16 Reasons a Date Night is the Best Choice

16 Reasons a Date Night is the Best Choice

Date Night, for a husband and wife, can descend into a silent, mediocre meal, surrounded by strangers, with nothing better to take home than the bill. Why bother?

Here’s both the Big Picture and the Practical wrapped up in 16 reasons…

Take Back Date Night!

16 reasons a date night is the best choice for you and your spouse:

  1. Quality Time = Quality Marriage. Dedicated time for a date night with each other starts with a promise of quality time. (one the of the five love languages) 
  2. Be a Keeper. By being proactive, use date night to do something new, and stay connected all through your years of marriage. There’s no reason to fall out of  love (or “like”) with each other! Here’s a link to a post about what we’ve seen in couples married many years. 
  3. Stress Away.  No… really! Let that stress of daily life GO! Arrange a date night to let go of stress – music, physical activity, laughter, quiet contemplation while viewing a sunset or whatever works to recharge. A date night is the perfect opportunity to de-stress. 
  4. Reach Out and Touch. Physical touch is another of the 5 love languages. It’s priceless. (and not all about sex – but always could include intimacy!) Use date night to escalate the power of touch – from holding hands, to caressing a face, to massaging shoulders, to kissing, to…  (Yeah. You get the gist, right?) Play a bit. Only go further one step at a time – use an hour to go no further than touching each other’s hands, and the next hour to only touch above the neck, and the third hour to only use your mouth... elsewhere…(are you smirking yet?) 

  5. Stability in Change. There’s nothing so constant as change. Your life is going to change. Guaranteed. You will change. Your spouse will change. Your kids will change. Everything is always changing. (Tired yet?) Use date night to remain stable, emotionally and relationally,  in every change you encounter. 

  6. Challenged to Grow. Date night, done well, forces the two of you to stretch. What do I mean, “done well”? Whenever there’s a opportunity, you have two choices: put in some effort or seek the path of least resistance. Your marriage will grow if you always put in the effort, and date night is a regular way to make sure you push yourself
  7. Inject Humor into a Serious Life. Robert and I are pretty serious. We feel we don’t laugh enough, and deliberately seek out opportunities to be around people who find laughter easy. What about you? Are you one of those easy-to-laugh couples? (Hey- want to hang out together?) If you do find it easy to laugh, share your gift with each other, and others! And if you’re like us, then use date night to watch YouTube videos, listen to comedians on Sirius Comedy channel, go to the bookstore and read each other funny comics – or the card store and pick out cards to make each other laugh! (Just read them and carefully put them away  – it doesn’t have to cost anything!) 
  8. “Yes, I’d marry YOU again!” Words of Affirmation. Assurance. Use date night to affirm your spouse. (That’s another of the love languages!) After you’ve been married for multiple decades (or even before that) and life becomes either hum-drum, or hectic, it’s deeply valuable to know your spouse admires you… still.  Or that your spouse values you… still. Or your spouse would choose you all over again! 
  9. More than. You are more than a man. More than a woman. You are more than a mother. More than a father. More than a grandparent, an employee, a minister, a clerk, a lawyer, a note-taker, a cook, a dog-walker. You are the other half of another person. It’s so easy to lose track of that fact. To mitigate its importance.  As spouses, you are One-Flesh. Made for each other. United. 
  10. Asking for Help. It’s not what you might think – I’m not suggesting you use your date night to go to counseling. Rather, have you ever considered a date night focused on prayer? I’m guessing your life isn’t all peaches and roses. I imagine you’re kind of like Rob and me – you’ve got problems. Concerns. Use an hour of date night to pray together – ask for help from the ONE who has all the answers and all the power. Date night doesn’t need to be (only) fun and games. You’ve already taken time away – you’re disconnected from everyday life.,, Date night is also there for the serious stuff. Make date night count – use it for the problem times too! 

  11. Be Unique! Unfortunately, it’s not common to find couples who are deliberate about making time for a date night. It’s rare to find husbands and wives who have a night/morning/afternoon date – alone – every week. Yes, it is sad. Heart-breaking. Especially when you talk with couples who are contemplating divorce and can’t remember the last time they spent quality time together. 

     Here’s a personal story – we have friends in Dallas – married many decades, who go on a weekly “date night”. Her work even knows not to schedule her on that evening, because it’s “date night”! In her role as the Director of First Impressions at a call center, she shares her view on the value of date-night… and she lives it! Couldn’t we all be like that?

