“A good marriage is that in which each appoints the other guardian of his solitude.” –Rainer Maria Rilke
Sometimes the best support you can give your spouse is to do nothing.
I am, by nature, an introvert.
Quiet-time/alone-time is imperative for my mental and physical health. After knowing each other 30 years, Rob understands.
As much as I enjoy hosting people and being a working part of events, I will often ‘disappear’ for a bit to recharge. Not after the event – during the event. This can cause some raised eyebrows. Fortunately my husband (and even my grown kids) guard my need to disappear. When asked, “Where’s Lori?”, Robert will let them know I’ll be back soon.
Robert accepts and defends my need for solitude – with others and even from himself. From the first years we were married, he knew to leave me alone for periods of time and accepted that it wasn’t a reflection on him if I didn’t want to be together right now.
I imagine it can be the exact opposite for those who are extroverts. If an extrovert’s spouse accepts their need to be out and about – in the flow of activity – and does nothing to impede their experience, then that’s another way to guard and support a spouse.
What’s your experience with your spouse?
In what way are you the guardian of your wife or husband’s solitude?
Update: Take a look at our Mid-Marriage Encouragement video about being an introvert!
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