Two Into One – You’re Not Alone

Two Into One – You’re Not Alone

Two into One – two people, two unique individuals with all their foibles, into one marriage. A joining of two people into one marriage for the rest of their life

Does this two into one until you die sound daunting? (Don’t worry – when I put it like that, it sounds scary to me too!) It doesn’t need to be scary or daunting.

“I’ve never considered divorce. Murder, yes, but not divorce.” ~ Ruth Bell Graham

Two into One - Ive never considered divorce -Murder yes but not divorce

Ruth and Billy Graham

Now there’s a couple who led an interesting life… One led a life in front of the masses, and the other had a peripheral presence. (Not less. Just more quiet.) They were two people into one, even though great stretches of their life was spent apart. They definitely exemplified the Value of ZEAL. — (Robert and I visited Billy Graham’s Library near Charlotte, North Carolina a few years ago.You can read about our experience here.)

What does Two into One mean?

What I’m describing comes from the Bible – Jesus is answering a question from the Pharasees about divorce. Jesus responded with this statement:

But from the beginning of creation, God made them male and female. For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother, and the two shall become one flesh; so they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.  ~ Mark 10:6-9

I recommend you read the first part of Chapter 10, in the Gospel of Mark and Ephesians 5 to explore this concept. I’m not a Biblical scholar, so if you have questions, I’d suggest opening a conversation with your local church pastor and discussing the concept with your spouse. It’ll be an interesting conversation.

For this concept let’s just focus on one phrase:

No longer two, but one flesh.

You two people – joined as husband and wife, encouraging each other, so your life together will make a difference in this world…  what would this look like?

The two of you are honoring your vow. This is huge. It carries much more importance than you’d believe… You two stood before God and a group of people and made a promise to live life as a couple. Married. Two into one. And… You. Are. Living It. You’re bringing honor to the role of husband and wife. You’re demonstrating the Value of Loyalty. Your union isn’t just about your wedding “day” – rather, it’s about your life together! Your children, your family, your  neighborhood, and communities can look at the two of you, living your vow, and can be inspired. Please. Don’t underestimate the importance and weight of living your vow!  A vow has united two into one.

The two of you have developed your own – shared – outlook and opinion on topics which impact your own family and life. It probably won’t be easy. Or simple. It might go against your parent’s views – but the two of you have the courage to bond as a couple, leaving the households which raised you. It might not be popular. This journey of developing your shared outlook and opinions might take your entire life, and be an ever-changing task. Regardless. Even the journey to develop a shared vision is uniting two into one. Those opinions and outlook have united two into one.

The two of you are working on shared goals. One might be out front – the other quieter – but you’re working on something greater than the sum of two of you separately. You have a shared passion – the zeal to make a difference. Robert and I have been inspired by couples united in a desire to find a cure for juvenile diabetes. We’ve seen countless couples in business together. working to make a difference not only in their own lives, but in the lives of their employees and the community also. (I just went to a blogging conference, and there were at least three couples working together on a blog the wife began, and now the husband has quit his “job”, and they’re working together, because the online income is supporting the whole family.)The goal is not the point – the united two into one makes the difference. Yes.  A goal has united two into one.

Two into One  – You’re not alone!

two into one - you are not aloneIs this – two into one – going to be difficult? Maybe. But you’re not alone…

You’re not the first couple to do this. In fact, you’re probably surrounded by more couples living this “two into one” journey than you notice. Some are doing it well. Find them. Identify them and spend time with them.

And in the meantime, read about them! Here is a list of couples who write about this kind of “two into one” relationship – they’re all about uplifting marriage. (One might be the touch point, and the other silently supports.) These writers are living life – together. They understand the real issues. They understand the real barriers. They understand the real joys and successes.

But most of all, you’re not alone because there’s someOne else who wants to support you two in your love… your loving Heavenly Father. God.  His Son, Jesus. You are not alone in your journey to become two into one.

Honor your role as husband and wife.

Bring honor to the titles “husband” and “wife”.

If it’s been hard these last few days, months or years… begin now. How you live – honoring your vow, sharing an outlook, and pursing goals – makes a difference for your kids, for your families, and community.

