Two into One – two people, two unique individuals with all their foibles, into one marriage. A joining of two people into one marriage for the rest of their life…
Does this two into one until you die sound daunting? (Don’t worry – when I put it like that, it sounds scary to me too!) It doesn’t need to be scary or daunting.
“I’ve never considered divorce. Murder, yes, but not divorce.” ~ Ruth Bell Graham
Ruth and Billy Graham
Now there’s a couple who led an interesting life… One led a life in front of the masses, and the other had a peripheral presence. (Not less. Just more quiet.) They were two people into one, even though great stretches of their life was spent apart. They definitely exemplified the Value of ZEAL. — (Robert and I visited Billy Graham’s Library near Charlotte, North Carolina a few years ago.You can read about our experience here.)
What does Two into One mean?
What I’m describing comes from the Bible – Jesus is answering a question from the Pharasees about divorce. Jesus responded with this statement:
But from the beginning of creation, Godmade them male and female.For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother,and the two shall become one flesh; so they are no longer two, but one flesh.What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate. ~ Mark 10:6-9
I recommend you read the first part of Chapter 10, in the Gospel of Mark and Ephesians 5 to explore this concept. I’m not a Biblical scholar, so if you have questions, I’d suggest opening a conversation with your local church pastor and discussing the concept with your spouse. It’ll be an interesting conversation.
For this concept let’s just focus on one phrase:
No longer two, but one flesh.
You two people – joined as husband and wife, encouraging each other, so your life together will make a difference in this world… what would this look like?
The two of you are honoring your vow. This is huge. It carries much more importance than you’d believe… You two stood before God and a group of people and made a promise to live life as a couple. Married. Two into one. And… You. Are. Living It. You’re bringing honor to the role of husband and wife. You’re demonstrating the Value of Loyalty. Your union isn’t just about your wedding “day” – rather, it’s about your life together! Your children, your family, your neighborhood, and communities can look at the two of you, living your vow, and can be inspired. Please. Don’t underestimate the importance and weight of living your vow! A vow has united two into one.
The two of you have developed your own – shared – outlook and opinion on topics which impact your own family and life. It probably won’t be easy. Or simple. It might go against your parent’s views – but the two of you have the courage to bond as a couple, leaving the households which raised you. It might not be popular. This journey of developing your shared outlook and opinions might take your entire life, and be an ever-changing task. Regardless. Even the journey to develop a shared vision is uniting two into one. Those opinions and outlook have united two into one.
The two of you are working on shared goals. One might be out front – the other quieter – but you’re working on something greater than the sum of two of you separately. You have a shared passion – the zeal to make a difference. Robert and I have been inspired by couples united in a desire to find a cure for juvenile diabetes. We’ve seen countless couples in business together. working to make a difference not only in their own lives, but in the lives of their employees and the community also. (I just went to a blogging conference, and there were at least three couples working together on a blog the wife began, and now the husband has quit his “job”, and they’re working together, because the online income is supporting the whole family.)The goal is not the point – the united two into one makes the difference. Yes. A goal has united two into one.
Is this – two into one – going to be difficult? Maybe. But you’re not alone…
You’re not the first couple to do this. In fact, you’re probably surrounded by more couples living this “two into one” journey than you notice. Some are doing it well. Find them. Identify them and spend time with them.
And in the meantime, read about them! Here is a list of couples who write about this kind of “two into one” relationship – they’re all about uplifting marriage. (One might be the touch point, and the other silently supports.) These writers are living life – together. They understand the real issues. They understand the real barriers. They understand the real joys and successes.
But most of all, you’re not alone because there’s someOne else who wants to support you two in your love… your loving Heavenly Father. God. His Son, Jesus. You are not alone in your journey to become two into one.
Honor your role as husband and wife.
Bring honor to the titles “husband” and “wife”.
If it’s been hard these last few days, months or years… begin now. How you live – honoring your vow, sharing an outlook, and pursing goals – makes a difference for your kids, for your families, and community.
Oh, please – don’t give up. Don’t give in. Don’t just walk through life day-after-day… There is more to your marriage than you’ve ever imagined!
Start now. Don’t procrastinate.
Your great marriage can have a positive impact on everyone!
Robert stayed with a couple a few weekends ago, and discovered they’d been married more than 50 years. As is our custom when we meet couples married for more than 50 years, one of the first questions we ask is,
“If you could give one piece of advice to a newlywed couple, what would it be?”
and her answer was the above quote: “Love your spouse more than yourself.”
