Nov 3, 2016
How do you turn failure into fun? -> You need to take action.
I’ve been focusing on prayer the last few weeks. Like… really focusing. Reading. Learning. And reaching out to talk with people. I wrote about 23 Easy Ways to Remember to Pray on my research journey, because many of us want to pray, but don’t always take (or make) the time to pray. Or that time dedicated to prayer gently slides into the generic – without focus or depth. (Yes. I’m pointing at myself here.)
Maybe you need to pray more for your marriage? For your spouse? Prayer is an action that encourages…
As a Christ follower, is one of your desires to be more like Jesus?
Jesus took prayer seriously. He made time to talk with His Father. He even ditched his disciples and left the crowds behind to pray.
I’m guessing you’re like me – at least some of the time. We don’t always make time to pray – or have deep discussions with our Father as regularily as would be necessary. We fail.
Does failure prompt action in your life?
Maybe you wouldn’t use the term “fun” to describe prayer. (Or maybe you would?) But I’m pretty sure that failing to pray wouldn’t be on your “fun list”! How do you turn failure into fun?
I’m much more likely to take action on anything if I find ways to surround the activity with intruiging peripheral aspects. That’s where those 23 easy ways to remember to pray came from…
Do you think prayer is important?
Most of us would say that praying is important. And most of us, if asked, would say that we could pray more, and/or deeper…Especially for our loved ones – our husband, wife, children and family. Maybe you have a long list…
Here’s a fellow who knew prayer was important, but didn’t always take action. Then he turned his failure into fun. For himself and for others.
Turning failure into fun – using the Echo Prayer app
So – this app was on my list of 23 Easy Ways to Remember to Pray.
It’s become the most fun way I’ve morphed my failure to pray into feeling good about my prayer life. I’m using it to keep track of what I want to pray for and to set reminders to pray.
Since signing up for the app, I’ve receive 3 very useful emails to help me use the app more effectively. Here are some ideas from the emails:
You can also choose what prayers to pray for (by selecting individual prayers, or tags for groups), and you can set a prayer timer.
When you set the timer, it will cycle through your prayers automatically. You set how long you’d like to pray, and then Echo does the rest. This can be a great way to have a guided prayer time wherever you are, or it can be a helpful tool to give you the discipline to pray longer.
And the option for Hashtags to target your prayer time…
To tag a prayer, simply add a word or phrase with a pound sign in front of it (for example, #family or #communitygroup). You can add a tag anywhere in the prayer title or description.
You can add as many tags as you want to a prayer, and that prayer will be grouped by each of the tags you’ve created.
USING YOUR TAGS
Once you’ve tagged some prayers, you can use your tags in prayer mode, or when you create a new reminder. Try it out and see if it helps you organize your prayers and think of new ways to pray!
Fun, right?
I’m still learning and exploring this app. It’s much more fun than a piece of paper or a notebook… and I usually have my phone with me.
My purse doesn’t fit much more than my phone, cash and cards. But I can still be reminded to pray – and have my prayer list with me – if I have my phone!
(Yes. I have a very tiny purse. Servers at restaurants have remarked on its size and my women-friends laugh at me. Still – it’s easy to carry, and because we’re living in a little-house-on-wheels, with a minimalist mindset, I only have one purse. This is it!)
In case you’re wondering, I don’t get anything from highlighting this app – I’m just a fan and I wanted to share. 🙂
Sep 22, 2016
Love at First Fight. Yes. Fight. (Not Sight.) Fun word switch, huh?
Rob and I have been reading a newly released book by a husband and wife ministry team. Dena and Carey are married 20-some years. They’re parents of two boys. They entertain. They make people laugh. They’re Jesus-followers who write, sing, and do all the normal stuff that life and marriage entails. Sometimes they fight. In their latest project together, they’re talking about taking the gloves off…
Do you and your spouse fight?
Maybe, like us, you don’t call it “fighting”. Maybe you call it a discussion. A conversation. Or arguing. Or disagreeing.
Whatever words you use to describe what happens when the two of you have different opinions on a topic, the most important aspect is what comes after the fight…
What happens in your relationship after you fight? Are you able to…
- take a step back and cool off?
- laugh a bit – because the situation isn’t as important as you thought?
- discuss your different opinions on the issue?
If you need to increase your ability to do any of these three things, then this book might help.
