your spouse, your children, your parents, your beloved friends and family?
We’re not talking about duties like chauffering the kids to a game or a lesson… or attending the “usual” Sunday-after-church-dinner at your parent’s house. Sure, you might be looking forward to the Super-bowl party on Sunday (so are we), but that event won’t provide a time to open your heart, and listen without an agenda.
We’re busy.
But busyness is not providing opportunities to become closer to each other.
If asked, or if loved one comes with a problem or concern,
we might throw out a few words of advice…
Advice = head (not heart)
Do you really want to help?
Do you really want
this hurt, this concern, this dilemna, this fear, this soul-crushing weight
to be lifted from the person you love?
Really?
Do your actions truly demonstrate you want your spouse, children or beloved family and friends to feel heard, understood and encouraged?
It might feel odd – or awkward to open your heart.
Maybe listening without an agenda isn’t something you’ve done very often.
Would it feel odd to simply listen – without interjecting or contributing – when your spouse speaks?
Might you feel as though you’re not doing your “job” if you aren’t providing a solution, or an opinion?
Perhaps you could try something new?
Your challenge this weekend:
Arrange a time to be alone together.
(Somewhere without a television and leave your phones elsewhere.)
Hold your spouse’s hand.
Listen to her/him without an agenda,
with full attention, and no words.
Open your heart to understand.
Don’t know where to start a deeper conversation? If you’re at a loss, try concepts from reading these posts from Christian Marriage Bloggers:
Encourage your spouse to stop worrying – and encourage the other members of your family (including yourself) to also let go of anxiety and worry.
Why?
Well, we don’t want to be like the elderly man on his death-bed who couldn’t stop talking about all the troubles in his life… few of which actually happened.
Worry – or anxiety – contributes to many health challenges. It impacts physical, mental and spiritual health. However, most things we worry about are irrelevant. Here are some statistics on worry from a 2006 study by Dr. Walter Calvert:
30% of our worries are about events in the past
40% of the things we worry about never happen
12% of our worries are unfounded health concerns
10% of our worries are over minor and trivial issues
Only 8% of our worries are real, legitimate issues
As convicting as these numbers are (92% of items we worry about aren’t worth our time to worry over) worrying and anxiety is a big topic. There are 206,743 items under the tag “worry” if you look on Amazon.
One blog post isn’t going to solve a life-long habit.** Nor will it address the serious medical disorder of anxiety.
Even so – consider this:
Worry weighs a person down; an encouraging word cheers a person up.
An encouraging word will cheer someone… but what IS an encouraging word? And as wonderful as an encouraging word might be, maybe talking isn’t going to make a difference in every instance.
It’s good that encouragement is much more than words. Be compassionate as you encourage…
Learning more about the ingredients of encouragement could add some ammunition to your arsenal against the debilitating condition of worry. Regardless if what you’re both worried about is part of the 8% of legitimate worries, or not, we still need to address the issue(s).
Here’s how to begin through the 5 ingredients of encouragement:
1. Use HOPE to encourage your spouse to stop worrying:
Often worry leads us down the road imagining all the negatives. We worry about things that might happen or could happen. Rarely can the focus be on a positive outcome to a situation if you’re busy worrying. This iswhere making a list will be useful. *Go through this process with your spouse on paper:
What is the problem?
What is the cause of the problem?
What are all the possible solutions? (really delve deep – be thorough)
What is the best solution to the problem?
Once you’ve decided on the best solution to what you and/or your spouse are worrying about, then it’s time to talk about how the outcome to the solution will feel.
Deciding on the best solution will create a sense of hope and inspire you both to stop worrying.
*This, and many other insights on how to deal with worry are found in this older book by Dale Carnegie: How to Stop Worrying and Start Living You won’t find any new or radical ideas here – it’s mostly common sense. (When you’re both overcome with worry, common-sense might be hard to find.)
2. Your FAITH in God will remind you of His past care in your life.
Turn over that page where you’ve written down the best solution to the problem, (or start another page) and make a second list.
This time it’s a list of all the times God has helped you in the past. Your God is faithful. He is always with you. He has always been with you. Remind your spouse (and yourself).
Delve a bit into Scripture to remind yourself of all His promises and deepen your faith.
(see below to download a pdf of this photo)
Listen to and sing praise and worship songs to build your FAITH in God…
3. LOVE your spouse – without condition or prerequisite.
Love makes a difference in every situation in marriage.
YOU are the other part of this relationship. If the encouragement of love doesn’t come from you… then from where is it supposed to come? Sometimes worry and anxiety have their roots in fear, so remind your spouse how much you love her/him… and how much GOD loves…
…nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—…
4. To encourage your spouse to stop worrying, PRAY with and for him/her.
Prayer changes things. Robert and I cannot stress enough the power of prayer in and for every situation. If you’re hesitant to pray, then begin small. Take a look at this post and this one on prayer. Reach out to ask someone to pray with you. In prayer you’re seeking help from the Creator of all things, and the One who knows every hair on your heads. Prayer makes a difference.
