habit of expressing how thankful you are… Practice!
But what if lack of gratitude is part of a deeper problem?
Could you have slid into a mentality of entitlement? (maybe?)
Or have you stopped saying “thank you” because you no longer value what your spouse does?
Maybe it’s time for a bit of soul-searching… an attitude adjustment?
The Practical
Saying, “Thank you.” to your spouse doesn’t need to be difficult – it just requires a bit of attention to details. There’s going to be a lot of instances – opportunities to say it… here are a few…
thank you for marrying me…
thank you for putting up with me…
thank you for doing the laundry…
thank you for making supper…
thank you for smiling at me…
thank you for listening…
thank you for making the bed…
thank you for cuddling with me…
thank you for such great kids…
thank you for taking care of the bills…
thank you for going to work…
thank you for being nice to my parents…
thank you for helping out…
thank you for being so generous…
thank you for choosing to do what’s right…
thank you for praying for me…
thank you for loving me…
I’m sure there’s more!
Leave a comment – about what will you say “thank you” to your spouse today?
Want some reminders about being thankful? Download a PDF of these four scripture tags…
Print them on cardstock, cut them out, use them as bookmarks, hang on ‘fridge or mirrors, or tuck them into sock drawers, hang them from your spouse’s car steering wheel, or even more fun spots! Take some action…
In 2012 our son and daughter-in-love were living with us, while they went through the house-buying process. Our daughter already lived in the basement apartment, so we were five adults in one house-hold. During this time, I came up with 101 phrases to encourage – and Alex and Alisane kindly agreed to film these phrases, so everyone could hear the words out loud.
They were married two years when they made this video. And though some of the phrases seemed a bit “cheesy”, and obvioulsy they were reading them from a script, Alisane told me later that the experience gave her warm and loving feelings toward Alex.
The action of saying these scripted words, created feelings of love.
Make these three words hold the significance they had in the beginning of your relationship.
Encourage your spouse by demonstrating your love – without prerequisite, and without wanting anything in return.
The Practical
In case you need some practical ideas on how to make the words, “I love you.” significant…
create a moment where it’s just the two of you (quiet is good)
look into your spouse’s eyes
smile – nicely – and if that feels fake, then be warmly serious
hold her/his hands
speak the words, “I love you.” clearly and with warmth
and if your spouse asks if there’s something you want… tell him/her you want nothing… at all. (And make sure it’s true, huh?)
and if your spouse wonders why you’re doing this right now, tell her/him you’ve been thinking about when you first said these words.
If you’re traveling or deployed – miles apart from your spouse – use technology (Skype, Google Hangout or Facetime). If you don’t know how to use those platforms, then ask a teenager to set you up. 🙂
Encourage Your Spouse with LOVE!
Want to get all the 101 phrases to encourage?
(slightly modified from the video above – because some of them were quite cheesy. 😉 )
Our son and daughter-in-love will be married 5 years is October. Recently they made another video together to tell everyone about their next adventure…
OR – Click the picture below to see their latest video!
click to go to the video on Facebook
PPS – from Christmas 2016!
Alex & Alisane are now married 6+ years, and our Grandboy is ONE! 🙂
Hello – It’s Lori! ~ I’ve been writing about encouragement, here at Encourage Your Spouse, since 2007. I’m so thankful you’ve been reading the posts, and all the emails where you’ve shared your story.
Moving forward, I’d like to take the topic of encouragement in marriage a little deeper – a little more specific… but I need your help.
Marriage is a team sport – it’s two people, living life together. However, rarely will you spend all 24 hours in a day, every day, together. (Unless you travel full-time together in an RV – then it might happen!) Maybe you haven’t had a chance to ask your spouse to encourage you in an area… Or maybe you’ve tried asking to be encouraged, but your spouse doesn’t know where to start…
Are there areas of your life in which you need some encouragement
– areas your spouse might, or might not, know about?
If you could ask your spouse to encourage you in any area of your life – what would it be?
Leave a comment… or…
Maybe you don’t want to leave a comment here, telling everyone your story.
(It might feel a little open, or a little public.)
If that’s the case, I’ve created a survey (it’s private) where you can answer…
With some suggestions on areas you’d like to be encouraged, you’ll be helping me write relevant and specific posts with ideas that’ll help everyone. I’ll be inviting Robert (my husband) to respond also – giving the male perspective! ‘Cause we all need to be encouraged!
How can love be kind in this busy, noisy, stress-filled world we live in? Life is busy – there’s lots to fit in, isn’t there? Maybe we’re a bit brusque – abrupt, short-tempered, or terse with those we love. Maybe. Sometimes. Not because we don’t love our husbands or wives but because…
How often do you consider your spouse, and decide to be kind? Why?
Kindness starts with the basics like a genuine “thank you”… but there’s more.
Love is Kind – without condition.
What would kindness – without prerequisite or condition – look like in a marriage?
smiling at your spouse – even if you don’t feel like it
offering to serve your spouse – to meet a need – even if you haven’t been served
giving your best to your spouse – before anyone else
refraining from an action because it might cause pain or concern
remaining neutral when your spouse needs a sounding board, even if you have an opinion
As a real-life illustration, one of our friends has come up with a brilliant way to be kind to his wife (and family).
He loved to watch sports, and became intensely involved in the action on the television. He cheered – loudly and with gusto – when events were in his team’s favor. That was OK. However, when things didn’t go well – or the opposing team or a referee didn’t behave the way he felt they should – his reaction became fierce. And thunderous.
This extreme behavior became a divisive problem for he and his wife. How did he solve it?
He now records each game. Once it’s recorded, he checks the score, and can prepare himself ahead of time to watch with discretion. Or not watch the game at all…
Is this a sacrifice? Does this spoil the “fun” of being surprised at a game’s outcome? Perhaps. However, this isn’t a problem in their household anymore. His kindness – without condition – is showing his wife how much he loves her.
There are more ways to be kind, I’m sure.
(leave a comment – share your ideas and experiences!)
Something special for Wednesday…
On Wednesday there’s going to be a special guest post here on Encourage Your Spouse!
I’m excited to have Amy from Accidental Happy Baker share a post about an ongoing daydream she and her husband entertained when things became stressful and tough… and the experience they had when they pursued that daydream.
She also has a recipe to share to go with this story – because she believes every recipe has a story, every favorite dish a tale, that our taste-buds have the ability to take us back in time to our most beloved memories or to places we’ve never gotten yet, but only dreamt about.
And I’m just giving you a heads’ up – the photos from her recipe are going to make you drool!
This is number 2 of 101 phrases to encourage your spouse – see the video of Alex and Alisane saying these phrases to each other – by going to “The Video” and also see the other posts in this series.“Just as leaks in a dam reflect the potential of larger problems, giving up on courtesy in marriage reflects the bigger issue of not valuing each other. The consequences of forgetting ‘small’ actions remind us of how big those actions were in the first place.” – Gary Chapman from Love as a Way of Life: Seven Keys to Transforming Every Aspect of Your Life
thank you for marrying me…
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