May 17, 2012
Did you know that the first “not good” in the Bible was about Adam being alone?
Now the Lord God had planted a garden in the east, in Eden; and there he put the man he had formed. (Genesis 2:8)
The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him. (Genesis 2:18)
What is a “suitable helper”?
One who adds strength – and reinforces.
The Hebrew word used for “helper” is ‘ezer – which can be also used “… to describe military help, such as reinforcements without which a battle would be lost.”
~ quote from The Meaning of Marriage by Timothy Keller
Fighting a Battle
How many battles have been fought in the course of history where the weakening side reached out for reinforcements? Many, I imagine.
Perhaps the groups were caught unaware and unprepared. Perhaps they were standing alone, far from their supporters. Perhaps they believed their own force was enough to defeat the enemy – but were wrong. Regardless, I imagine many groups sought reinforcements.
And many were denied.
Years ago we visited The Alamo in Texas. It’s the site of a battle, a siege, and a defeat. Here’s a bit of the story:
…The fort was manned by a resolute group of 183 volunteers…
When it became certain that battle was inevitable, the Texans sent a young man out to try to bring back reinforcements…
He slipped out of the old mission at night and made his way ninety-five miles to Goliad for help. But when he arrived, he was told that no troops were available…
At the end of the battle not a single man of the 183 defenders lived…
~ excerpt from John Maxwell’s book The 21 Indispensable Qualities of a Leader in the category of Responsibility.
Did you notice that at the beginning there were 183 – and 183 died? What happened to the young man?
James Bonham, the young man, received word there would be no reinforcements, and instead of just remaining in safety, rode back to the fort, back through enemies lines, to re-enter the fort and continue the fight beside his comrades. Yes, he also died. Because there were no reinforcements.
Does your spouse stand alone?
Or are you there to provide strength – to reinforce?
We need to watch that we’re not too busy – that our children don’t take up all our strength. (I’m speaking to the ladies here.)
We are to be a “suitable helper” to our husbands… where are you expending your strength?
Do you listen when your spouse asks to be reinforced? Perhaps it’s not a verbal question…
Are you caught up in your own ideas and opinions, so much so that you deny your spouse your support – your strengthening reinforcement?
Reinforce your spouse’s strength.
Make sure you are close enough to reinforce…
Be sure you’re aware of where and when your spouse needs to be reinforced…
And even before the battle becomes too much for your spouse, reach out for the One who has all power – ask for God’s help to reinforce both of you!
Do you have a story about reinforcing your spouse?
May 10, 2012
When you walk into the room
Do you light up the room?
OR
When you enter the room …
Do you extinguish the light?
What’s your role in your spouse’s life?
Be the one who brightens their world!
All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.
~ St. Francis of Assisi
May 1, 2012
We live in the south – the south-eastern USA. Though we’re not born southerners, we relish the nuances that make southern living unique.
First, there’s the weather! Sunshine. There’s great southern food. Yum! The abundance of flowers and flowering bushes and trees are a feast for the eyes. There are the huge bugs. And pollen.(OK, maybe we haven’t enjoyed everything southern!)
We also love the cadence of the language. English is spoken here in the south, but it’s spoken slower and pulled out into many syllables. There are uniquely southern phrases.
One uniquely southern phrase we’ve come to know is:
Well, bless your heart!
Sometimes this phrase is exactly what it seems. A positive affirmation. It’s a way to show sympathy and love and solidarity.
However, it’s also expressed at other times. Instead of being rude, a southern lady might use this phrase to indicate that what you’ve done or said, is just plain stupid. But they still love you anyway.
Some time ago we were in a group meeting, and a fellow from one of the northern states was presenting a new concept. When he completed his presentation, he asked if there were any questions.
A southern lady asked a question. His answers were not applicable to her situation. She qualified her question. And then rephrased it. And again. And once more. This northern-born presenter continued to see the situation from his own vantage and wasn’t able to respond to meet her needs, in her situation.
This southern lady ultimately gave up and finished with the statement, “Well, bless your heart.”
Of course the gathered group chuckled.