5. Take ACTION to encourage your spouse to stop worrying.
Here’s where the rubber-meets-the-road: in supportive action. Make a difference by:
seeking wise counsel: be supportive by talking with an expert on the topics you and your spouse are worrying about. Sometimes an expert will have new insights you and your spouse can’t imagine right now.
reading on the topic of worry: be supportive by reading this book – or this one – or ask for recommendations at the library to learn more about how to overcome worry.
**speaking to a trained counselor: if worry and anxiety have overtaken your life as husband and wife, then be supportive by going with your spouse to a trained counselor. Keep looking until you find one you both can trust. Ask for recommendations of trained therapists from those you respect. If your spouse is hesitant, then pave the way by going to speak with a therapist yourself.
Your action will encourage your spouse. Start. Begin.
Want to do something to bring a spark of JOY into your life together? Try #93toJOY1
Encourage your spouse to stop worrying through the power of HOPE, FAITH, LOVE, PRAYER, and supportive ACTION. Your entire family will benefit if you and your spouse learn proactive ways to deal with worry.
** There are times when worry and anxiety are so great that nothing you can do will change your spouse’s heart/mind. Seek professional help immediately.
If you’d like to download a PDF to print the Scriptures — click here!
Unique. That’s a word which describes all of us, right? Your husband is unique. Your wife is unique. Each of your children and grandchildren are unique also, I’m sure! Nobody is the same – not even twins.
So what works to encourage one person may not work for another. I’m guessing what encourages your spouse may not encourage you. (That’s true for Robert and me too!)
What one couple determines as a meaning filled life, won’t be the same as another couple. If you dig deeply, every couple will have unique goals for their life, even if on the outside it might look the same. We’re all uncommon in comparison to the other.
There’s nothing common about any of us.
With Christmas around the corner, I am searching for unique gifts for the special people in my life. I start with Rob, of course. And because we’re living a very minimalistic life in our little house-on-wheels, whenever something comes into the space, another item needs to leave.
So whatever we gift each other needs to have both form and function – and, of course, it needs to fit our lifestyle on-the-road! (Even though we’re pretty tethered to North Carolina because of the grandboy…)
I needed to find unique gifts which would have meaning for the two of us – be resilient for travel – and meet both form and function. Guess what? Something caught my eye on this Twitter post from Lindsay Rutland
Do you see it? The cheese platter in the shape of the USA? I went over to UncommonGoods.com and found it listed on their unique gifts for Christmas list. Yup. It’s unique. Just like Rob and me. It fits our lifestyle, because cheese and nibbles are a favorite lunch, and the form – it’s a piece of slate you can write on – is so cool! I ordered one. (I have to admit, that I have another couple in mind that I think this would fit as a gift also.)
Then I had a lovely adventure!
I did a bit of digging to find out more about UncommonGoods. I always do that. It’s part of our Value of Discovery – maybe you’re also insatiably curious like I am? Here are a few facts about this unique company:
As an independently-owned business, they have the freedom to support causes which impact the world in a positive way. With every purchase we make, they donate $1. If you’re interested in the non-profits they support, take a look at the list at Better to Give. As you might imagine, the literacy non-profit was my choice!
The company began when the founder visited a Smithsonian Museum craft show and was captivated by the variety of unique handmade goods and the talented people behind them. That’s where the vision began… I can SO relate. The idea just caught my imagination! Read more about their story – they’ve had some bumps along the way like every entrepreneurial venture. I wonder if he’s married? Did his spouse encourage his vision? Hmmm. More research, huh?
I was smitten and reached out to connect! 🙂 You understand, don’t you? When you find a new source that you feel an affinity for, you just want to share… right? The folks at UncommonGoods responded. They so kindly and generously gifted me a few more items on thespecially curated gift lists for men and Christmas items for women. They sent me a big box and it was just like… Christmas! 😉 (And my original purchased slate cheese board arrived the same day.)
Uncommon Gifts for Unique People
Who is on your list to give gifts to? My list includes our adult children, and grandboy – and finding special things for them meets my heart’s desire.
Want to see which items I chose to review (with my children and husbands and wives in mind)? It’s OK to tell our daughter, ’cause I roped her in to take some photos. She has a photography site – but it’s for people, not products. Don’t mention anything to our son and daughter-in-love though… OK? 😉
Slate State Boards
These are the State slate cheese boards that first caught my eye – you can order them in the shape of any US State, or of the entire USA. Can you identify the State shape of the top board?
They’re uniquely crafted by Steven Chavez and Justin English from Colorado.
