Kindness: warmhearted and considerate; humane and sympathetic; charitable.

All these words sound like a grouping of behaviors and attitudes which would add positively to a relationship… Can the Value of Kindness be found in your marriage?

We are usually kind to strangers. There’s no skin-in-the-game with a stranger. Simple politeness – please and thank-you – demonstrates basic kindness. This is stuff we share with most people, and it’s been a skill we’ve sought to teach our children. We easily give to charity – sometimes we take pride in it. And when others are hurting, we’re quick to provide sympathy and some food.

But what about in a long-term relationship like marriage – where there’s no “time-outs” in the hard times, or rewards for good behavior when in the midst of a relationship typhoon? What if your spouse isn’t kind to you?

Are you a warm-hearted spouse? (That’s one part of being kind.)

Is being kind to each other a some-time action when life is good?  Can you be considerate of your spouse if everything else is in order and it’s not going to take too much of your time? What does your spouse need to do before you choose to be kind – are there prerequisites – condidtions to being kind?

Do you love your spouse? Well…

Love is kind. 

Whoops. (Did I hit a sore spot?) Love is kind.

kindness is found in love

One way to demonstrate your love to your spouse… is by being kind.

This phrase is a favorite for marriage ceremonies – 1Corinthians 13:4.  But it’s usually packaged tightly with “love is patient”… and we forget the part about being kind. (And yes – sometimes being patient with your spouse IS being kind!)

It’s so easy to think of all the instances where your spouse didn’t act with kindness toward you… It’s the “woulda, coulda, shoulda” circle of inaction.

I just want to suggest something:

Kindness is not about you!

Being kind is not about you and your needs. Being kind is not about your agenda and within the time you’ve allotted. Being kind can be painful – it can be intrusive, and down-right inconvenient. Sometimes, being kind will be uncomfortable!

  • smiling at your spouse – even if you don’t feel like it
  • offering to serve your spouse – to meet a need – even if you haven’t been served
  • giving your best to your spouse  – before anyone else
  • refraining from an action because it might cause pain or concern
  • remaining neutral when your spouse needs a sounding board, even if you have an opinion

Being a kind spouse may not be about you – but it will make a mark on the future and your children.

How woud a culture of kindness in your relationship and family impact your story? It needs to begin with someone. Let it being with you! We stand as a living example for the generations to come… would being kind to each other add something positive to your history?

“Love is not affectionate feeling,

but a steady wish for the loved person’s ultimate good

as far as it can be obtained.”

~ C.S. Lewis

I’m putting these posts – “A to Z” Values – all under the FAMILY portion of this site. Why? Every one of these Values words will be a blessing to each spouse – but more than that… they’ll benefit your whole family!

Imagine if you are kind to your spouse – what kind of impact will that have on your family? On your children? I’m guessing that your children and family will only benefit as they watch the two of you practicing being kind!

This is an Instagram challenge for July 2016 – A to Z and a few numbers… check out our Instagram account!

The posts in this series can be found on the PAGE – 27 Values to Enrich your Marriage  (BTW – If you’re reading this post before the end of July 2016, then the page isn’t complete… I’m still writing! 😉 )

27 Values to Enrich your Marriage - 27 values for your marriage