Share your schedule with your spouse – it’s part respect, and part connection.

After years of marriage, you can assume your spouse knows what you do during the day, during the week, during the month. But that’s not always the case. And how can you value your spouse if you don’t know what he or she does? (We have a story about Robert’s Gran and Grandy to point this out.)

This article is part of the 10-point marriage tune-up.

Share your schedule with your spouse.

Our lives are full of items to do. Sometimes they seem mundane – groceries, dry-cleaning, post-office, oil change, changing out the furnace filter, stocking up on toilet paper…

Sometimes our daily chores can become an unexpressed burden.  Perhaps we don’t even allow ourselves to realize how much of a burden, It seems like that stuff just needs to get done, so we do it. Tasks aren’t exciting or world-changing, so we don’t talk about them.  We just do those silly chores.

However, one of the ‘perks’ of being married is being involved in your spouse’s life.  Being involved also means being aware of the small stuff.  It’s more than saying “thank you”, although appreciation is really important. Be aware.

Take time to note what your spouse does and what you do.

You know – I can hear in my head your rebuttal to this idea.

I imagine you might say,

  • “Our life is too busy for us to find time to talk about the big stuff, not to mention the silly chores.”
  • or “My spouse would just zone out if I shared my long list of chores.” or “You’ve got to be kidding – I don’t want to hear all that stuff – where’s the meaningful conversation?”
  • I’ll leave this space for your rebuttal:  _________________________________________________________)

Still – I’m going to suggest: Let your spouse know what fills your day.  Ask what fills his/her day. 

Sometimes a glimpse into the other person’s responsibilities is enough to prompt a little latitude.  He or she can be much more sympathetic if they understand why you feel so tired, so burdened, so overwhelmed at the end of the day. And so can you.

Don’t make it into a long conversation. And..  DO NOT make it into a competition over who is more busy. 

Share your schedule.  Be in tune with each other

Rob’s grandparents died decades ago, yet we remember them fondly. They were a special couple who appreciated each other very much. Yet this point still has relevance regardless how much they appreciated each other.

Here’s an illustrative example to the 8th point in the 10 point marriage tune up…

Gran & Grandy were married for 52 years.  Grandy passed and for many years after that, Gran constantly commented on how amazed she was at all the stuff he had done around the apartment. She didn’t realize what all he’d done at the time. Why did she notice?  Because now she needed to do it herself.

Who takes care of what in your life together?

Take the time – now – to really see what your spouse does for you and your family. Share schedules. Maybe you could do a few of those tasks that are making your spouse overwhelmed? Maybe.

In the Prepare/Enrich program there is a Role Exercise – couples complete a list of the things they do in the day-to-day aspect of the relationship and then there are some discussion questions. Even though this program is targeted at engaged/newlyweds, Rob and I feel it’s also valuable for couples married many years. Learn more about the Prepare/Enrich program here.  Connect with Rob and me to chat about how we could mentor you and your spouse for a short bit using this as a tool. See our MENTORING page.

Share your schedule with your spouse - show you value their contribution to your life together - 8 of 10 point marriage tune up

Read the other 9 posts in 10-Point Marriage Tune-Up HERE