Jan 17, 2013
We’re headed into that heart month – February.
Flowers & cards.
Chocolate.
Dinner for two.
Intimacy.
What about your heart?
I’m not talking only about emotions… I’m talking about the physical muscle!
How is that muscle beating in your chest?
(The one that flutters when your spouse walks in the room!)
Would you like to encourage your spouse AND strengthen their heart?
Spend time hugging.
A hug. Sixty Seconds. One minute.
Benefits from hugging – research done by the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill :
Higher levels of Oxytocin. Oxytocin has been linked to feelings of contentment, calmness, security, bonding, and trust. Higher levels decrease anxiety and fear. Physiologically, oxytocin causes the “letdown reflex” for nursing moms, uterine contraction, and increased wound healing. All good stuff, right?
Lowered Blood Pressure. About 1 in 3 adults in the USA has high blood pressure. (I do. Rob doesn’t.) How is your blood pressure? How about your spouse? In the above study, it was shown that hugging reduces blood pressure. Healthy blood pressure is linked to decreased risk of: coronary heart disease, kidney disease, and stroke. Apparently a healthy heart is good to have!
Take the time to hug your spouse.
Hug.
Chest to Chest.
Hug. From behind.
Hug.
Lying down, standing up, sitting on the couch, inside, outside, on the street, in the kitchen, at the door, in the car, morning, noon, and night, at the top of the hour, at the quarter hour, at breakfast, at bedtime, hug hard, hug long, hug with both arms wrapped around each other.
And then do it again.
And again.
Hugs feel good. They’re beneficial for your heart.
When was the last time you hugged your spouse for 60-seconds?
Leave a comment – let’s start a hugging epidemic!
Linking up with
Happy Wives Club – Why I love my husband!
(As you can imagine, I love Rob because he always – everyday for the last 30+ years – has hugged me. 😉 )
ps – I’m a blogger – not a doctor. I have no training in health care.
If, for some reason your doctor says you shouldn’t hug – please don’t…. 😛 😎
Jan 14, 2013
The power of touch is huge – I’m sure this concept isn’t new to you. If you’re interested in some data on the importance and significance of touch, take a look at this post.
Touch can be more nuanced than only using your body…
What?
Touch your spouse with your voice.
We’ve been given the gift of sound and words.
Give it some thought:
There’s a huge difference between a mother speaking to her baby as they’re cuddling while nursing, compared to when she’s yelling at the car in front of her as she’s late for an appointment.
It’s all about tone.
(OK – a little bit has to do with volume too…)
With what tone do you touch your spouse?
It is possible to use your voice to touch your spouse.
Robert can put me to sleep with just his voice. Now, don’t laugh. This is a good thing!
When my head is full of worries or it’s been a busy day and all the conversations are rolling around in my head, Rob will talk about happy things as we lie together in bed. The sound of his voice soothes me, it brings me peace. And then I can fall asleep.
Have you ever whispered sweet words into your spouse’s ears?
The sweet words can be teasing, or naughty. The words don’t even need to be whispered – they can be everyday conversations.
But notice your tone – the quality of your vocal intonation – as you speak to your spouse today.
Does the sound of your voice caress your spouse – or slap them?
Linking up with:
A Proverbs 31 Wife
Grace Laced
Covered in Grace
Jan 8, 2013
This painting is an “elaborate fiction” commissioned by a grieving widower.
My mom and I visited the North Carolina Museum of Art during Christmas holidays. It’s an amazing collection of works of art. As we viewed a gallery, took some photos (without a flash) and read the notes at the side of each painting, a commentary struck me:
“… an ideal image of himself, the self he wishes to bequeath to posterity.”
Unlike photos, where we might be caught unaware and exactly as we are, commissioned paintings were meant to present an ideal.
The painting above is of the Pepperrell Family, painted by John Singleton Copely. This family – one of the wealthiest in Boston – was loyal to England, and was exiled around the time of the American Revolution. (1776) When the painting was commissioned, two of its figures were gone.
Lady Pepperrell died “tragically” (I don’t know the story because it isn’t listed), and her husband commissioned the portrait of the family to appear as “a comforting vision of what might have been had not war and death come knocking.” The baby boy between the mom and dad had also died.
A nobleman. A soldier. A Cardinal.
Three other commissioned paintings showed men in the light they wanted to be seen: a haughty air of nobility, an attitude of courageousness, and a demeanor of sanctimonious piety.
How do we appear?
Your spouse sees you – all the time.
He or she sees you when you’re fighting a cold and your nose is a pretty shade of crimson. You’re seen when you’re dressed to celebrate New Year’s Eve at the fanciest hotel in your town. Your spouse has seen you clothed and unclothed, at the peak and when your appearance is scraping the bottom of the barrel.
There’s no “elaborate fiction” in a marriage relationship.
Chances are, most of us will not be commissioning a wall-sized portrait done in oils in 2013. Any photos that are taken will document our life.
But what really becomes our legacy?
Our relationships become our gift to the next generation.
Photos or paintings evoke an emotion. I’m sure that Sir Pepperell gazed at his commissioned painting with longing, because no matter what he did, he couldn’t make the composition a reality. I don’t know if he and his wife had a loving relationship. Perhaps.