He Said. She Said. There’s always two sides.
Rob and I come at the same situation from very different perspectives. Always. That’s normal, because we’re two different people. We’re unique. So are you and your spouse.
Do you take the time to explore both of your perspectives?
Dena and Carey Dyer are as unique as you and me, and our spouses… They have different perspectives about the same situations. In their book, “Love at First Fight“, they detail their different perspectives in a “he said” and “she said” format.
If you find it a challenge to listen… and really hear what your spouse is saying about a situation, then this book will be a great lesson in seeing two sides of the same event. Each of the 52 story-meditations have the format of both Carey and Dena’s perspectives.
What makes it great for us – the readers – is that it’s not our story! We have a third-party view into how two people see the same issue.
And each story is so well written. They’ll make you laugh, as they talk about culture shock when relocating as newlyweds, They’ll make you ponder as they talk about how a husband views the concept of “cherishing” his wife, and how she views the action. Humor is woven through the most concerning of topics, including sex in marriage, chronic illness, spiritual leadership, forgiveness, and more.
Each of the 52 story meditations are an easy, quick read. There’s no slogging through compicated words or concepts. The topics are about real life, with real life wording and phrases. Each topic is tied to a Biblical word, with a Scripture verse included, and a short prayer.
The topics covered are chronological according to the Dyer’s married life – topics we all encountered as newlyweds. (So the book is relevant for those married even a few months.) Then there are topics covered as the Dyers are married more years, exploring parenthood, and careers. This makes the book relevant for those married 10 or more years.
The Dyers are in their 40’s as they write this book. They’re married twenty-some years. Because Rob and I are now further down the road, and our kids are grown and we’ve been exploring the shock of grandparent-hood, the book finishes before they’ve discussed some of the issues we have been experiencing. That’s not bad. Just not as helpful for us.
However, there is more to each topic that we found valuable.
But wait, there’s more!
I’ve told you about the “he said” and “she said” portion of each story-meditation… there’s more. It pertains to the third aspect I said you could learn using this book. How to discuss an issue.
Questions to discuss an issue.
For each topic, after we’ve read Carey’s perspective, and Dena’s view, there’s a section called, “Taking off the gloves.”. These sections have three questions pertaining to each topic. As a whole, Rob and I really like the questions. They’re real. They’re relevant for anyone at any stage of marriage.
The questions have value for the future of your relationship, because they round out what you’ve been reading, and give you a chance to discuss important topics before they show up in crisis mode. As entertaining as the story-meditations are, I think the real value of this book is in the questions for you and your spouse. (Provided you discuss them.)
Each story-meditation ends with “Tips from the Pros”
To finish each of the 52 stories and questions, is a quote from different couples married for years. It’s a really nice way to end each topic.
Who should read this book?
It would be easy to say, “Every married person should read this book.” But I won’t say that. As I mentioned earlier, it isn’t a book that is as helpful for Rob and me as it would be for a couple married a few years. However, we found value in the questions… and we laughed. (We like to laugh.)
If you say “yes” to any of the statements below, then this book will be a valuable read for you and your spouse:
- Reading a book about marriage with my spouse feels daunting. (Either because neither of you like to read, or you’re concerned you’ll feel overwhelmed/judged/preached to… or you think it’ll be boring.) If you said “yes” to any part of this statement, this book might be a good one for you. It’s funny. You’ll laugh. There’s no preaching, but it is tied to Scripture. You can easily read one topic each week, and talk about one or more of the questions, and you’ll be done in less than an hour. One year later you’ll have enriched your marriage by reading a book together. Bada-boom bada-bing! Easy.
- Finding a way to start a conversation – a real, and deep conversation – is a challenge. Many couples go through stages where their talk is all “hallway” talk…. They talk about what’s for dinner, or what they’re doing on the weekend, but there’s no deeper heart-sharing conversation. That’s OK. Happens to all of us, at every stage. But if you want to deepen your conversations and talk about relevant things, then the topics and questions in this book will make an impact. You’ll grow in your ability to have a great conversation with your spouse.
- I want to fit my faith – my belief in Jesus and the Gospel – into my marriage. I want to live the Gospel with my spouse. Because each of the 52 story-based meditations has a Scriptural foundation (without being preachy), this book provides an easy way to consider how the Gospel can shape your marriage relationship.
