When you’re feeling connected to your spouse,
you’ll go that extra mile…
Once upon a time there was husband and wife who shared a home, two children, a car and a life. This was an average North American family.
One Sunday morning the husband was sick in bed with the stomach flu. Though they usually attended church services together as a family, this morning the husband was too ill to leave the house. The wife was dressing for church, when the husband asked if she’d walk across the road to the store for some Gingerale. He felt it would help settle his stomach.
The wife replied that he could wait – she’d pick it up after they were done with church.
And that’s what she did.
Just Life
The above incident is a true story, about a real couple. It’s nothing dramatic, or tragic, yet it’s stuck with me for more than 25 years. This woman told me the story herself, and though I know she had spent the week before doing volunteer work, she saw no need to go out of her way for her husband.
They shared a life, children, and a home – but no connection.
(As you might guess, this couple is no longer married.)
Being connected.
Being connected with your spouse is more than just sharing a house. It’s more than knowing what brand of toothpaste sits on his or her bathroom shelf. It’s more than making the obligatory birthday cake, or rotating the tires, or taking the kids to soccer practice this time.
Being connected means you go the extra mile.
Sometimes the extra mile is an inconvenience in your day. Sometimes the extra mile is as simple as making use of your intimate knowledge of the likes and dislikes of your spouse. And choosing for your spouse.
And sometimes going the extra mile is more than the obvious…
The extra mile is more than everyday events – it’s more than yesterday’s calendar – it’s more than food on the table, clothes in the closet, gas in the car and money in the bank.
Sometimes the extra mile is about the future.
Do you know what your spouse is hoping for? Do you know your spouse’s dreams and desires? Does your spouse know your dreams and desires? How are you building your future together? Are you going the extra mile to make it happen for each other?
How are you building your connection with your spouse?
What have you done recently to go the extra mile?
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I always love being connected with my husband and work as a team with him. Because I know if I’m one with my hubby, we are also one with GOD. I love God’s gift of marriage! 🙂
Working as a team is a blessing, Mai. Thanks for stopping in!
This was great Lori, thanks for sharing your memory. And although I’m sad for the couple, I’m thankful that it made a mark on your heart for memory.
I find a lot of times what surfaces in our marriages (well … mine) is the sickness of the soul rather than the flesh (like a cold or flu). There are lots of times when old wounds from my husband, and me, come to the surface in the form of emotional pain. This also requires going the extra mile.
Thanks for sharing, Robyn – you’ve made me ponder over the strength of character that’s needed to go the extra miles when pain is part of a marriage legacy. That’s not to be taken lightly…
When we are truly connected, we have empathy for one another. Then, going the extra mile gives us even more satisfaction because we feel the effect it has on our spouse.
Hi Rosemary – thanks for your insight. Empathy is powerful tool, often overlooked.
Oh my goodness, when you began with the story I thought you were going to say the man died while she was out at church. Wowzers! So happy he’s still alive but sad she couldn’t figure out what was most important while they were still together.
Hey Fawn – I guess the lack of drama or tragedy has been what stayed with me – it was so minor an incidence, yet spot-lighted their whole lack of connection.
Too often in marriages I see two great people (and these were/are good people) who don’t notice what is happening… They say that divorce just happened…
But it doesn’t. Divorce doesn’t just show up one day out of the blue – it’s been happening, without fan-fare or drama for a a long, long time.