We were all southerners and understood the expression of her frustration. Unfortunately (or fortunately) the fellow from a northern State didn’t grasp the nuance of her statement.
Regardless of her frustration, this southern lady still wanted good for the presenter.
Do you bless your spouse?
Let’s be candid here.
We don’t always meet in the middle with our spouse – there are issues that continue to be annoying. Sometimes we’re the problem. Sometimes not. At times we just can’t understand where our spouse is coming from… and sometimes they just don’t ‘get’ us!
Do you continue to bless your spouse, regardless of how much you agree or don’t agree?
Bless: to request of God the bestowal of divine favor on someone, or request protection from evil.
Words are powerful.
God created everything with a Word.
Our words can create an atmosphere of growth or of death.
Let’s bless our spouse!
Apr 26, 2012
What do you admire about your spouse?
It’s not hard to make a list of qualities you admire in your spouse – if you’re paying attention. You married this person, so there must have been qualities that drew you to him or her. Do you remember?
The first thing I ever noticed about Robert was his voice. He was sitting behind me in a church class – he’d just joined the class as a guest – and I didn’t even know what he looked like. He answered a question with his deep, 16-year-old voice, and I was intrigued. I still love the timbre of his voice! (If you’ve ever listened to any of his Values Quotes videos, you’ll understand.) I value that Robert never gives up. He has the quality of perseverance.
Sometimes a compliment will be about what you value, or simply enjoy in your spouse. At times a compliment will be about something small, and insignificant such as a physical attribute. Other times a compliment will highlight a strength, or how your spouse has grown in a way that wasn’t strong in the past.
Compliments are a simple way to show respect & love.
A sincerely given word of appreciation, admiration, and approval has the power to light up your spouse. Better yet, it’s a tangible way to show how much you notice the good stuff – all those unique gifts, and talents God has put into your spouse.
Complimenting your spouse can be learned.
Perhaps you’ve grown up in an atmosphere where compliments were rare. Or needed to be earned. Don’t be stingy. It’s not necessary to continue that behavior. It is possible to learn how to give words of affirmation and admiration. Exercise your ability to give a sincere compliment. Like a muscle, it’s a skill that must be exercised.
Don’t wait to give compliments. At the grave-side a compliment has no impact on the body waiting to be buried. Learn to give the gift of a compliment – now.
Respecting and loving your spouse can take many avenues. A sincere compliment is one.
A compliment is like verbal sunshine.
~ Robert Orben
How do you go out of your way to acknowledge the good stuff about your spouse?
Apr 19, 2012
Can you think of a time when you loved your spouse with excessive, unfair partiality?
Or showed him or her preferential treatment? Or gave the one you love – your spouse – your undivided support, attention and approval?
It’s OK to be biased.
It’s good to have a favorite person – if that person is your spouse!
Think about it – if your spouse is your favorite:
- you like your spouse more than anyone else. That’s kinda cool. Imagine if your spouse felt that you liked him/her more than anyone else, if they knew that you liked them best… how would that influence your relationship?
- your actions are biased. You regularly choose your spouse. There’s no question in anyone’s mind that your spouse is first in your consideration. Imagine if your spouse felt you considered him/her first… how would that affect your relationship?
- you give without expecting remuneration. There’s no expectation to receive anything in return, if your spouse is your favorite. What you give is just an outward sign of your favor – your regard and approval. Imagine if your spouse felt no strings were attached to anything you gave her/him… how would that shape your relationship?
Show your spouse favor.
You demonstrated your bias when you married your spouse.
You chose that special person over every other person on your wedding day and showed her/him excessive partiality.
On your wedding day you promised your undivided support in good and bad, in sickness and health.
Make every day just like your wedding day – encourage your spouse by making her/him your favorite!
Favor:
– goodwill as a kind act; not from justice or for remuneration
– held in high regard with preferential treatment, unfair partiality and excessive kindness
Have you been married a while? Perhaps you’ve renewed your vows. What did you promise to your spouse when you renewed your vows? If you’re considering renewing your vows, what would you promise?
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