What you wear will either encourage or discourage

…your spouse.

And influence those around you.

I’m suggesting we all need to be deliberate in some areas of our appearance.

3 Things 

When this initial post began it had 3 points – and was much too long.

So I divided it into three parts.  This is the second post out of three.

  1. Do you look like you’re married? (click to read the first part)
  2. Are you highlighting what he/she enjoys?
  3. What are your cues?

Part 2 – Are you highlighting what he or she enjoys?

And if you are – what are the repercussions?

(This second point may tweak a few noses out of joint, or cause some discussion.)

When I searched for the topic of dressing modestly there were over 1.5 million results focused on how women should be modestly dressed. Yup. Big Topic. Conversely I got only 21,000 results when I searched for dressing modestly as a man…

So, for those of you who might not know, there’s a movement within some Christian circles toward an observance of modesty. For women – high necklines, long skirts and shoulders covered is at one end of a spectrum. The belief behind this modesty movement is to protect a woman’s dignity and avoid visual temptation for men. I’m imagining the same modest standards would be true for men – appropriately fitted clothing and covering up those stunning chest and arm muscles.

How you choose to dress is between you and your spouse, and your understanding of what pleases God. (Although I suggest looking at 1Corinthians 8 )

What’s my point?

Do you know what your spouse thinks of your clothing?

Is what you’re wearing pleasing to your spouse – both for their own delight, and how she/he feels when you are out in public? Is it a bit much?

Have you had this conversation? Recently? What was true 5 years ago may not be the same now…

As in all things in marriage, you’re not here to please only yourself. Shocking concept, I know. Our 1st world culture is inundated with messages to make the most of ourselves in every way (including our appearance), regardless of how our choices are translated.

Using our body can attract our spouse or distract others. 

Guys are visual creatures. If women wear clothing which provocatively reveal what naturally attracts (eg legs or breasts) then, no matter how awesome and Godly a guy, they’ll fall prey…

A small story from my father-in-law’s youth illustrates this concept:

In 1947 Charles was 17. As a basketball player in an all boys school, he was driving home from a game with his buddies. This rival school was co-ed so there were girls also leaving the game. His eyes focused on some young ladies walking on the sidewalk and apparently those young beauties had some lovely legs.

When the car in front of him stopped, Charles failed to notice and hit it. The driver of this black Cadillac happened to be the wife of the Chief of Police of  Toronto  Ontario (Canada). The damage was minimal, but the lady still took his license number.

When Charles arrived home his Dad said, “I hear you had an accident!”  Apparently the wife of the Chief of Police had shared her experience. And Charles was instructed to keep his eyes on the road – not the young lovelies!

Perhaps you have a similar story in your family history?  Perhaps it’s a less innocent story. And of course, for all of us, we have the sobering Biblical example of King David and Bathsheba…

Do you desire to attract your spouse?

Ladies – I’m sure you’re aware which bits on your body attract your spouse – that’s all a part of the beautiful experience of sex in marriage.* (see below)

However –
If choosing to dress your ‘attractive bits’ is for the benefit for others – or for your own ego boost – perhaps it’s time to ponder?  This is as relevant for men as it is for women. We all – men and women – need to be aware of why we’re leaving body parts more bare – or accentuated – than they need to be.

Our 1st-world culture is so sex-obsessed we may be going down a path that’ll lead to heartache – or heartbreak…

A Healthy Approach to Sex in Marriage

A healthy and enjoyable intimate life is essential to a great marriage. There will be times (or years) when sex is less emphasized than you, your spouse or both of you wish.

I don’t write candidly about sex – it’s not what I’m called to do.  However there are those in the CMBA who have great posts on sex in marriage. Debi at The Romantic Vineyard has a valuable list of posts.

And because I do agree that sex in marriage is very important, and that it takes both husband and wife to work together on making it great *I wanted to point you to a practical resource. I’m including a link to Sheila Gregoire’s book, “31 Days to Great Sex” as an option.  

(affiliate link)

None of us – whether married 8 months or more than 30 years have got it all together…  Sex in marriage is a work in progress, so who will enjoy this ebook?

  • Newlyweds who want to start off well
  • Couples for whom life has become blah and too routine
  • Couples who have almost given up hope that sex can become great
  • Couples in conflict because one spouse wants sex more frequently than the other
Sheila does an admirable job covering how to focus on being attractive to your spouse – including what we wear – and how to talk and move through the whole topic while not buying into the whole sex-obsessed culture.
I’m sure it won’t amaze you that sex in marriage is a lot more than just the mechanics…

Have you had a conversation with your spouse about modesty?

The last post of this 3-point topic is about how you provide cues for your spouse and others to know what’s important to you. See you tomorrow!