LOVE is the secret to a long lasting marriage.
Yup. You’re rolling your eyes.
Love. Sounds pretty far-fetched doesn’t it?
Because how can you continue to love your spouse… all those years? How can this touchy-feely stuff be the secret to a long lasting marriage? Your spouse isn’t always lovable, is he? Is she? (I’m guessing you’re not always lovable either, huh?)
I’ll let another couple – Charles and Mary, married 59 years in August – answer that question:
Charles and Mary are Robert’s parents.
When they visited us, Alex (our son) took them into his studio to answer a few questions about marriage. Here’s another short clip about their view of love in marriage:
Ask for Love to be Restored
Maybe it isn’t about the Hollywood-style smoochy kind of love.
Consider. Maybe this love – the one that is the secret to a long lasting marriage – is a love with its roots in a wonderful, amazing, ever-renewing Source. Yes. I’m talking about God. One God. Our loving Father. The creator of everything we hear, see, smell and touch, who allowed His ONLY Son to sacrifice His life – for us. For you. And your spouse.
Can we ask that loving God to restore our love – a selfless, Christ-like love – for each other? Or perhaps we need to ask that He helps us build that kind of love between us…
It’s a love that isn’t about human, self-driven emotion. It’s a love that is self-less – making less of yourself – and more of the other one… It’s a love that perseveres. Regardless.
This kind of love serves – without expecting anything in return.
This kind of love encourages – looking for and at the good.
This kind of love forgives – again, and again, and again…
This kind of love shares good stuff – without holding back.
This kind of love sacrifices – knowing what the other person needs.
This kind of love doesn’t change – whether the love is returned or not.
You’ve heard that quote before, haven’t you? Arnold and Rose know the secret to a long lasting marriage. And it hasn’t always been easy for them. Even today, it’s not easy. They still persevere in love.
Why the focus on LOVE?
Why am I writing this post – now?
While a post on the secret to a long lasting marriage might be good at any time, it’s especially important for Robert and me this week. On Friday we’ll be celebrating our 32nd wedding anniversary.
by Elena Creates used with permission
32 years is still a teenager marriage by the standards of those married more than 50 years. However, we still need to keep working on our relationship.
It’s not a “done” deal. We can’t coast.
Love needs to be nurtured in every marriage, regardless of how many years you’ve been together.
You don’t need to “feel” love, to behave in a loving manner. Sometimes the action comes before feeling. Remember what Charles said in that first video?
“Love is not really just an emotion – it’s an act of will.“
Choose 10 Loving & Selfless Things To Do For Your Spouse
Here are 25 options – choose 10. Or make up your own… the point is to do them. And expect nothing in return.
Give him/her a beautiful apple – and say, “You’re the apple of my eye.”
When you know it’s going to rain that day, put an umbrella by your spouse’s bag/purse.
Wake him/her up with kisses – all over.
Make a video/slide show of all your favorite photos together – spend the evening reminiscing.
Tell your spouse that you admire her/him – and why. If you can’t think of a reason… here’s a resource.
Do a load of laundry – fold it – put it away. If you normally do this, then find something that needs to be cleaned/drycleaned of his/hers that’s been overlooked. Do that. Ask first, though, just in case. 🙂
Buy some sparklers – go outside after dark and play together. Just the two of you.
Arrange for a night out for your spouse and one of his/her friends. (guy time – girl time)
Put clean sheets on the bed. Wash, dry and fold the others. Put a chocolate on the pillow.
Send her/him a fun post-card in the mail. (Try the app “postagram” – it uses one of your smart-phone pictures & they’ll mail it.)
Make him/her an ice-cream sundae – top it with a cherry and whipped cream.
Buy her/him a “Best Wife Ever” or “Best Husband Ever” T-shirt. (or make one – try Pinterest)
Reminisce about your first kiss together. Then make new memories. 😉
Meet him/her at the car when they arrive home, and help carry in stuff. (Even if it’s only one thing.)
Thank your spouse for being the person God made them to be. (It’s not about what they do.)
Ask your spouse about his/her day – then listen, without talking. (It’s OK to ask questions.)
Massage his/her feet.
Learn how to say “I love you” in sign language – and other languages! Text them – send a video!
If your spouse is fully engaged on the computer/in front of the TV – bring her/him something they like to drink – then walk away without interrupting.
Pray for your spouse. Diligently. With purpose. Use Stormie Omartians’ books for wife/husband.
