It doesn’t matter the circumstances of life – celebrating with your spouse builds a healthy marriage. Birthdays are an ideal excuse to celebrate that special person God created just for us.
August 27th is my birthday.
September 7th is Robert’s birthday.
There are 11 days between.
So this year Robert and I are going to celebrate the days between our birthdays
with a dare…
12 dates in 12 days!
The idea first came from this post by Fawn Weaver at the Happy Wives Club!
As people who blog about marriage, we are great at giving ideas, so I thought it might be fun to take up one of these dating dares and follow through. Now – if it were just me, I’d start with good intentions, but after a few days “life” would take over. I’d get side-tracked. Knowing my own tendency, I recruited Robert. He is persistence personified!
He read Fawn’s post. We sat together and planned out our 12 dates – and modified the dating ideas to fit our personality. One modification is that we’re going to stretch out our “Become a Connoisseur” date over the next 12 days.
To be candid, it was a little difficult to decide what we wanted to become a connoisseur over – it had to be inexpensive, and something we liked to eat for 12 days… One idea was sushi. However, as much as we like sushi we decided we couldn’t handle 12 days of raw fish. Another idea was salsa, but our palates aren’t honed enough to truly appreciate the nuances.
What did we settle upon, you ask?
(to learn what we chose – sing this to the tune of “The 12 Days of Christmas”)
On the first day
between birthdays
my true love gave to me…
Soup.
Yes.
We are a boring couple…
We have chosen to become connoisseurs of soup.
Celebrate!
If you and your spouse became connoisseurs –
what would you choose?
ps- We went to Red Lobster and had their Clam Chowder (7/10) and the Lobster Bisque (9/10)! We both liked the Lobster Bisque the best because it had just a hint of a kick with every spoonful. As usual the cheddar biscuits were astounding and addictive. We ate w-a-y too many!
Thanks to Laura, our server!
Our 2nd date is a “home improvement” date!
And we’re trying some place new in Raleigh for our next soup adventure…
If you’re interested in the 12DateDare that spawned our celebrations read it HERE.
Our 1st-world culture is image obsessed. We see evidence in kids going back to school, in advertisements in magazines and on television. I’m sure you’re not shocked – it’s not like adorning our bodies is something new…
How about you? Are you a stylish person? Do you subscribe to a certain outlook on appearance?
No matter if you’re fashion forward – or backward – or have your own way of expressing your identity through fashion:
What you wear will either encourage or discourage
…your spouse.
And influence those around you.
I’m suggesting we all need to be deliberate in some areas of our appearance.
3 Things
When this post began it had 3 points – and ended up at over 1000 words. Much too long. So I divided it up into three parts – one post for today, one post for tomorrow and the last on Monday.
Do you look like you’re married?
Are you highlighting what he/she enjoys?
What are your cues?
This is the first.
When your spouse looks at you – sees you and how you’ve chosen to adorn yourself :
Do you look like you’re married?
A few years ago I accompanied Robert on a business trip to Munich, Germany. While he worked, I toured the city using the Bahnhof (train). Entering the underground station, there are unmanned kiosks to view the stops and purchase tickets. At one of these kiosks an English speaking man struck up a conversation about how to make a ticket choice (I can read and understand some German and he couldn’t). I was friendly. Then he asked me to meet him at the end of the day for a drink.
I was shocked, and stammered a bit before I said I couldn’t because I was married. He pointedly looked at my left hand.
It was bare.
I’d deliberately left my rings at home, because the prongs holding the stones had 25+ years of wear and I was concerned I’d loose them. But that didn’t matter. I did not appear married. Even to a stranger…
Yes, there’re lots of passably reasonable reasons not to wear your wedding rings. You might have yours – but I’m not here to argue about it.
My point?
Wedding rings are an outward signal – a tangible sign to you, your spouse, and all you come into contact with that you have made a vow to be faithful to your spouse. A ring on your finger signifies this choice. Like the idea, or don’t like the idea – have cultural, theological or ideological issues, it still doesn’t matter. To our 1st-world culture, a ring on the 4th finger of the left hand signifies marriage.
Do your hands say you’re married?
Your spouse will notice and so will others.
Want an opportunity to encourage your spouse?
Use your smart phone – take a picture of your rings on your hand
– and text it to your spouse.
Say, “I’m so happy to be married to you!”
Tomorrow we’ll move on to #2 – “Are you highlighting what he/she enjoys?” Stay tuned…
As a husband or wife you do more than have an intimate, sexual life with your spouse, raise your children, pay the bills, and live and worship together, don’t you?
Your spouse is also your friend. A real friend.
But what does that mean?