  12. You’re a Team. Have you forgotten? Husband and wife are a team – tackling life together. Your kids are going to grow up – your buddies/girlfriends will shift, your employment will change… You. Are. A. Team.  Use date night to work together on a project, to overcome a fear, to plan a new outcome, and set goals. Oh, please set goals together! Here’s a post about setting goals as husband and wife. 
  13. Keep Each Other Young. Use date night to play. Use that time together to renew your playful spirit, and to find the kid hidden inside you both. Try board games from your childhood, or legos, or swing, or play hop-scotch, or…  
  14. Ask Great Questions. Robert just finished a great book, A More Beautiful Question: The Power of Inquiry to Spark Breakthrough Ideas by Warren Berger. The premise of the book is that by questioning, deeply, imaginatively, and “beautifully” we can identify and solve problems, come up with game-changing ideas, and pursue fresh opportunities. Use the power of questions to enrich your life together! Need suggestions for questions? Try our eBook!  
  15. Romance is ALIVE and well! Do you remember the “tingles”… those flutters, and quivers when you first saw your spouse? My first memory of Rob is hearing his deep, bass voice answering questions behind me in church. (I was 14 – he was 16.) Later, when we began dating, I would get this thrill, just to know he was going to knock on our side door, and take me out for the evening. When was the last time you felt the “tingles”? Have you dressed up for your spouse lately? Have you given her a gift? (Yeah, gifts are another of the five love languages.) What about trying a few new options in your intimacy, or an invitation to slow dance to a love song… a moonlight kiss, or a love note? A date night will keep the romance in your marriage alive!  
  16. Connect and Communicate to Encourage. We all long to feel understood, don’t we? We all need to feel affirmed. Each spouse – husband or wife – wants to feel valued. Date night does all of this – if you’ve decided to make the event (morning, noon or night) a tool to connect and communicate. It’s up to you. Each of you. Date night is the best choice to encourage your spouse, if you keep this in mind. 

Is it time for a date night? 

… to communicate, face-to-face…

… to connect emotionally …

Intentionally share yourself with your spouse. 

Date Night. With a purpose.

…arise, my love, my beautiful one, and come away. 

O my dove, in the clefts of the rock,

in the crannies of the cliff,

let me see your face, let me hear your voice”

Song of Solomon 2:13-14

Is it time for a date night-


Hope Faith Love Prayer Action

 I’m sure you’ve already heard of the book by Gary Chapman, The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts – but in case you have yet to read it… please – take the time!

Really. You’re relationship will be forever changed!

It’s the first resource that Robert and I recommend for anyone. Everyone. It’s easy to understand, and easy to do. Yup. It has the big picture and the practical.

There are 5 ways we feel loved – and one of them is our primary way. So many spouses believe they’re communicating their love, and yet the other isn’t “getting” it. This book will get you on the road to solving that problem.

Have you read it a while ago? Maybe it’s time to re-read it. Together. With your spouse!

AH… another date night activity?

Take Back Date Night
Thankful to link with:

Wednesday Prayer Girls 


Humble Hearts Equal Healthy Marriages

Being Humble.

It’s not the first attitude you’d use when you describe a healthy marriage, is it?

And yet…

Love is never…     … arrogant with pride.

1Corinthians 13:4

If love isn’t arrogant with pride, then what’s the opposite?


Being Humble.

Want to know three ways to interact with your spouse – with a humble heart?

Read more at our guest post on Lead Like Jesus

(click this link: https://leadlikejesus.com/blog/blog-post/how-a-humble-heart-will-draw-your-spouse-closer)

Lead Like Jesus How a Humble Heart Will Draw Your Spouse Closer


Love Your Spouse. Every Day.

Love Your Spouse. Every Day.

Being consistent is either your strength…


it’s a weakness.

But if you’re consistent in only ONE area of your marriage

make it LOVE.

Every day is a new day to love your spouse.

When you wake up in the morning, know that today is a day

you can,

you’re able,

it’s possible

to love your spouse.

Sometimes, after a while in marriage, we lose perspective. Other things may appear to become more important than loving your spouse.

Perspective check:

And now these three remain but the greatest of these is love

How can we love our spouse?

There’s a great book which Robert and I recommend to everyone: “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman. If you’d like an overview, take a look at this post.

30 Observations in 30 Years of Marriage The List

This post is part of the  30 Observations in 30 Years

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Encouraging Your Spouse in a Time of Disappointment

Encouraging Your Spouse in a Time of Disappointment

Things don’t always work out the way we’d like.

Life is not fair.

We might not like it, but it’s a fact.

Life is not fair.

(And who said it was supposed to be fair, anyway? That’s just a new-age myth. Give it up.)

God writes our story, and sometimes we’d like to change the details, but in the end, I’m sure He has the best, most awesome story for each of us. The best. I’m sure. I’ll bet my eternal life on that one.


Things don’t always work out the way we’d like.

And it…


(I was going to use the word “sucks”, but my father told me a lady doesn’t use that word. So I won’t.)

Things don’t always work out the way we’d like and it’s disappointing.

