Quietness, stillness, calm… do these qualities have a place in your life together as husband and wife? Or are you wheeling around, with your head spinning and your days so full you’re tired even when you open your eyes in the morning?

Do you make time to be quiet – time to let your body rest, and your mind slow down?

Many of us would benefit from a bit of Quietness in our life.

Quietness – absence of sound or disturbance; calm, stillness or serenity

How do you go about introducing some quiet time into your marriage?

Rest. Regularily.

Even God rested. The Almighty Creator of everything rested… wouldn’t it be good to take a day to rest?

“By the seventh day God completed His work which He had done, and He rested on the seventh day from all His work which He had done.” Genesis 2:2

What would a restful day look like to you and your spouse? Have you ever talked about it? (Now’s a good time to bring up the subject!) Might a day filled with quietness include…

  • a good book
  • the sounds of nature (no electronics)
  • letting your eyes close as they willed
  • smiles and laughter with loved ones
  • some walking, or biking, or hiking
  • delicious, natural food
  • prayer and meditation
  • the sight of the sky

What else would you include in your quiet, calm, serene and restful day?

Be kind to your senses.

Sight, sound, smell, touch, taste. In our first-world atmosphere our senses are bombarded, and it’s poisoning us.

  • Our eyes are on screens most of the day… everyday. (television, computer, phones, etc.) Turn them off! Stare at a flower, at the sunset, into your beauitful wife’s eyes. Add some calm and quiet into what your eyes behold.
  • Our ears are tortured by the sound of our messy world. Traffic, air-conditioners, even music. Do you ever step into a room and turn everything off? No music. No television. No “bing” from your phone’s texts. Just quietness. Try it. It might feel shocking at first.
  • And our poor noses. As long as they’re clear and we can breathe with ease, we ignore them. It’s going to sound stupid… but…  when was the last time you stopped to smell a rose? (A real rose – not the one that comes from an air-freshener.) What about the smell of a cinnamon bun warm from the oven? Or, when was the last time you took a huge wiff of your morning coffee? Just a quiet, calm sniff…
  • What have you enjoyed touching lately? We have this huge expanse of skin with receptors, and we don’t really concentrate on how much joy it can give us. The coolness of clean sheets. The softness of your wife’s cheek; the bristles of your husband’s beard. The flow of warm water over your hands. The tickle of grass under your feet. So many wonderful experiences can calm us if we embrace a quiet concentration. Be still. Touch your spouse with one finger. Enjoy exploring – quietly. Together.
  • Taste. Sweet, salty, tangy, sour, spicy and robust…  Stop shoveling down your food. Quietly taste each bite. Savor.

What a gift we’ve been given as humans with our senses. Use them well. 

Practice Solitude

Practicing solutitude might sound counter-intuitive. How can you enrich your marriage, if you deliberately look for time alone? Solitude is the act of being alone, without feeling lonely. It’s a choice.

The benefits of solitude include:

  • a greater awareness of your present, past and future
  • a time to connect with God – to listen and pray and listen again for His will. Jesus practiced solitude; He would often go off alone and talk with His Father.
  • restoring your body and your mind by slowing down

Couldn’t you be a better spouse if you both took time in quietness for a bit of solitude? When the well is dry, there’s not much to give your spouse…  In the Lead Like Jesus Encounter, there’s a beautiful exercise which teaches participants how to practice solitude. When Robert facilitates an Encounter, everyone who goes through this exercise is blown away.

And the beauty of being a husband and wife is that you can encourage and support each other to take time for solitude.

Quietness is in rare supply.

The Value of Quietness isn’t one you’ll see often in husband and wife relationships… unless those couples deliberately cultivate it. But it’s possible.

Does this Value appeal to you?

Opt In Image
Discover Your Values as a Couple

How can you make sure those values you live – together as husband and wife– are consistent, cohesive, and have a lasting impact?

Values help you prioritize - decide when and what to do in a situation, and then remain consistent in all your decisions.

Check out the guide and workbook for couples!

Also includes an audio version!