A week ago I spent the day writing down 101 phrases to encourage your spouse (click to go to that post) and it’s had a unique effect in our home…
but let me quickly explain our current family dynamics.
We have three adult children living in our home for the last few months – our daughter who lives in the self-contained basement apartment because she’s gone back to school, and our son with his wife who are in the guest bedroom while they wait for their new house to finish the l-o-n-g process to close on a purchase.
This makes 5 adults living in one smallish house.
Fortunately, we like each other. And it’s only for a finite amount of time. And everyone is quite busy so we don’t really see a lot of each other.
It’s been a delight for Robert and me to see our son and his wife interact. They’ve been married two years, and we are thrilled to see their consistent positive and affirming behavior toward each other. (Face it – It’s gotta be stressful living with your in-laws!)
Anyway. Back to my point.
Alex and Alisane came home after I’d spent the day writing out 101 phrases to encourage your spouse. And, being the dutifully attentive kids that they are, they looked at what I wrote and began reading the phrases. Out loud.
All of a sudden these phrases came to life. There were smiles and giggles and laughter.
It was such fun that I suggested they should make a video – because that’s Alex’s profession. (His business is called Your Local Studio.)
The next day they went to the studio and filmed. (the videos are at the end of this post – along with the blooper reel)
A curious thing has happened in our house…
Now we’re using these phrases all the time – sometimes a few phrases in tandem. When we realize what we’re doing there’s laughter. (Yes. I admit it – some of the phrases sound goofy – but that doesn’t stop the smiles…)
And… Alisane reported a curious effect following the taping. She said,
“Even though we were saying these words – reading them from the teleprompter – they gave me a warm feeling afterward. It felt so positive and it made me so happy to hear Alex saying those words. Even though I knew he was just reading them. It was weird.”
Alex agrees with Alisane.
“Successful intimate relationships have a balance between positive and negative feelings and actions between partners. According to relationship researcher John Gottman, the magic ratio is 5 to 1.
What does this mean? This means that for every one negative feeling or interaction between partners, there must be five positive feelings or interactions. Stable and happy couples share more positive feelings and actions than negative ones.”
So this means that Alex and Alisane spent over an hour just saying positive things to each other – and laughing. (Sometimes laughing hysterically at the wording. Yes. I acknowledge some of the phrases are corny. Again, you’ve gotta spend some time looking at the out-takes!)
What’s my real point of this post?
Say something positive.
Watch this young couple, married two years, saying these positive statements – 101 Phrases to Encourage Your Spouse – to each other:
If you’re interested in printing out these 101 Phrases to Encourage Your Spouse, I’ve created a PDF:
Click HERE: 101-Phrases-to-Encourage-Your-Spouse: to access the PDF.
If you’d like a chuckle,
here’s the blooper/outtakes video:
When you watch the out-takes, pay attention to their tone with each other on some of the phrases. It’s completely possible to turn the phrase into a negative experience… (ei – “I won’t do that again.”)
Please leave a comment!