Oh, please – don’t give up. Don’t give in. Don’t just walk through life day-after-day…  There is more to your marriage than you’ve ever imagined!

Start now. Don’t procrastinate.

Your great marriage can have a positive impact on everyone!

Zeal for Something Greater Than You

Zeal for Something Greater Than You

Zeal – excessive fervor; strong eagerness; and readiness.  It’s kind of an old-fashioned (maybe even Biblical) word.

Maybe today we’d refer to this Value word as “filled with passion”.

Consider the many men and women celebrated for accomplishing something great, for being willing to stand up against the crowd, for fighting for what they believed. They generally ran the edge of being fanatical – but there’s no doubt that they had a great deal of zeal – or passion – for their cause.

In many instances, those individuals are only acknowledged and honored posthumously.

People filled with Passion… or Zeal

History tells stories of many individuals – and couples – who are now honored for what they accomplished and the difference they made and continues to affect us today.


The Value of Zeal

As a differentiating value, Zeal has three parts: excessive fervor; strong eagerness; and readiness.

The first part of this value refers to intense passion or emotion. This is what most people associate with zeal.

The second part – eagerness – deals with a combination of anticipation and focus. It’s like the night before Christmas for a child, or the teenager sitting behind the wheel of the car, ready to drive alone for the first time, or when an entrepreneur is preparing to sell their startup company for millions.

The third part deals with being “always on.”  This sense of readiness means an individual, or couple is so clear about their purpose that they don’t need a prepared script. They don’t need to rehearse. Their mission is so alive in them that they are talking it about it all the time. They can’t wait for someone to ask them: ‘What are you doing now?” Even if they were called at 3 AM,  they’d be ready to respond straight out of a deep sleep. When people are filled with zeal, there is no ‘off switch.’

Zeal for someting greater than just the two of you

From Zealous to Fearless

A couple working together as a team, in a cause greater than themselves, can often be viewed as zealous. Their passion, focus, and readiness are evident to everyone who surrounds them.

Yes, at times they might even be viewed as fanatics. However, it’s also what creates an environment of fearlessness.

A zealous couple can appear fearless when they:

  • Embrace the power of passion to achieve the impossible.
  • Encourage intense trust and loyalty with others.
  • Willingly go where no couple has gone before.
  • Conquer all barriers with the treasure of hope.
  • Acknowledge their dependence on God and each other.
Watch out when a couple becomes fearless because of their zeal!

It’s only a matter of time before they advance their God-given purpose, and leave a lasting legacy.

Is there a topic about which you and your spouse are passionate?

Is there something greater than the two of you, driving you on…  causing you both to feel an intense emotion, making you both anticipate and focus on the topic, and something that you’d both be able to talk about without a script or prompting?

Maybe the Value of Zealousness isn’t as old-fashioned as you’d think… maybe it’s a Value you want to adopt as one of your Differentiating Values as a couple.

Wow – finally at the end… Z… I’m putting these posts – “A to Z” Values – all under the FAMILY portion of this site. Why? Every one of these Values words will be a blessing to each spouse – but more than that… they’ll benefit your whole family!

Imagine if you used the Value of Zealousness – that passion for something greater than the two of you – what kind of impact will that have on your family? On your children? I’m guessing that your children and family will only benefit as they watch the two of you living life with passion.

This is an Instagram challenge for July 2016 – A to Z and a few numbers… check out our Instagram account!

The posts in this series can be found on the PAGE – 27 Values to Enrich your Marriage 

27 Values to Enrich your Marriage - 27 values for your marriage

 

Youthful Love in Life

Youthful Love in Life

Youthful exuberance. Youthful joy. Youthful hope.  Youthful love. When you hear the word “Youthfulness”, what comes to mind? 

Is it unlined faces, and strong bodies? Yes. Perhaps.

But haven’t you met people in their seventies and eighties who have the spirit of youthfulness running through their conversation and their perspective? (We have.)

We’ve seen couples who have been married for decades and they still act like they are courting each other. Their relationship shows more than romance…  it’s a spirit of youthfulness found in their desire to be with each other.