Which States do you and your spouse have special memories from? Were your children born in different States? What about trips… Serve some goodies on your next date night, and talk about those memories.
These chalkboard placemats caught my attention, because you could write all kinds of interesting notes or questions. Of course, there’s the obvious if you’re having a dinner party and want to display different buffet items with their ingredients – but what about with your spouse or children?
In one of the reviews of this item a lady said, “I love these placemats! What a fun way to write a daily personal message to each member in my family. My kids are seniors in high school. My only regret is that I didn’t discover these darling placemats when my kids were 3!!!!!!”
One caveat: Be sure to use regular chalk to write your notes on these placemats – we tried using the soapstone “chalk” meant for the slate cheese boards and it didn’t work so well. My mistake.
This card game made our daughter’s eyes light up! She always has her phone in her hands – so I thought… why not make it a positive! She and her friends are going to have a blast with this “Game of Phones”. It has players using their smart phones to take photos, find stuff on Pinterest, send texts, etc.
Do you and your spouse keep your smartphones in your hand? Maybe this game will make them into a positive experience on a date night! There are other unique games available that I’ve never seen before – like “Rememory” and “Music IQ” for music lovers and more. Lots of ideas for unique date-nights in 2017!
Can you see the sword campfire roaster? (Yeah – it’s resting on our son’s backyard firepit, with his dog investigating what I’m doing. This item came separately from the others in a long box. (Although the handle does detach.)
Zacharay Neff from Utah makes these (there are two to choose from – a marshmallow sword and a hotdog roaster). He makes these cool items in his family’s metal shop!
Of course, these blocks are for the grandboy. We’re teaching him American Sign Language, so these will support his learning.
Maybe these blocks won’t be for Christmas… our grandboy, Theo is turning ONE in just 10 days…
But think about this language… Imagine if you and your spouse could use ASL to sign to each other… what would you say? From across the room you could tell your spouse you love him/her! You could make eye contact in a crowded room and have a private conversation… Can you sign?
So many unique gift options for your spouse…
The website, UncommonGoods.com is like a treasure chest of uniquely perfect gifts for everybody on your list. Check it out!
As husbands and wives, as parents, as leaders in our communities, we need to model this encouragement principle.
Often.
A drop of encouragement during a time of trial is worth more than a bucket of praise after success.
How do you DO encouragement?
There are five key ingredients to actively encouraging others…
Take a look at our post on LeadLikeJesus.com to learn how to use these 5 ingredients in your leadership – as a spouse, as a parent and in the community…
Lead Like Jesus is a global leadership development organization that helps individuals and organizations lead more effectively by following the model of Jesus.
Framework. We believe skills and knowledge can’t replace character and integrity. Leading like Jesus involves the alignment of our Heart, Head, Hands and Habits.
Definition. We believe leadership happens anytime we influence the thinking, behavior or development of another. If you have influence, you are a leader.
Model. We believe Jesus is the greatest leadership role model of all time. So our leadership philosophy is simple: Follow the Leader.
If you’re interested in learning more, reach out to Robert via email…
– Robert.Lori@LeadershipCouples.com
The Lead Like Jesus program originated from an endeavor with Ken Blanchard (1-Minute Manager author) and Phil Hodges. They’ve revisited their program and updated the original book, along with the President of LLJ, Phyllis Hendry.
Fall porch decorations don’t need to be elaborate. We’re in an RV and need to make things easy, simple and cheap – especially outdoors. I imagine some of you might relate?
To inspire myself, I did a little research and found some ideas on Pinterest. The criteria? The ideas needed to be easy, simple and cheap but still have whimsy and fun. I want Rob to smile (and feel comfortable about the investment too. 😉 )
Easy, Simple and Cheap Fall Porch Decorations
Is it all about pumpkins? When I went searching it was the pumpkins that popped out at me! Wood, metal, fabric and real ones… lots to try. Enjoy!
Maybe make it a date night – make and decorate together!
What do you usually do with your fall porch decorations?
I haven’t done anything for fall porch decorations in the last years since we’ve been in the RV – but I have this desire to begin. When we were in a brick-and-stick house I’d put out a few pumpkins and some flowers just to be friendly. 🙂 Maybe that’s why all the pumpkin decorations hit me? What’s your favorite item for fall? As I was searching I came across:
pillows on rocking chairs with a fall motif
all kinds of wreaths with every texture imaginable
leaves, leaves and more leaves – paper, plastic, real and fabric
dried corn in varying hues
farm implements: shovels, hay rakes, etc.
straw bales – large and small
baskets and bins
there were a lot of weathered metal items made into signs
corn stalks
What would you put out for your fall porch decorations? What would you never, ever use?
Leave a comment!
(here’s one more decoration that I liked – it was unique)
Why?
*This, and many other insights on how to deal with worry are found in this older book by Dale Carnegie: 
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