Final thoughts about this book…
Though it’s not a deep or profound book, “Love at First Fight” is a real and relevant book. It’s funny. It’s easy to read. When you think of the cost – under $10 – I’d consider the pay-back, the growth of your marriage and the laughter the two of you could share, a small investment for a great dividend.
We received a free copy of this book to review. And…
The publisher has offered a copy for us to give away to a reader!
Would you like to win a copy of this book – “Love at First Fight”? Leave a comment – I’ll choose a random winner on October 1, 2016 from those who answer this question in the comments below::
“What’s the “word” you use when you and your spouse disagree? Do you call it a “fight”… or “argument”… or “bickering” or “spat” or “quarrel” or… 🙂
And WHY do you use that word?
This post contains affiliate links.
Sep 2, 2016
If you could say “thank you” to your spouse, what would that statement entail? Make your “thank you” be about the person she/he IS… not only for what they DO… Does the person you married – the one you love more than any other human on this earth – know how much you value him/her? And for what?
Let Me Count The Ways
There’s a poem by Elizabeth Barrett Browning detailing how she feels about her husband: “How do I Love Thee? Let Me Count the Ways”. (It’s a beautifully touching poem. If you haven’t read it— click the link — it’s only 14 lines.)
The above poem came to mind when I read the second prompt in the 30 Days of Gratitude Challenge: “The Loves of My Life: Why I want to thank them for being in my life?” For the month of September 2016 I’m refocusing on gratitude. On being thankful. These are excellent prompts for husbands and wives to ask each other…. (Learn more about the challenge here.)
Could you list all the ways – all the reasons – you’re thankful for your spouse?
Is your spouse especially patient? What about being resilient? Are you thankful your spouse is a wonderful parent? Or do you thank God for the way your spouse navigates every challenge? Again – it’s not about their actions.. but rather their character.
What are the positive character qualities you admire about your spouse?
Can you list them?.
Character. It’s all about the inside stuff.
Robert and I’ve been together since we were 15 and 17. Four years later we were married. I’ve known this man for 36 years – and he’s always been one of the greatest blessings in my life. (I thank God for him every day.) It’s not about what he does… it’s about who he is!
Here are some aspects of Robert’s character for which I’m thankful…
- He’s appreciative when anyone does something for him. I’m thankful he never takes anything for granted.
- He’s ambitious – he looks at the big picture. I’m thankful he embraces a challenge.
- He’s organized. His ability to be neat is one of the reasons we can live well in 282 square feet.
- He’s forgiving. I’m so thankful he can let hurts go… and move forward.
- He’s dedicated. I’m thankful for his constant perseverance regardless of obstacles.
- He’s kind and gentle. I’m thankful he guards my heart, my hurts, and our love.
- He’s loyal. In our 36 years together I’ve been so thankful I can trust in his loyalty to me.
- He’s responsible. (Oh, my. It’s good that one of us is!) I’m thankful he always does what he says he will.
- He has a servant-heart – focused on serving God. I’m so thankful my spouse and I can serve together.
- He is strong. Strength isn’t just physical (although it’s really nice that he is that too!) I’m thankful that he’s strong in his ability to stand up for what’s right. I’m thankful he’s strong-minded (never wishy-washy). I’m thankful he uses his strength of character to protect those who are less strong.
- and so many more qualities… I could have easily kept going!
I have to tell you that I took the easy way when making this list. A while ago I made a resource – 276+ Character Qualities – and I looked at those words as I wrote the list above.
Would you like this resource to create your own list?
Make it a priority to say “thank you” to your spouse!
Don’t wait. Don’t procrastinate!
Sometimes we don’t know where to start to say “thank you”… so we don’t begin. This resource will help you start.
The #30bbdaysofgratitude by Aurélie has 30 prompts with questions for each day in September.
Today’s prompt and question is: The Loves of My Life: Why I want to thank them for being in my life?
Though I’m adapting the prompts and questions for husbands and wives here on EncourageYourSpouse.com, I thought I’d also give you all a glimpse into the other “Loves of My Life” – my three children and why I’m thankful they’re in my life…
So – I gave birth to the two on the left of the picture – Alex and Sarah – and then Alisane became our daughter-in-love in 2010. I’m beyond thankful to have these three adults in my life – I admire them greatly. Here’s a small taste of what I’m thankful for…
- All three of them are using the gifts God gave them to make a difference in the world.