Forget about appearing as the ideal image – work on living.
Image doesn’t matter. Action matters.
If you and your spouse have a solid, loving and work-able relationship (notice I didn’t say “perfect”), your legacy to your children and grandchildren’s grandchildren will outlast any photo or painting. It’s called blessing.
No need to pretend or project “an ideal image… to bequeath to posterity” – you’ll have lived it.
What are you doing – today – to make your relationship with your spouse… more?
Here are a few ideas, in no specific order:
- Pray with your spouse – an active prayer life combats fear
- Smile. Smile at your spouse.
- Be kind. Expect nothing – just be kind.
- Listen. If you’re far away from your spouse in distance, a listening ear is like a virtual hug.
- Encourage. Put courage into your spouse – it has to start somewhere, why not with you?
This list is pretty simple – but the simple ideas are often the keys that open locked doors…
Leave a comment – add to the list!
What else could you do to add to a good relationship with your spouse?
Linking up with
My Daily Walk in His Grace
Rediscovering Domesticity
Leaving a Legacy
Wedded Wednesday
Nov 15, 2012
Gentleness in Marriage – it’s a strength that’s often overlooked.
My husband had me in tears this morning. We got home late last night, he hadn’t finished his daily blog post, so I went to sleep while he worked into the wee hours of the morning …
So when I got up , I read his post and started crying.
Let me introduce you to Robert:
One of his differentiating values is Gentleness. I can unequivocably say that since I’ve known him – for 32 years – he has demonstrated this value – over and over and over and over and over and over and over…
and over…
Why do I love Robert? So many reasons. And one of them is how his strength shines through gentleness… (he’s absolutely qualified to write this post)
10 ways to show gentleness to your spouse:
Elephants are strong yet gentle. It’s a unique combination. Maybe that’s why we admire them so.
For centuries, elephants have been used to carry large, heavy items, even uprooting trees. Watching them work might scare some people. But if they are tamed at a young age, they tend to remain gentle giants.
It can be the same in marriage.
In a healthy marriage, both husband and wife need to feel free to express what’s on their mind. However, neither spouse would ever force their will upon the other. It’s the perfect combination of love and respect.
Unfortunately, for some people this is a foreign concept. It’s like speaking a different language. If they didn’t experience it growing up – quite likely they experienced the opposite – then they don’t know how to be gentle in their marriage. Worse yet, such problems tend to only show themselves when major marital issues arise.
So what can a married couple do?
They can start by understanding the value of gentleness.
The Value of Gentleness
As a differentiating value, Gentleness means even-tempered; considerate; honorable, strength under control.
The last part, strength under control, can have the greatest impact in a marriage. Yes,. Gentleness in Marriage is learning to control one’s actions, words, and even thoughts is the beginning of real strength.
How often does one “bite their tongue” and say nothing to their spouse about an issue. But then they go to work or visit friends and blab all their negative feelings about their spouse. Where is the strength in that? There is nothing honorable or considerate about tearing down your spouse in front of others.
Does this means one must just “grin and bear it?” No. That’s neither healthy nor sustainable.
To create a healthy, strong marriage, practicing the value of gentleness might just be the perfect fitness program.
10 Ways to Practice Gentleness in Marriage
Gentleness can be found in many forms. It’s quiet, but strong.
Here are 10 ways it can be practiced in marriage.
- Gentleness is choosing to address difficult issues during the day instead of at night.
- Gentleness is honoring the free will of your spouse, but does not join in just to placate them.
- Gentleness is speaking the truth in love. It shines a light on a tender issue while maintaining respect.
- Gentleness is remaining even-tempered during a crisis, yet staying alert for possible dangers.
- Gentleness is offering a hug when your spouse messes up, and saying nothing.
- Gentleness uses light humor to diffuse tense moments.
- Gentleness protects vulnerable spots but addresses the hurt that needs healing.
- Gentleness never needs to yell, and never cowers or whimpers.
- Gentleness takes its time to consider all the facts, but is quick to ask for forgiveness.
- Gentleness remains ever present, even if it’s never acknowledged.
Which of these items are easy for you? Which ones are hard to do?
As one of the nine ‘fruit of the spirit’ (Galatians 5:22-23), gentleness is frequently skipped over as a weak value. Being gentle is often equated to ‘giving in’ or simply ‘being nice.’ True gentleness couldn’t be further from the truth.
To show strength while keeping it under control requires mastery. It needs to be practiced.
Do you know a couple that demonstrates the value of gentleness in marriage? How does it work for them?
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This post is also on Robert’s website – “Ferguson Values“.
In addition to writing, Robert also speaks on Values Differentiation in Marketing, Marriage & Leadership.
Oct 22, 2012
Encouragement is like a glass of clear, clean, cold water – it refreshes.
What would you call the glass of dirty water with “floaties”?
(it’s not encouragement)
Which are you offering your spouse?
Inspire with Hope – Encouraging by looking forward with optimism.
Fortify with Faith – Encouraging by using your strong faith in God.
Foster with Love – Encouraging by loving without condition.
Uplift with Prayer – Encouraging by taking all your spouse’s concerns to God.
Support with Action – Encouraging by being that extra pair of hands to help.
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