Ask what you can do for your spouse – then follow through.
Make your spouse laugh. Tell jokes. Or watch a funny video together and laugh. Laughter is good medicine.
Buy her/him a cupcake – add a sparkler – because your spouse needs to be celebrated.
Plant a tree together. Let it be a long-lasting tribute to the two of you. (If you don’t own a piece of ground, then talk with your church. Ask to plant a tree on that property.) The point? Do it together as a symbol of your love.
It’s so easy to get “caught up” – to procrastinate. Remember: every marriage needs nurturing. Even if it’s going well this year, or it’s a disaster-sized year, your spouse needs to feel like you love him/her.
Because you still want to be married next year – and in 10 years – and when you’re married 50 years! So do we.
In North America we celebrate “Mother’s Day” on the second Sunday in May.
For many deeply distressing reasons, Mother’s Day is not always a day all women can embrace. Perhaps infertility is a constant wound. Perhaps they’re grieving over a baby who never took a breath, or a child who died or was killed… perhaps they’re in anguish over a child who won’t or can’t call them “mom”, yet their hearts love with a motherly love. Perhaps it’s an adoption that didn’t happen, yet they continue to love that child, wherever he or she may be…
For other women it’s another celebratory day in the year: birthdays, Christmas, Thanksgiving… it doesn’t matter what the day celebrates – it’s what that day represents to your wife. And it’s hard.
As a man, you might understand how your wife feels about that dreaded day. Or you might not. At least not fully.
But you still care about your wife. You still want to encourage her – you want to provide that bit of extra care which transcends her hurting/anger/guilt/sorrow/distress/anguish…
Where do you start with encouraging words for your wife?
Maybe you startwithout words?
extra long hugs – many hugs – hugs that are gentle and silent
an arm around her shoulder as you sit together, or walk into church
holding her hand – clasping it securely, with a loving grip
encouraging her to put her feet up on your lap as you sit together – and give her a foot massage
a passing caress – she might be concentrating, but a touch to let her know you care won’t be amiss
a gentle kiss on her cheek – or her forehead
a loving, warm and patient smile as she struggles.
Maybe you start by praying for her – even as the day she finds so difficult approaches.
ask God to bless her with peace – His peace.
pray that she will feel God’s perfect love, first and foremost.
ask her (and your) Heavenly Father to help her see your love.
ask that you have a patient and wise heart, as she battles her own emotions
pray that God will bring into her life those she needs to surround her to lessen her distress
ask for help in finding the right words, at the right time, with the right tone
Are there encouraging words for your wife on a difficult day?
I’m not sure I can give you those encouraging words – here on this blog. I don’t even know if any words will work to encourage your wife… however you can try these:
“I love you.”
Remind her of your love. Your unconditional, steadfast, and loyal love. Your over-the-top, without prerequisite love. Be selfless in your love. Serve your wife in love. Love heals.
“I’m here with you. I’m here for you.”
Remind her that she is not alone in her distress. Her grief and anguish is seen and heard. She’s not battling her feelings in a void – anger, hurt, resentment, misery, ache and depression – you are with her. Demonstrate your strength by being gentle.
Have Courage. Encourage.
Encouragement is made up of five ingredients; hope, faith, love, prayer and action.
give your wife hope for the future – consider what you two can look forward to… Our God is a God of HOPE!
use your faith in God to encourage your wife – fortify her with your faith.
love her with a Christ-like, selfless love.
pray for her – pray over her – pray silently, pray together. Ask God to encourage your wife.
take over-the-top, without restraint action to encourage in the ways your wife responds to – use her Love Language.
This day won’t stop being difficult.
This day won’t stop being difficult, even after it passes. Chances are, it’ll still be hard again next year. I’m imagining you’d love to change circumstances, but it’s not within your power. I’m sorry.
But Robert and I are here to encourage you – the husband!
Don’t give up! Continue. Be steadfast. Be loyal.
Be together – united – with your wife, even if this day is hard.
You can. It’s possible. What you will do matters… all you need is to do it!
All kinds of married couples talk about wanting a good marriage. But that “good” marriage doesn’t just happen – it needs an investment – over time – to bring huge benefits.
When’s a good time to begin encouraging your spouse? On your wedding day. When’s the next best time to begin encouraging your spouse… right now!
Is this – two into one – going to be difficult? Maybe. But you’re not alone…
#HonorAllMoms on Mother’s Day
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