- All three of them actively serve the Lord. They value their faith.
- All three of them are loving and kind.
- They’re encouraging and supportive.
- They’re generous with their time and energy.
- and so much more.
My three children are a beautiful gift from God. I give thanks for them daily.
And then…
There’s this little guy. Our grandboy. Theo.
He’s 8 months old and what is keeping us tethered to North Carolina… but we’re very thankful for him. I “grandparent” him two days a week, so we’re getting to really know each other well. He’s exploring his world. And learning how to get his own way. I’m thankful to hold him as he sleeps, to sing songs to him, to read books and say silly nursery rhymes with funny voices. Yes. I’m thankful to watch him grow from an infant into this engaging and willful and loving and laughing little human.
Sep 1, 2016
Refocus on Gratitude. Being Thankful.
A happy marriage doesn’t just “show up”! Sometimes you need to refocus. Change your focus – to the small things… or those larger things. Being thankful is a good action to take. And it works best if both of you are refocusing. So….
30 days to Refocus on Gratitude
I found a group of ladies doing a challenge that caught my attention – they’re bloggers, and I’m guessing most of them are much younger than Rob and me. The blogger who has crafted this challenge is Aurélie @BumpandBlush – she’s a mum of one, with a little one on the way. Some are putting photos on Instagram with the hashtag #30bbdaysofgratitude — others are writing posts. I’m looking forward to reading their responses to this challenge.
The challenge is a bit more than Gratitude.
The challenge to refocus on gratitude is a curated challenge with wonderful prompts. I especially like her questions which accompany the prompts!
These questions seemed like a perfect fit to encourage your spouse… Imagine the two of you asking each other…
- My House : Why I feel good at home?
- The Loves of My Life : Why I want to thank them for being in my life?
- My Projects/Work : What do I love about my projects / work?
- My Friends : Who have always been there for me?
- My Family : Why are they so precious? Why am I so thankful?
- My Inspirations : Who inspires me and Why do I want to thank them?
- My Funny Moments: What are they and why I am thankful for them?
- Technology : What are the gadgets that surround me and how do they help me?
- My Books : What are the books that had a great influence on me and why?
- Nature : What I love about the outdoors?
- Knowledge: What have I learnt and how did it change your life?
- My Routine : What do I like in my routine? In what way does it contribute to my happiness?
- The Gift : A gift that you cherished and why?
- My Dreams : Why are my dreams so important and What are they?
- The Trip : What is your most memorable trip and why?
- The Song: What song inspires you and why?
- Childhood : What I love the most about my childhood and how it made me the person I am today?
- Food: What food makes you feel good and why?
- Hobby: What is my hobby and why I enjoy doing it?
- Emotions : What brings you joy?
- Era: What are you grateful about living in this time and age?
- Challenge: What is your greatest challenge in life and how you plan to overcome it?
- Greatest Accomplishments : What is your greatest accomplishment and how did it make you feel to succeed?
- Seasons: What season are you grateful for and why?
- The Memories: What is your favourite memory and why are you grateful about it?
- My Hidden Talent: What is my hidden talent and what do you use it for?
- My Past: What aspects of the past can you now be grateful about?
- Life Lessons: Why are they necessary and What are the good lessons I have learned?
- My Body : What are the reasons I want to say thank you to my body and why do I accept it the way it is?
- The Gratitude Challenge: Why am I grateful for this challenge?
The goal is to appreciate all of life’s little blessings… 30 days to feel happy!
Day 1 – Our Home
Why I feel good at home?
Some of you might realize that we don’t live in a traditional stick and brick home… we live in a recreational vehicle – a RV – a fifth wheel trailer towed by our Ford F150 pickup truck. (I believe those in the UK and Australia call them caravans?)
It’s a pretty big change from our first 30 years of marriage. We’ve lived in 4 houses – two in Canada and two in the USA. We collected a lot of stuff in 30 years… and it was a challenge to downsize… But this time in a RV is a dream realized!
After 30 years of marriage we sold our house and moved into an RV – it was a dream that became reality. So, why do we feel good at home, in our little-house-on-wheels, right now?
- We’re thankful we can travel easily, and as Discovery is one of our values, that’s good!
