How do you Apologize?

A good marriage is the union of two good forgivers.

~ Ruth Bell Graham

In every marriage there will come a time – or many times – when you will need to say:

“I’m sorry.”

If you ever have trouble getting your spouse to understand that you really are sorry, perhaps you need to look at the way you express yourself. In Jennifer Thomas & Gary Chapman’s book “The 5 Languages of Apology” they highlight 5 ways to express an apology:

Expressing regret – “I am sorry.”
Accepting responsibility – “I was wrong.”
Making restitution – “What can I do to make it right?”
Genuinely Repenting – “I’ll try not to do that again.”
Requesting forgiveness – “Will you please forgive me?”

Don’t let your apology become lost in translation – be understood!

(Yes – I do realize there’s a difference between saying “sorry” and being forgiven… but everyone needs to start somewhere. The first goal is to get your spouse to hear and understand that you truly want to apologize, then the process toward forgiveness can begin.)

5 Comments

Craig on October 18, 2011 at 7:44 pm

my goodness – when I got to the end – and those warning signs. I’m not married – I never have been – but there have been many relationships – and more than a handful of very deep ones. I recognize the signs. This is so spot on – so important. And I was born in Brooklyn, New York – and have been in the Midwest some time now – I know all about those sirens – and now, for me, they are also a call to go outside and see what the weather looks like. But we are in tornado alley – I’m in Missouri – and we should pay attention to the signs – or sirens. I think this was an important post. God bless and keep you and each and every one of yours Lori.

carolinaheartstrings on October 18, 2011 at 11:54 pm

Love the post as always. I always learn something from you. Thank you. I think you have to be in tune to yourself before you can be in tune to your mate. After a long time together you learn to ready body language, looks, and really what is left unsaid which many times is more important than the actual words.

Suerae Stein on October 20, 2011 at 2:57 pm

I think I may need to print this out and post it on the refrigerator for the whole family to see. There is nothing wrong with admitting you’re wrong, but sometimes it seems so difficult. My son is very good to apologize quickly. It usually just takes him a few minutes of alone time. Great suggestions – thank you! ~ Suerae

DEBBY on January 4, 2013 at 2:17 pm

i pray for him daily and i let him know that he is the head of our home and i trust his decisions that he makes for our family. i also make sure that i up my game on intimacy however tired i am.this not only brings us closer but ensures that i am his no 1

Kelly on January 5, 2013 at 6:08 pm

Thank you! Thank you! Saying ‘I’m sorry, can you please forgive me?’ is a very humbling experience. This book looks like a special gift of grace for me! What a discovery! I have always been so poor at communicating my words and I look forward to discovering ways to grow into a better spouse and person! Thank you!!

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Craig on October 18, 2011 at 7:44 pm

my goodness – when I got to the end – and those warning signs. I’m not married – I never have been – but there have been many relationships – and more than a handful of very deep ones. I recognize the signs. This is so spot on – so important. And I was born in Brooklyn, New York – and have been in the Midwest some time now – I know all about those sirens – and now, for me, they are also a call to go outside and see what the weather looks like. But we are in tornado alley – I’m in Missouri – and we should pay attention to the signs – or sirens. I think this was an important post. God bless and keep you and each and every one of yours Lori.
carolinaheartstrings on October 18, 2011 at 11:54 pm

Love the post as always. I always learn something from you. Thank you. I think you have to be in tune to yourself before you can be in tune to your mate. After a long time together you learn to ready body language, looks, and really what is left unsaid which many times is more important than the actual words.
Suerae Stein on October 20, 2011 at 2:57 pm

I think I may need to print this out and post it on the refrigerator for the whole family to see. There is nothing wrong with admitting you’re wrong, but sometimes it seems so difficult. My son is very good to apologize quickly. It usually just takes him a few minutes of alone time. Great suggestions – thank you! ~ Suerae
DEBBY on January 4, 2013 at 2:17 pm

i pray for him daily and i let him know that he is the head of our home and i trust his decisions that he makes for our family. i also make sure that i up my game on intimacy however tired i am.this not only brings us closer but ensures that i am his no 1
Kelly on January 5, 2013 at 6:08 pm

Thank you! Thank you! Saying ‘I’m sorry, can you please forgive me?’ is a very humbling experience. This book looks like a special gift of grace for me! What a discovery! I have always been so poor at communicating my words and I look forward to discovering ways to grow into a better spouse and person! Thank you!!