What does it mean to be a real friend?
You might reference neighbors, co-workers, family, employees, church members, classmates, and online acquaintances as “friends”. However I imagine you share your life differently with each category of friend.
Not all labelled as “friend” will know your pain of infertility, or joy at paying off debt. You won’t share your fear of having nothing to do in retirement or excitement over finding the right medication to control your incontinence with everyone. But I hope your spouse hears all these thoughts – and even if that’s not the case right now there’s still time to…
Make your spouse your friend. Work together to be a real friend to each other. What’s a real friend?
Real friends speak the truth in love.
Even when the conversation is going to be difficult – a real friend finds the best time to talk, and a way to phrase the wording so the other feels safe. Read 1Corinthians 13 to learn more about what LOVE means.
Real friends focus on hope for the future.
There’s no giving up to a real friend – they’re always looking for what’s going to be good about the future. They can see all the bad stuff, yet still point at what could be good- soon. Begin your journey with hope here: Romans 15:13
Real friends share their faith in God’s goodness.
A real friend may not be able to fix everything, but they always point to the One who can! David is a great example of always pointing out God’s goodness. Psalm 121
Real friends pray – for & with – each other.
Prayer is a first-line of defense for a real friend. A real friend prays without being asked and shares in prayer those things which lay heavy and are most important. A real friend never stops praying. Luke 18:1
Real friends lend a hand and help – showing respect.
There are more than empty words in a relationship with a real friend. Solidarity and respect play a part when a real friend lends a helping hand. Sometimes the help given is standing firm – being present. And there are times when a real friend shoulders everything until another solution can be found. We strive to love like Christ, don’t we? John 15:13
This weekend Robert and I visited Charleston, South Carolina. And I kept bumping into married people. (Yes, I know – lots of people are married, but it’s not always evident!)
As we checked into our hotel on Saturday night, a giggling couple came through the door behind me. How did I know they were married?
Their clothing kinda gave it away – and their smiles. So cute.
I mentioned that I wrote about marriage, and asked if I could take their picture. They agreed.
And then another lady, also in the lobby, laughed and said she was married 30 years and was sad her husband was up in the room because she wanted me to take a picture of them also. Two sides of a coin – one couple just beginning, and another well on their married way.
On Sunday at lunch I was privileged to sit with four mature ladies – I believe if I added up the total years these ladies had been married it would be over 200 years. Imagine – 200 years worth of marriage experience… You better believe I wanted to dig into that gold mine!
Each of these ladies were German war brides – brought to the USA by a handsome young American soldier more than 50 years ago. Two were widows, and the others had their husbands with them at the opposite end of the table with Robert. (We were the newly married’s in comparison – you know, it’s all about perspective…)
I asked them how they met their husbands.
Oh, the laughter.
You’d think I was with that newly married couple I met the night before!
one wife said it was love at first sight – for both of them
one wife talked about how she almost rejected her future husband when she found out he was a plasterer like her father and uncles – she knew all the dust and dirt in the house from that profession!
all four left their home country with no clue what would await them in the USA
two of them married despite the fact their fathers disapproved of the match
all four needed to learn English and how to navigate marriage and a new country, with no family to fall back on
all four talked about how they spoiled their husbands over the years – and from the conversation, I could tell they were indulged right back.
Yes, they all had marriage challenges and not all years were good. Yet, as they spoke of their beginning with their spouses, I could see the happy young girls shining through the faces of mature women.
One story illustrated the value of patience.
This wife talked about wanting her husband to join her in attending church their whole married life. From a young wife, she had the desire to share her love of Christ with her husband. They had children and she took the kids to church. Her husband wasn’t interested in pursuing a faith life. She prayed. She talked. She pleaded, and begged. Nothing moved him – 45 years of marriage and she practiced her faith alone. Until three years ago.
Three years ago, completely unexpectedly, her husband decided to come to church with her. And then he attended again and again, until he expressed a desire to be baptized.
She had been faithful for 45 years, and finally her prayer was answered. These last three years they’ve been living a life of faith together. Beautiful, huh?
And more.
After lunch Robert and I did a little sight-seeing. We hopped onto the local bus and took a ride around Charleston. (The downtown buses are free – did you know?)
Other married couples kept coming on and off the bus – some older, some young. One wife had left her jacket at the restaurant, and the couple just joked a bit about how she leaves things behind. It was fun to brush past all these couples – a few moments of life shared and we all went our separate ways.
What message did all these couples convey?
They were all happy and proud to be married.
It was evident in their smiles, their “looks to each other”, their words and their actions.
How about you?
When you’re out in public with your spouse, can strangers see you’re happy to be married?
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