Getting to know your spouse. How do you do that?
How do you …
- get to know all about your spouse?
- get to like your spouse?
- get to know that your spouse is “your cup of tea”?
- get to know what to say to your spouse?
- get to know how to feel free and easy with your spouse?
- become “bright & breezy” with your spouse?
You learn new things about your spouse!
Here are 3 ways to learn more about your spouse – they’re especially effective if you do them together!
Getting to Know Your Spouse with Strengths Finder 2.0
I wrote about how Robert and I took this assessment here. What got me started thinking about this topic is a blog post Michael Hyatt wrote this morning. He focuses on using the book Strengths Finder 2.0 in your career, but I believe it’s valuable to do this with your spouse and even your (grown) kids.
We’ve all done this assessment in our family, and it’s fantastic to be able to discuss and highlight where we’re using our strengths. It gives you something positive to focus on – something to encourage each other to do – and celebrate when using your strengths creates a “win”!
Using Myers-Briggs to Know Your Spouse
This assessment was created by a mother/daughter team. It’s often used in a work environment, however I’ve found it to be fascinating to view in a husband/wife context and also parent/child role when you’re getting to know your spouse. 
There are books based on this assessment – I read them when I was homeschooling our kids so I could teach/facilitate to their personality type.
You can find more about the different styles here. (my Myers-Briggs type is INFP) There are many online free tests, but of course, finding a qualified person to administer the assessement is ideal.
Values
Do you know your values? Do you share the same values with your spouse? When you know the values you and your spouse share, it’s easier getting to know your spouse and to make decisions.
Robert and I have identified 3 differentiating values we share: loyalty, optimism, & discovery. Whenever we’re in a situation where a decision is needed to be made (to do something – or not to do something), we map the issue against our values. If there’s a good fit, we move forward.
If you’d like to do a value assessment with your spouse check out our digital workbook on Discovering Your Values as a couple.
Bottom Line?
It’s easier to encourage your spouse – when you KNOW them!
Have you completed any of these assessments? Do you have suggestions for other techniques? What has your experience been? I’d love to know!
We can help you get to know your spouse!
Rob and I are certified facilitators with the Prepare/Enrich program – there’s an online survey to get to know your spouse in a deeper way, and then we work with couples to delve into the assessment to look at strength areas and opportunity areas… OR you could try the Biblical DISC assessment OR Values!
We’d love to come alongside you for a short bit and provide encouragement as a mentor couple… click HERE to learn more and reach out to us.
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I liked your article. I don’t have the time right now to click on all your links. I will come back and check them out. I believe its important for all of us to know our spouses!
Thanks for dropping in, Shawn! (there are a lot of links in this post… 🙂 )
I totally agree. You can definitely have a more positive relationship when you know each other better and what makes each other tick. We recently read the 5 Love Languages book by Gary Chapman and that has really helped us understand each other and our children. I am going to have to check out this assessment. Thanks.
Love, love, love “The 5 Love Languages”! Have you seen Gary Chapman’s video – he presents the material… ?
I think these are great- but need to be effected BEFORE one agrees to a union. And, then repeated at various milestones (right before kids are to be brought into the world, right before kids fly out of the nest, and right before retirement).
So true, Roy. Imagine if all marriages started with deep insight into strengths and unique qualities that aren’t readily apparent – so many challenges could be averted, and arguements avoided.
And later on in marriage it could be seen as enrichment – we all work to get better in a career, why not in marriage! Better yet, it would give spouses concrete things to talk about rather than vague emotional issues.
Thanks for commenting!
This is great! I love how you’ve intentionally looked for ways to understand and connect with your husband. Thanks for sharing these ideas!
Fortunately, both Robert and I enjoy doing this together!
As a professional in the field of counselling, do you have any other suggestions, Ann?
Perhaps find a way to make it sustainable/do-able so you and your husband can keep up the bonding!
A great article. I have taken the assessments you mentioned. They definitely help you know yourself and others better.
Awesome, Catherine! Were there any surprises? Anything you didn’t know before, that you could use after?
The biggest mistake people make is waiting until they are already in a committed relationship before delving deeply into one another’s core values and base beliefs. Many people never take time to define their own values, or they kid themselves about what they truly find essential. If you don’t know who you are, what your believe, and take an honest look at how your experiences have reshaped your beliefs, (and I’m not just talking about tenets of religious faith here) you cannot build a strong, stable relationship, free from anxieties and fears.
I agree, Jack, that you need to know yourself first. Understanding your own motivations, beliefs and values can make communicating with your spouse much more smooth…
Fortunately, we all continue to grow and develop, so we have the opportunity to grow closer to our spouse and develop shared beliefs & values.
Robert and I were married quite young – 19 & 21 – and we’re very different people today than we were 27 years ago. It’s been a huge challenge (but rewarding) to continue to grow together… We’re in a new growth stage now as a couple working together in business – but, with grace, we’ll forge on through this time too!
Thank you so much for commenting – I value your perspective!
This was a loaded post, thanks Lori ! I have found that MY greatest encouragements from my husband came when I focused on encouraging him. This required me to learn how to step back from myself and from my own views of what I thought I needed, or what I thought would be best for our marriage and instead, focus only on him.
The greatest value in this is that when you focus on getting to know others and taking care of them, God steps in to help you learn about yourself as well as to take care of you, and He always does so in the most extraordinary ways!
Such beautiful insight, Robyn.
I just read on a Facebook update: “When Christ followers come together to generously share life, no one lacks, and incredible things happen!” by Lyn Smith in the LeadHer Challenge Devotional.”
I think that sums it up – as wife or husband, if we “generously share life” by focusing of encouraging others (like you said) – God can do amazing things…
Love your perspective, Robyn. Thanks for sharing.