People disappoint.

Plans disappoint.

Events disappoint.

 Situations disappoint.

How do you encourage your spouse even through disappointment?

encourage even through disappointment FB

First, take stock of where you are.

Yes, you’re (both) disappointed – grieved – angry – frustrated – tired – frightened – disheartened – overwhelmed – confused – sad…  It’s OK to feel all those emotions.

Most times it’s not really anyone’s fault, it’s just part of the story.

Most times it’s not a tragedy, just a disappointment.

Most times it’s only for a time.

Start from where you are – and look forward.

There is always hope. It might not be the hope you wanted. It might not be the hope you envisioned. It might not be the hope you counted on. It might not be the hope you prayed for. It might not be the hope you…

There is always hope.

Reassess.  Redirect. Revise.

Stand firm on the foundation of your faith in God.

Share stories of how God has shown His power and faithfulness in your history together. Give thanks. Force your thoughts away from the current disappointment and rest on His promises. Be determined. Be stubborn. Dig in. Dig deep. Praise Him.

Love your spouse with no conditions. With no prerequisites.

Your love for each other does not need to be affected by this disappointment. In fact, disappointment can make your love shine with a light so bright it eclipses this moment of your story. (Do not let the evil one tell you lies.)


Pray alone. Pray together. Pray with others. Ask others to pray for you and with you. Pray without ceasing. Pour it all out in prayer, and then praise God.

Do Something.

Do something together. Maybe it’s necessary to take action because of the disappointment. Agree on a direction and make a plan. If you can’t agree, seek counsel. Then make a plan. And do something to move forward.

However, if self-focused action isn’t going to move you past your disappointment, then the action you need to take – together – is to serve. Serve together. Help someone else. Be a team and use the gifts God has put into you both to be a blessing.

This, too, shall pass.

Robert read me a quote this morning from Max Lucado,

“You can tell a lot about a person by the way he dies.”

Yeah. We’re only on this earth for a short while. We’re all headed toward eternity.

Every. One. Of. Us.

Christ died for all of us. He had disappointments. He was let down, betrayed, and walking through five days He experienced everything from Hosanna to Hatred. And I’m going to imagine He knew we would all be b-i-g disappointments for Him at times.  But that didn’t stop Him from finishing His story well.

Encourage your spouse through this time of disappointment – and finish your story, well.

encourage in disappointment

Hope Faith Love Prayer Action

An Addendum to this post – May 2016

I wrote the above post within the hour of receiving devastating news. It just flowed from my heart through my fingers onto the page…  Little did we know how very faithful God would be. 

This post – and our “news” happened on Good Friday. Yes. That Day.  Where all those who followed Christ were struck with despair because it appeared that He was gone – and His purpose was cut off.  

However, just like those women gathered around the tomb – three days later, everything was made clear – all the angst and sorrow and despair was turned to joy… for them… and for us. 

God was faithful. He solved our devastation in a way that was truly His. He took over. He provided. Literally. Someone walked up to our door and provided a way out….  Someday I’ll write the whole story.

It’s two years after this event of moving from despair to joy happened… I’m still in awe. And those who know our full story can’t explain it – there is no logical answer.

It was God. That’s all.  

ALL – that’s what HE is, and does. Always.

In. All. Ways.

All Glory and Honor to HIM!

Saying I Love You – What does your spouse need to do?

Saying I Love You – What does your spouse need to do?

Does saying I Love You show – Unconditional love?

What does your spouse need to do,

before you say,

“I love you”?

Prerequisite to saying I Love You…

Does your spouse need to say those words first as?

Before you say, “I love you.”

Does your spouse need to clean up?

Before saying, “I love you.”

Does your spouse need to hand you roses, or tickets to the game?

Before you say, “I love you.”

Does your spouse need to initiate sex?

Before you say, “I love you.”

Does your spouse need to take you out to dinner?

Before you say, “I love you.”

Does your spouse need to lose some pound-age?

Before you say, “I love you.”

Does your spouse need to dress up?

Before you say, “I love you.”

Does your spouse need to serve your dinner?

Before you say, “I love you.”

Does your spouse need to earn more money?

Before saying, “I love you.”

Does your spouse need to apologize?

Before you say, “I love you.”

or more?

Just give it a thought. Or two.

What prompts you when saying, “I love you” to your spouse?

I love you Unconditional love

Most of us believe we show our spouse unconditional love.

But consider—

There are no prerequisites…


for an unconditional love.

Just a thought.

Are you avoiding saying, I love you – to your spouse? Why?

Are you procrastinating…  avoiding saying those words because you believe your spouse needs to be different, or do different before he/she “deserves” the words?

Procrastinating is a poison. It kills marriages.

Hope Faith Love Prayer Action
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