- We’re thankful it takes 10 minutes (at most) to clean. It gives us more time to enjoy each other!
- We’re thankful all we need is with us – in 282 square feet – we’re living a minimalst lifestyle.
Part of the task to refocus on gratitude is to look at exactly where you are in this moment. Sometimes it’s easier to look backward. Or forward. But today, for this first challenge consider this moment, exactly where you are and look at the positives. Be thankful.
Take this moment – and ask yourself – ask your spouse:
Why do we feel good at home?
Leave a comment and share! 🙂
Aug 10, 2016
Enrich your Marriage AND Encourage Others – Are you making the most out of your relationship? Or are you just coasting along, making life work for you?
Is your marriage “Just fine.”?
You’ve been married for a while, right? Maybe a few years… maybe a few decades. And you like spending time with each other… dating your spouse is fine.
You’ve done the dinner at a restaurant more than once. (Probably more than 100 times if you’ve been married a few decades.) You’ve gone out to see a movie. You might even do fun things together like go to car shows, go antiquing or thrifting, play golf or tennis, tour on your motorcycles, or sail your boat, train for marathons or hike local trails.
You enjoy your time together – it’s all fine.
So now what? What happens for the next few decades… more of the same?
You have a unique opportunity to use your relationship as husband and wife as a powerhouse for good.
A powerhouse for good. What does that mean?
It means that you leverage your “just fine” marriage relationship… it means that you kick your “just fine” marriage relationship up a notch… it means that you invest in yourselves and others to lead a life that’s filled with meaning!
But you still have kids at home – what about them?
Let them see you doing good while strengthening your relationship, and it’ll inspire them.
You’ve heard the saying, “The best gift you can give your children is loving your spouse.” Right?
Go one further – continue to love your spouse, but do good together!
Now wouldn’t that be a valuable action? – for you and your spouse – for your kids, family, friends and your community?
12 Dates – Encourage Others – Enrich Your Marriage
Here’s a list of 12 dates – ideas for you and your spouse to enrich your own marriage AND encourage others. Choose one a month for the next year. Put them on your calendar. Make it real.
***This is a really long post – so I thought I’d make it easier for you to put the ideas into action with a free workbook which includes all the ideas in this post, space to fill in your ideas and lists, and more!***
Create a “Take It Easy” basket for a friend.
Enrich Your Marriage: Discuss the idea of relaxation with your spouse. Make a list of all the things that she/he (you 
both) find relaxing. Be specific. You might discover something you didn’t realize about your spouse. Over the time we’re together we continue to change as people. What we found exciting in our 20’s we might not find great today… couldn’t that be true about relaxation also? Items to consider would be music, chocolate, warm socks, DVD, etc – think of the 5 senses.
Encourage Others: Agree to a budget. Purchase some items from your list and put them into the basket. Drop it off at your friend’s place. Sharing what you love is a sign of care. Though you can’t know exactly what will bring joy to this person, your care will shine through.
Flowers for Caregivers
Enrich Your Marriage: Talk about your experiences with those who are elderly. Are your grandparents still alive? 
Parents? What are some of the upsides and downsides of growing older? Do you have some fears? Do you share the same fears? Are they different? Why? This might not be an easy conversation, but it’s important. No matter how old you are now – you’re growing older. You’ve vowed to live your life with your spouse. Understanding how she/he feels about time/bodies/lives changing is valuable.
Encourage Others: Pick up 2 bunches of flowers and visit the closest nursing home. Give one bunch to the caregivers – theirs is often a thankless job. And give the other bunch to the first elder person who smiles at you. (I know, if you could, you’d give every person a bunch of flowers, but you can’t. Think of it differently – do for one, what you’d like to do for everyone.)
Treats to Connect
Enrich Your Marriage: What treats do you remember from when you were growing up?
Wagon Wheels (Maybe that’s just in Canada?) Candy cigarettes? Shoe-string licorice? Reminisce for a bit as husband and wife. Sometimes we lose track of the fun stuff from our childhood within the seriousness of life. That child – or parts of that child – is still alive in you and your spouse. The memories will make you smile. Smiling together is precious.
Encourage Others: Buy a bulk bag of candy/chocolate bars – make up little packages and give them to the kids in your church’s Sunday school.
Wisdom of Words
Enrich Your Marriage: What books have you both read that you both enjoyed? 
