Accept help? Does your spouse offer help?
If not, maybe you’re the reason why… now, before you get all huffy, just consider:
- If you consistently say “It’s OK – I can do it.” when offered help – your spouse will stop offering because she/he doesn’t feel needed.
- when your spouse does do something, do you criticize? Even silent criticism shouts at your spouse that you don’t value what she/he does. What’s silent criticism? Maybe it’s a smirk or an eye roll. Maybe your silent criticism is evident when you redo “properly” what your spouse has done.
- are you expecting a different pace, or quality or a skill your spouse hasn’t practiced yet? Just because you do something at a certain pace, with a certain skill or experience, doesn’t mean your spouse can match you. You two are different! Value that difference, and then accept help where your spouse is offering, knowing they might find a better way!
How to accept help when your spouse offers.
- Say “Thank You.” — This is so important. Often we’re more polite with strangers than we are with the people we love.
- Be clear about what you need. So many times we assume our spouse knows all the details and we set them up to fail.
- Unless they ask, don’t tell them how to do something. Provide the “what” needs to be done, but don’t expect your spouse to do things like you do them. That’s unrealistic. If they ask, then respond with how you do it – but never expect they will do it like you. And maybe they’ll come up with a better way!
- Provide positive feedback. You’re not their father or mother – there’s no need to be parental, but everyone likes to hear when they’re doing something well. Don’t be stingy and/or condescending. Lift them up – even if it’s a simple smile. Never, ever, ever, underestimate the power of your smile!
- Give them time before you ask for something else or ask them if they’re done. They’re contributing – don’t be a tyrant or task-master. You’re a team so act like it.
And when was the last time you offered to help your spouse?
It goes both ways. Remember – you’re the dream team! As a team, you both can achieve, and both can excel!
Encourage your spouse with your support that goes above and beyond what anyone else can do! It’s a way to make your spouse feel valued.