The gift of time – we call it a Joan Day.  What’s a “Joan Day”? It’s a day where the less driven spouse has control of the agenda, and it’s also a way to practice all five of the love languages: quality time, gifts, words of affirmation, physical touch and acts of service.

I’m guessing you might be the same as Rob and me. One of you in the marriage is a little (or a lot) more driven – one of you in the marriage is usually the creator of the AGENDA.

A friend once told Robert that he had a great big “A” on his chest, signifying his hidden designation as “Agenda Man”. We laughed, but his super-power designation has stuck. Even our kids refer to him as Agenda Man…

So – a “Joan Day” is where the agenda-driven spouse turns his/her attention to the other person in the marriage, and they both have a rest, while addressing some of the desires or whims of the less driven spouse. It’s a great way to fill up your love tank, using all five love languages!

Every now and again, Rob and I enjoy a “Joan Day” – and giving up his agenda is one way Rob shows his love – it’s an act of service for me.

Why Do We Call It A “Joan Day”?

We’ve known Herb and Joan for a very long time, and they have been a positive influence on Robert and me from before we were married. In fact, Herb married us, and in the picture above, they were a part of our 25th wedding anniversary celebration. We communicate via the phone and email often – and they have told us they pray for us daily. We are so thankful for their example and contribution in our lives… Their adventurous spirit, and dedication to the gospel of Christ has been a signpost for us innumerable times.

I’d love to tell you all about this couple – because their story is rich and strong, but for this post, all you need to know is that Herb loves, loves, loves, to be with people – to talk and and interact and teach and learn. And Joan? Not as much. Throughout their life, Herb’s missionary drive has filled their life with experiences. Joan has supported him steadfastly in all things, including living in Asia for almost a decade.

Because we’ve had a small window into Joan and Herb’s lives over the years, a long time ago they shared a practice we have also incorporated – a Joan Day.  From what we understood, (and remember from the story so long ago), it was a day where Joan’s desires were met, and Herb facilitated – setting aside his agenda.

New Experiences – No Agenda – A Gift of Time

Everyone will have their own kind of Joan Day.

My kind of Joan Day holds a combination of no agenda – nothing accomplished – and new experiences. On the last Saturday in January, Rob and I had a Joan Day.,

A smooth, open road, under a blue sky, with inspiring music and each other was the first part of my Joan Day…  Starting with the Love Language of Quality Time!

Wilmington, North Carolina, is a coastal Atlantic port city, with many cultural delights, and the beach has miles and miles of sand and shells. 

We used our gift of time to drive a few hours…

from where our fifth-wheel was parked and went to the beach – Wrightsville Beach!

January at the Atlantic ocean is cool. We needed to wear our jackets, and although many walked by with bare feet, we kept our shoes on. I gather an inner peace and relaxation by watching, and hearing the sound of the waves. We sat close together – and held hands – that’s the Love Language of Physical Touch!

We enjoy reading, so taking our Kindles with us was a given, for this gift of time away from daily cares…  (see the bottom of this post for a book recommendation and an offer!)

We watched couples interacting on the beach – enjoying their gift of time.

It was a lovely afternoon.

New Experiences in our Gift of Time

You know, it’s the small things in life which make the gift of time on a Joan Day really special.  I tried two new things, and enjoyed an old favorite.

First – we ate at a food truck!  

And Second – I tried some craft beer. Third, we listened to live music!

You might not find these items special, but I’ve always wanted to try food from a food truck…  and though Rob and I rarely drink alcohol, I’ve seen these trays of little glasses to sample different styles of beer on social media, and they caught my imagination. (They’re called a Beer Flight).

We found a craft brewery called Flytrap Brewing, created by a husband & wife team, which has a food truck in their parking lot on some evenings, and live music. Great pairing, huh?

The Flytrap was full of people of all ages – enjoying their beverages, food and music. 

If you want to see more of our adventures – take a look at our Instagram account!

All of the Love Languages in a Joan Day

Do you see how our “Joan Day” encompassed all of the love languages? We had the time to:

• exchange words of affirmation as we drove – listening to all kinds of music and talking about our life and plans for the future.
• the whole day was a gift of time – quality time!
• we touched often during the day. 😉  I felt very friendly toward Rob.  😉  That’s physical touch!
• the entire day was an act of service – Rob taking me everywhere my heart desired.
• and the gifts I received?  (remember – gifts don’t need to cost anything!)

We recommend the The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts by Gary Chapman to every couple. It’s easy to understand, easy to put into practice (even if you’re not “feeling” the love in your marriage right now) and a tool that you can pass on to your kids, your friends, and everyone you meet. Please!  If you haven’t read this book, try it. And if it’s been a while since you’ve read it… review!  If you’ve read this far in this post – thank you! I’d like to offer you a chance to win a digital copy of this book… Leave a comment below about what you believe your spouse’s love language is, and I’ll choose one winner from the comments – I’ll close the comments off in one week – February 10, 2016. so the winner can read it before Valentine’s Day. This offer is for a digital Kindle (.mobi) copy of the book, which you can read using an app on your smart phone, tablet or computer, even if you don’t own a Kindle. Go ahead… leave a comment even if you already own the book – if you win you can always gift it to another couple!

What do you think your spouse would enjoy on their “Joan Day”?

How could you incorporate your spouse’s love language?

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