Maybe it was a huge, thousand-page tome… Maybe it was a Reader’s Digest magazine or a Peanuts Cartoon book? It doesn’t matter the seriousness or fun of the material. Just explore a bit. Why did you like the reading material? Is it the same reason your spouse liked it? If you’ve never read the same stuff, why not? Yes. Why not try it! 🙂
Encourage Others: Go to a bookstore – or look online – and buy an extra copy of your favorite book. (Or a book you believe would be your favorite once you’ve both read it.) Give it to another couple to enjoy.
Laughter IS Medicine
Enrich Your Marriage: Science tells us that laughing will make us healthier. (This study. And these too.) Do you laugh with your spouse? What makes you both laugh? Sitcoms? Jokes? Slapstick? S
pend an evening on Youtube, just laughing at all the comedians. Decide what kind of humor suits you both. (if you don’t already know.) In addition, try new kinds of humor. Dry British comedy. Or comedic shenanigans that make 3-year olds laugh. I wish you an evening that makes your belly muscles hurt! 🙂
Encourage Others: Make list of knock-knock jokes – keep ‘em clean! – and phone a friend to tell them the jokes. Take turns. You’ll all end up laughing! And become healthier!
Comfort and Joy in Scripture
Enrich Your Marriage: Do you know your spouse’s favorite Bible verses? Do you know the stories behind those verses – why they are important to your spouse? 
Sit together and gather a list of your favorite Scripture verses. Maybe 8 or 10.
Encourage Others: You can either write each verse – individually – on card-stock squares, or use your computer skills to create an attractively spaced document to cut apart into squares. Put the finished product into an envelope and mail them – anonymously – to someone who is going through a hard time. Add a note to tell them they’re not alone.
Shared Sweetness
Enrich Your Marriage: I’m guessing that not many couples bake together.
Are you one of the few? If so, great stuff! Try a new cookie recipe and indulge your gifts in the kitchen. If you’re not used to baking together, there’s a unique togetherness that comes from co-operating to make an end product. I can’t explain it – you’ll just have to try it.
And if you really don’t want to follow a recipe, then buy some refigerated dough and co-operate in putting it onto the cookie sheets. Then decorate. Then eat a few cookies. 🙂
Encourage Others: Take your batch of cookies and drop them off at your local fire station. The fire-fighters will work off the extra calories quickly. 😉
Gumball Rally
Enrich Your Marriage: This is an activity to bring out the kid in the two of you. 
You’re not as old as you might feel… Remember those gumball machines (or candy dispensers) in the grocery store? Map out a plan to drive past all the grocery stores/malls in your area. Then spend an evening/afternoon in the car together with a fun mission.
Encourage Others: Tour around the local shopping plaza, grocery stores etc. where you’d find gumball machines… and leave quarters in the slots to surprise the next kid (person). Be stealthy. Don’t give your mission away… 😉
Gift of Music
Enrich Your Marriage: Music is a universal language – it transcends the spoken word. Dissonance and harmony – they’re themes in relationships too. Pull out all your CDs – I’m guessing you might have a few CDs hidden away – not all of your music will be MP3s if you’ve been married a few years. 
Walk through the CDs as a history of your likes and dislikes… do you like music your spouse doesn’t? Why? Are there albums you loved at a certain time – why? Do you now hate certain songs that you loved once-upon-a-time? Now sort the CDs into piles – must keep and give away. I’m imagining there are going to be some “ah-hah!” moments – some surprises at what your spouse values and why…
Encourage Others: Once you’ve organized and the CDs into piles, gift those you no longer love to a nursing home. Or the Library. Or a hospital ward. You’re sharing something you onced loved enough to spend money on… let someone else have the gift of that music to enhance their life.
Comfort and Affirmation
Enrich Your Marriage: Not everyone’s love language is words of affirmation, yet a few words or phrases spoken for comfort and affirmation won’t hurt anyone. Imagine the concept of a huge tank (like a water tank) that’s called a “love tank”… it can be filled up in many ways: words of affirmation, actions serving one another, physical demonstrations like hugs and loving touches, little gifts, and time spent doing something together. It’s good to know what your spouse’s primary love language is (one of the five), but filling the tank can include all of the love languages. 