We could imagine that they’d only been married for a few years instead of a few decades with their youthful love for each other.

Youthful Love

What are some signs of youthful love?

  • it doesn’t wait till it’s a good time – it grabs every opportunity to show love
  • it deliberately celebrates all the good stuff
  • it uses every energy possible to put something good into the relationship
  • it can’t wait to see the other person, often going out of the way just for a few moments together
  • it overcomes obstacles to make love a priority

When was the last time you showed your affection to your spouse in the same way you did when you were first married?

Yesterday’s Youthfulness = Tomorrow’s Promise

Youthfulness – vigorous and fresh; vibrant; associated with health and physical attractiveness.

If you’ve been married for a few years, have you fostered youthfulness in your marriage? Remember back when you believed you could accomplish anything, if you put your mind to it, and your life was perfect because you found the love of your life?

So what’s changed?

The daily pressures of a job? The responsibility for others (spouse, kids, extended family, etc.)? The normal struggles of life (staying healthy, paying the bills, etc.)? I think singer/songwriter Darryl Worley states it best with his song: Sounds like life to me.

When you first met your spouse, I suspect you didn’t allow “life” to get in the way of enjoying time with each other. So why allow it now?

The secret to youthful love is taking action.

As I referenced in a Values Quote on the Value of Happiness, Benjamin Disraeli clearly stated: “Action may not always bring happiness; but there is no happiness without action.” The same is true with youthfulness.

So – if you’re thinking about doing something special for your spouse, go do it.

  • If you’re considering buying something or planning a surprise for your spouse, go do it.
  • If you have thought of something kind to do for your spouse – go do it.
  • If you feel like giving your spouse a hug and a kiss, go do it. Now.

As an example, Lori and I know a youthful couple married more than 60 years. They don’t hesitate to take action. About 10 years ago, they decided to try something new. They went whitewater-rafting. For the first time. How many couples do you know will attempt whitewater-rafting – in their 70’s? Their shared youthful love is an inspiration for us. What’s neat is that they continue to take action by doing things together.

As my friend Trey Baker often states:

“Action is where the miracle happens.”

This is also true for preserving youthfulness in marriage.

How can the value of youthfulness help improve your marriage and the lives of others?

the secret of youthful love is action

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I’m putting these posts – “A to Z” Values – all under the FAMILY portion of this site. Why? Every one of these Values words will be a blessing to each spouse – but more than that… they’ll benefit your whole family!

Imagine if you nurtured a youthfulness in your marriage – that youthful love – what kind of impact will that have on your family? On your children? I’m guessing that your children and family will only benefit as they watch the two of you loving and living life while keeping your relationship a first and foremost priority.

This is an Instagram challenge for July 2016 – A to Z and a few numbers… check out our Instagram account!

The posts in this series can be found on the PAGE – 27 Values to Enrich your Marriage 

27 Values to Enrich your Marriage - 27 values for your marriage

 

eXhilaration in Marriage

eXhilaration in Marriage

eXhilaration – it’s a combination of Fear + Fun… doesn’t that define marriage?

(If you’re wondering why I’m using the interesting “small e” and “capital X”, it’s because there aren’t any Values in Robert’s list of 400+ that begin with “X”  — and I”m doing an A-Z challenge with these posts. So… I’m being creative. 😉  Just join in the fun.)

Ever been on a roller-coaster?

What’s the first thing that happens when you get on a roller coaster?  You get buckled in.

You know the ride is going to be exciting – that’s a given.

You know, at some time during the ride, your stomach is going to be in your throat.

You know you’ll feel out of control.

The ride is a combination of fear & fun.

eXhilaration - doesn't that define marriage - use your 5-point buckling system and enjoy the ride

Marriage is just like a roller coaster.

In marriage there are l-o-n-g uphill climbs and wind-rushing-through-your-hair-thrills.

Sometimes a spin or two – and even an upside-down moment… or eight.

What makes the difference between a thrilling ride, and possible death?

Being buckled in.

In marriage what is holding you safe?

A husband and wife can use a five-point buckling system for their marriage ride. They’ll use it to weather the fear and fun – the exhilaration of the ride:

Hope – the belief in each other and a good future together.

