Change in your marriage is good, right?
Sometimes it is. And sometimes it has many more challenges than you expected.
To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven…
Yes. All things for a time. Keep that in mind as you manage the change in your marriage and your life!
This day will never come again.
Sometimes you give a hearty cheer at the thought that this day will never come again – and other times it’s with a bit of heart-wrench that you view …
- the first day of organized education – and then graduation into the school of real-life
- the moment you first meet your spouse – and the last time you hold their hand (in this life).
- the birth of your baby – and releasing that grown baby to adulthood and all life holds
- the building of a new home – and selling that house to move forward into your next home
- starting a journey – and finishing
These past days have given Rob and me time to ponder beginnings and endings, and days that will never come again. You see, we’ve been holding a newborn boy – and marveling at the miracle of change.
(Our grandboy is only 6 hours old in these pictures. I sat, quietly cradling him in my arms, as mom and dad took a nap. It seemed like only moments had passed since I held that newborn’s dad in my arms. Yes. Changes. Sweet, with a side of surreal.)
Change in your marriage after a new baby?
Now there’s a line in the sands of time: Before Baby vs After Baby
We’re watching our son and daughter-in-love navigate this new time in their marriage. (Don’t worry – I told them I’d be writing about this.) They’ve been married for five years, so this new phase of family growth is expected.
Most of you reading this post have already experienced this new change in your marriage. I’m sure I’m not surprising you when I state:
A new baby is a LOT of work! Sleepless work.
It was like that when our kids came into our lives, also. All things for a time. It passes, doesn’t it?
Eventually you get a bit more sleep, and you adjust to the number of diapers needed, the loads of laundry, the bottles drying on the counter, and all the baby items strewn about the house. You grow into being the parents your new little baby needs… but what about your marriage?
What needs to grow in your marriage – after baby arrives?
- Patience. Your patience with each other needs to grow.
- and Grace. Give each other do-overs, try-agains, next-times, and start-a-news.
After baby arrives, it’s also important to remember you’re more than parents… you’re still spouses!
Lots of things remain the same after a change in your marriage like a baby arriving, but other areas of your relationship need some extra tender, and loving care to grow…
I’m talking about sex. Being intimate. After a baby is born.
And it starts on Day 1 when the hospital, for some inexplicable reason, sends you home with a small human being and no instruction manual. Here you are, wiped out from childbirth, with nothing more than high hopes, a collection of baby supplies, and tidbits of advice from here and there, and you are handed a living, breathing infant.
Consequently, in the first few days, most wives are not thinking, “Oh no, why can’t I have sex?” They are thinking, “Why can’t I have sleep?!” They are wondering how they can afford food now that half their budget goes toward diapers. They are eyeballing the section of their belly that used to be a taut baby bump and now looks like a satchel of blubber. They are considering how scared they are to let out that first bowel movement. (Am I telling the truth, moms?)
Even the husbands may be wondering when the little guy will stop crying or how much pee and poop an eight-pound baby can manufacture! Daddy may feel a bit overwhelmed too…
– this is from “A Month Without Sex” with J. Parker at Hot, Holy & Humorous
I must confess. I asked my online marriage-blogger friends for resources about how to navigate sex in marriage after baby comes. Rob and I don’t usually write about sex in marriage, but our other friends do – so why not recommend ideas from the experts, huh? 😉
Resources – Sex after Baby
Here are a few posts and resources – be prepared to both laugh & be educated… I wish I’d had these wise words in the year after we had our first child!
-> A Month Without Sex?! Advice for New Moms – “Because you are a beautiful, amazing wife and mom; your marriage can stay strong; your intimacy can be managed; and children are a blessing from the Lord.”
-> When My Sex Life Sucked – Part 1 and Part 2 – “When I was carrying babies, bearing babies, nursing babies, and caring for babies — better known as the alien invasion years — my body did not feel like my own. It was me, of course; however, my body had been irrevocably changed.”
-> Baby’s Here. But Sex? Not So Much. – “When there’s so much else going on, we have to make a conscious decision to focus on sex with our husband. If you make it a priority in your mind, over time you’ll likely find your emotions following. You will reawaken love for him and your sexual intimacy.”
-> 3 Ways for Moms of Littles to Feel More Sensual – “Toddler laughter can create world peace, and their stubbornness can suck the life out of the most nurturing mama. You are exhausted on all levels …If in the midst of all this, pondering sexual thoughts about the father of said innocents is as likely to occur as your creating an equation to refute E=MC2, then read on.”
-> and here’s a book I’ve been reading in the general area of intimacy (a review to come) about “25 Questions You’re Afraid to Ask about Love, Sex and Intimacy”. (affiliate link)
Even if you’re well past the child-bearing years, I recommend you read these articles – with your spouse. Talk about that time in your life where sex wasn’t happening (all that much) during a change in your marriage. Maybe it’s happening right now?