This enrichment activity will key you both into which words resonate with your spouse. Go to a card shop. Pick out cards which appeal to you, and taking turns, read them to your spouse. First you read a card you’ve chosen as special. Read it. Watch your spouse’s reaction. Does the words/sentiment you’ve chosen resonate with your spouse? Yes? Why? Is it what you expected? No? Why not? You’ll learn a lot about your spouse in this activity to enrich your marriage.
Encourage Others: Choose 3 friends who are facing some difficulties. Or friends you know could use some encouragement or affirmation. Find cards at the card shop which you both feel would resonate with those friends. Buy them. Send those cards. A physical card is impactful. You have the choice of signing your names – or not…
Encourage-mint
Enrich Your Marriage: Which leaders in your life – teachers, ministers, coaches, etc. – made a significant impact in your life? Each of you make a list of these signficant leaders. Show each other the list. 
Does your spouse know about all these people? I’m guessing there are going to be a few surprises. And if your spouse can recognize the name, does she/he really understand the details of this leader’s significance to you? Spend some time telling stories about those people – share with your spouse how these people have made you the person you are today.
Encourage Others: Some of those leaders on your lists won’t be available today – so you’re going to do this as silent tribute. Buy a bag full of mints. Or maybe two kinds of mints. Put them into a jar and label the jar with: “Thank you for your involve-mint, commit-mint, and encourage-mint.” Take the jar to your local school (or church, or volunteer organization, etc.) and leave it in the office for the teachers. They don’t need to to know you. You don’t need to know them. This action is about reaching out to affirm these leaders as they make a difference in other lives.
Compassion in Action
Enrich Your Marriage: Are you past the stage of little ones in your home? I’m guessing some of you are. Maybe your kids are teens. Maybe they’re grown. Maybe you don’t have kids.
This activity is to take action in a way that will positively impact another couple, while empathizing with the stage they’re in.
Do you know of a couple with young children? (I’m talking under 5 years of age.) You could know them as neighbors. You could know them from your church. You could come in contact with them through a school, a sports connection, a hobby, or event. That young couple could be your grown kids. Or friends of your grown children. Narrow your thoughts to one particular couple.
Think of this couple. What do you know about them? How are they similar or different from the two of you? Can you relate with the stage they’re in? At all? Chances are life is filled with new expereinces – and not all of them are fun. Chances are they’re not overflowing with extra cash – it could be that paying their bills every month is a challenge. Chances are they have a small circle of family support (parents/grandparents/aunts/uncles) who live close by. And even if they live close, they’re not always physically or emotionally present in their lives.
Enriching a marriage when raising young children is difficult. (I think you might remember?) This is the point in time where many marriages go off the rail – and never recover. Two people who love each other lose their connection. It takes time and effort to continue to grow through the “young children” stage. Can you relate? What do you remember about this time in your life?
Reminisce a bit. Pull out the photos, if it’s hard to envision – or it’s been too long. You’ve already walked this path. You’re veterans. You know the pitfalls and the joys. How are you leveraging what you’ve already learned? What would you do the same… what would you do differently? (We all can make a list on this topic.)
Reach out to encourage: This is not a quick action. Make a plan to get to know this younger couple. Be deliberate. Talk to them in passing. Ask about their children. Ask about their work, their life ambitions, or their hobbies. Let them get to know you.
Give it time for them to know and then like you. Time for them to trust you. Yes, it’ll take time to build a healthy relationship.
It’s not about giving advice – just being kind. It’s not about giving instruction – but being a listening ear. It’s about a friendly smile, an extra helping hand, or a word of affirmation, when life is tough. Wait for the time it’s appropriate to offer to provide childcare for an evening, so the younger couple can go out on a date. (They’ll need to really like and trust you first – this won’t be appropriate immediately.) Maybe, if you have the funds, it might be possible to provide a gift card to a restaurant.
How can you bless another couple? How can you leverage your marriage to become more and add value to another couple?
A Year Endeavor to Enrich Your Marriage & Add Value
You could do these actions over a year – one a month. Some are just for fun. Some have little cost involved – others can be as extravagant as you’d choose. Some are a deeper, more time consuming activity.
Go ahead – download the workbook! It has space for you to write your own thoughts – make notes – and I’ve done some of the work for you (like including a few “knock-knock” jokes, and a page of Scripture notes.) It’s free!
-01.png)