Faith in God – as a strength and guide in directing your life together.

Love – unconditional and affirming, building up and strong.

Prayer – as an investment for the future and a way to release pressure.

Action – working together to create a meaningful life – greater than just the two of you.

And who is always there to help buckle you both in… who is your “buckler”? Why, it’s Jesus, of course!

Encourage your spouse and enjoy the eXhilaration!

Yup. Stay buckled in and enjoy the ride! 

Robert’s official definition of Exhilaration is: the feeling of lively and cheerful joy; refreshingly thrilling

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I’m putting these posts – “A to Z” Values – all under the FAMILY portion of this site. Why? Every one of these Values words will be a blessing to each spouse – but more than that… they’ll benefit your whole family!

Imagine if you are buckled firmly in – ready for the fear and fun of marriage – what kind of impact will that have on your family? On your children? I’m guessing that your children and family will only benefit as they watch the two of you encourage each other through the up-down-and-all-around eXhilaration of life together.

This is an Instagram challenge for July 2016 – A to Z and a few numbers… check out our Instagram account!

The posts in this series can be found on the PAGE – 27 Values to Enrich your Marriage  (BTW – If you’re reading this post before the end of July 2016, then the page isn’t complete… I’m still writing! 😉 )

27 Values to Enrich your Marriage - 27 values for your marriage

 

Warmhearted Like A Friend

Warmhearted Like A Friend

Warmhearted people aren’t difficult to identify.  They easily extend small gestures of kindnesses to others, and are generous with their time and support.

Warmhearted – friendliness, kindness or affection; sympathetic and generous.

However, even if others consider you to be a warmhearted person, it doesn’t automatically mean you are friendly, kind, affectionate, sympathetic and generous toward your spouse. Sometimes those actions are lost in the hustle of real life… sometimes spouses can treat each other with a callous disregard they’d never give a friend. (Or even an acquaintance.)

Being warmhearted toward your spouse takes thought and effort – consistently. It’s like a muscle that’s strengthened over time by constant practice.

Warmhearted spouses treat each other with respect, and kindness. They’re affectionate with each other. They easily sympathize as the other goes through challenges, and are generous with each other.

This Value isn’t about grand gestures – rather it’s demonstrated in small ways.

Ways to be Warmhearted Towards Your Spouse

  • Whenever your spouse arrives home, stop what you’re doing, and take a moment to greet her/him. You’re demonstrating your respect for him/her as your spouse and friend. Surely what you’re doing isn’t that important…
  • Ask your spouse if there’s anything you can do to make the day easier. Demonstrate generosity of spirit and lend your practical support.
  • Let your spouse know how you admire her/him – a genuine compliment is always valuable. Who better to hear this from than your spouse!
  • Smile. A warm smile from someone who cares about you is a beautiful gift. Give it often.
  • When you sense your spouse is feeling down, offer a hug, and let it last a long time.
  • Pick an evening or specific time to say to your spouse, “What would you like to do for the next few hours? I’m all yours and whatever you want to do is fine by me.”

Isn’t it amazing how many of these you would do for a friend? Yet, after just a short time of being married, it’s easy to skip over these simple yet powerful gifts of kindness.

As a spouse, wouldn’t it be wonderful if you treated each other with the sympathy and support of a friend?

What are other ways you can be warmhearted toward your spouse?

Are you warmhearted with your spouse?

I’m putting these posts – “A to Z” Values – all under the FAMILY portion of this site. Why? Every one of these Values words will be a blessing to each spouse – but more than that… they’ll benefit your whole family!

Imagine if you are warmhearted with your spouse – what kind of impact will that have on your family? On your children? I’m guessing that your children and family will only benefit as they watch the two of you being kind and sympathetic, affectionate and supportive.

This is an Instagram challenge for July 2016 – A to Z and a few numbers… check out our Instagram account!

The posts in this series can be found on the PAGE – 27 Values to Enrich your Marriage  (BTW – If you’re reading this post before the end of July 2016, then the page isn’t complete… I’m still writing! 😉 )

27 Values to Enrich your Marriage - 27 values for your marriage