Things don’t always work out the way we’d like.
Life is not fair.
We might not like it, but it’s a fact.
Life is not fair.
(And who said it was supposed to be fair, anyway? That’s just a new-age myth. Give it up.)
God writes our story, and sometimes we’d like to change the details, but in the end, I’m sure He has the best, most awesome story for each of us. The best. I’m sure. I’ll bet my eternal life on that one.
Still.
Things don’t always work out the way we’d like.
And it…
Well.
(I was going to use the word “sucks”, but my father told me a lady doesn’t use that word. So I won’t.)
Things don’t always work out the way we’d like and it’s disappointing.
People disappoint.
Plans disappoint.
Events disappoint.
Situations disappoint.
How do you encourage your spouse even through disappointment?
First, take stock of where you are.
Yes, you’re (both) disappointed – grieved – angry – frustrated – tired – frightened – disheartened – overwhelmed – confused – sad… It’s OK to feel all those emotions.
Most times it’s not really anyone’s fault, it’s just part of the story.
Most times it’s not a tragedy, just a disappointment.
Most times it’s only for a time.
Start from where you are – and look forward.
There is always hope. It might not be the hope you wanted. It might not be the hope you envisioned. It might not be the hope you counted on. It might not be the hope you prayed for. It might not be the hope you…
There is always hope.
Reassess. Redirect. Revise.
Stand firm on the foundation of your faith in God.
Share stories of how God has shown His power and faithfulness in your history together. Give thanks. Force your thoughts away from the current disappointment and rest on His promises. Be determined. Be stubborn. Dig in. Dig deep. Praise Him.
Love your spouse with no conditions. With no prerequisites.
Your love for each other does not need to be affected by this disappointment. In fact, disappointment can make your love shine with a light so bright it eclipses this moment of your story. (Do not let the evil one tell you lies.)
Pray.
Pray alone. Pray together. Pray with others. Ask others to pray for you and with you. Pray without ceasing. Pour it all out in prayer, and then praise God.
Do Something.
Do something together. Maybe it’s necessary to take action because of the disappointment. Agree on a direction and make a plan. If you can’t agree, seek counsel. Then make a plan. And do something to move forward.
However, if self-focused action isn’t going to move you past your disappointment, then the action you need to take – together – is to serve. Serve together. Help someone else. Be a team and use the gifts God has put into you both to be a blessing.
This, too, shall pass.
Robert read me a quote this morning from Max Lucado,
“You can tell a lot about a person by the way he dies.”
Yeah. We’re only on this earth for a short while. We’re all headed toward eternity.
Every. One. Of. Us.
Christ died for all of us. He had disappointments. He was let down, betrayed, and walking through five days He experienced everything from Hosanna to Hatred. And I’m going to imagine He knew we would all be b-i-g disappointments for Him at times. But that didn’t stop Him from finishing His story well.
Encourage your spouse through this time of disappointment – and finish your story, well.
An Addendum to this post – May 2016
I wrote the above post within the hour of receiving devastating news. It just flowed from my heart through my fingers onto the page… Little did we know how very faithful God would be.
This post – and our “news” happened on Good Friday. Yes. That Day. Where all those who followed Christ were struck with despair because it appeared that He was gone – and His purpose was cut off.
However, just like those women gathered around the tomb – three days later, everything was made clear – all the angst and sorrow and despair was turned to joy… for them… and for us.
God was faithful. He solved our devastation in a way that was truly His. He took over. He provided. Literally. Someone walked up to our door and provided a way out…. Someday I’ll write the whole story.
It’s two years after this event of moving from despair to joy happened… I’m still in awe. And those who know our full story can’t explain it – there is no logical answer.
It was God. That’s all.
ALL – that’s what HE is, and does. Always.
In. All. Ways.
All Glory and Honor to HIM!
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Lori,
Thank you for this timely encouragement. I needed to be reminded and helped with the current disappointment I’m facing, and God has used your post. I’m so so grateful for your ears to hear and your heart to share such godly wisdom, comfort and hope.
Blessings to you friend,
Debi
Oh, Debi. I’m thankful and humbled that God could use these words on a page that came from my heart to touch you. All praise to Him. And He’ll work out all our disappointments. We just need to keep walking on… (but we both know that, too. It’s simple – just not easy.)
Lori,
Every word you wrote is so very true. I can think back to extremely tough and terrifying times in our 32 years of marriage, times when we did not know what our future held or how we would make it through another day. But we always held strong to each other and our faith that the Lord would provide. Now that we are able to look back it is so much easier than when we were going through those times, but in the end we always marveled at how our Heavenly Father had the best of intentions in mind for us
Great advice! Thanks for stopping by my blog!
Thank you! It is always so hard when one or both partners are struggling. My spouse struggles with liking his job, and it is so hard to be positive and move forward in faith and with hope. We continue to try to uplift each other and be positive. We seek faith through prayer together. Thanks for a good post. Found you at the link party!
Great article, very timely. My husband has had three heart attacks since Valentine’s Day of this year. Three surgical procedures on his heart. Many hospitalizations of various lengths… two flights to higher level hospitals… one ambulance ride to another. The medical bills are mounting and he is out of work… he is disappointed and upset with himself.
I keep reminding him that I am just happy he is still here with me and with the kids. Yes, it is stressful. Yes, I’m not happy about being away from him and the kids with the hours I had to start back to work with… but thank the Lord that I have my RN license and a job that mostly lets me be home with him and the kids.