What role does hope play in your marriage? Do you talk about the future with your wife or husband?
Some couples have many decades logged in their marriage journey – and they’re planning and hoping for more. Others may be at the beginning of their marriages, and their struggles and triumphs are spread out in front of them, yet to be experienced.
Where are you?
In those beginning years?
A decade or two?
Five or more decades of marriage?
At whatever stage – let your hope expand!
You know, encouragement for the future is more than words – but sometimes words are where hopeful encouragement starts… Let hope for a strong future expand – as a husband and wife together…
Where to begin? Just talk about your future together in an optimistic way. Say to your spouse,
“We have a good future together.”
Say it. Out loud.
I dare you…
Say, “We have a good future together.”
Because you do – You do have a good future together as husband and wife.
What will it look like?
I don’t know what your future (or mine) looks like – only God does… But He didn’t put the two of you together to be miserable.
Yes, the circumstances in your life together might not be going the way you envisioned. You might not be getting what you expected. Sure. It’s devastating to be struggling with health challenges, or financial crisis, or emotional tornadoes. I get it. These hurdles hit us all – at the beginning of our marriages, all through the middles and even after multiple decades of marriage.
We live in a sin-filled world and that decaying, oozing, society scrapes past our beautiful marriages with wrenching regularity. Sometimes it takes the gorgeous shiny paint off of the outside of our marriage relationship, leaving dents and gouges. Sometimes sin corrodes our marriage hulls and penetrates to mangle what is good, till we forget what it first looked like when our life together was fine and newly made.
But there’s still reason to hope for a good future.
There is. Really.
—– Why?
Here’s the Big Picture:
God loves you.
He loves your spouse, too.
And He can make all things new.
I know God loves all of us… with a love like there has never been before, nor ever will be again…
The Practical
Begin talking about the future by reminiscing about the past.
When was the last time you expressed gratitude in your marriage
– and said, “Thank you.” to your spouse?
Gratitude in Marriage
Gratitude. Thankfulness.It’s important to tell your spouse how thankful you are.Sometimes we’ll say, “Thank you.” to a stranger, before we’ll say it to our spouse! This is number 2 of 101 phrases to encourage your spouse – see the video of Alex and Alisane saying these phrases to each other – by going to “The Video” and also see the other posts in this series.
The Big Picture
Courtesy isn’t a luxury in marriage – it’s a necessity. Courtesy – including saying “thank you” – demonstrates how much you value your spouse!
“Just as leaks in a dam reflect the potential of larger problems, giving up on courtesy in marriage reflects the bigger issue of not valuing each other. The consequences of forgetting ‘small’ actions remind us of how big those actions were in the first place.” – Gary Chapman from Love as a Way of Life: Seven Keys to Transforming Every Aspect of Your Life
Sometimes it’s just forgetfulness that stops us from expressing gratitude. That’s easy to solve – get (back) into the habit of expressing how thankful you are… Practice!
But what if lack of gratitude is part of a deeper problem?
Could you have slid into a mentality of entitlement? (maybe?)
Or have you stopped saying “thank you” because you no longer value what your spouse does?
Maybe it’s time for a bit of soul-searching… an attitude adjustment?
The Practical
Saying, “Thank you.” to your spouse doesn’t need to be difficult – it just requires a bit of attention to details. There’s going to be a lot of instances – opportunities to say it… here are a few…
thank you for marrying me…
thank you for putting up with me…
thank you for doing the laundry…
thank you for making supper…
thank you for smiling at me…
thank you for listening…
thank you for making the bed…
thank you for cuddling with me…
thank you for such great kids…
thank you for taking care of the bills…
thank you for going to work…
thank you for being nice to my parents…
thank you for helping out…
thank you for being so generous…
thank you for choosing to do what’s right…
thank you for praying for me…
thank you for loving me…
I’m sure there’s more!
Leave a comment – about what will you say “thank you” to your spouse today?
Want some reminders about being thankful? Download a PDF of these four scripture tags…
Print them on cardstock, cut them out, use them as bookmarks, hang on ‘fridge or mirrors, or tuck them into sock drawers, hang them from your spouse’s car steering wheel, or even more fun spots! Take some action…
In 2012 our son and daughter-in-love were living with us, while they went through the house-buying process. Our daughter already lived in the basement apartment, so we were five adults in one house-hold. During this time, I came up with 101 phrases to encourage – and Alex and Alisane kindly agreed to film these phrases, so everyone could hear the words out loud.
They were married two years when they made this video. And though some of the phrases seemed a bit “cheesy”, and obvioulsy they were reading them from a script, Alisane told me later that the experience gave her warm and loving feelings toward Alex.
The action of saying these scripted words, created feelings of love.
Make these three words hold the significance they had in the beginning of your relationship.
Encourage your spouse by demonstrating your love – without prerequisite, and without wanting anything in return.
The Practical
In case you need some practical ideas on how to make the words, “I love you.” significant…
create a moment where it’s just the two of you (quiet is good)
look into your spouse’s eyes
smile – nicely – and if that feels fake, then be warmly serious
hold her/his hands
speak the words, “I love you.” clearly and with warmth
and if your spouse asks if there’s something you want… tell him/her you want nothing… at all. (And make sure it’s true, huh?)
and if your spouse wonders why you’re doing this right now, tell her/him you’ve been thinking about when you first said these words.
If you’re traveling or deployed – miles apart from your spouse – use technology (Skype, Google Hangout or Facetime). If you don’t know how to use those platforms, then ask a teenager to set you up. 🙂
Encourage Your Spouse with LOVE!
Want to get all the 101 phrases to encourage?
(slightly modified from the video above – because some of them were quite cheesy. 😉 )
Our son and daughter-in-love will be married 5 years is October. Recently they made another video together to tell everyone about their next adventure…
OR – Click the picture below to see their latest video!
click to go to the video on Facebook
PPS – from Christmas 2016!
Alex & Alisane are now married 6+ years, and our Grandboy is ONE! 🙂
What will it look like?
Begin talking about the future by reminiscing about the past.
This is number 2 of 101 phrases to encourage your spouse – see the video of Alex and Alisane saying these phrases to each other – by going to 
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