Encouraging Words: Compliment

Posted on April 26, 2012 by Lori Leave a comment

What do you admire about your spouse?

It’s not hard to make a list of qualities you admire in your spouse – if you’re paying attention.  You married this person, so there must have been qualities that drew you to him or her.  Do you remember?

The first thing I ever noticed about Robert was his voice.  He was sitting behind me in a church class – he’d just joined the class as a guest – and I didn’t even know what he looked like.  He answered a question with his deep, 16-year-old voice, and I was intrigued.  I still love the timbre of his voice!  (If you’ve ever listened to any of his Values Quotes videos, you’ll understand.)  I value that Robert never gives up.  He has the quality of perseverance.

Sometimes a compliment will be about what you value, or simply enjoy in your spouse.  At times a compliment will be about something small, and insignificant such as a physical attribute.  Other times a compliment will highlight a strength, or how your spouse has grown in a way that wasn’t strong in the past.

Compliments are a simple way to show respect & love.

A sincerely given word of appreciation, admiration, and approval has the power to light up your spouse.  Better yet, it’s a tangible way to show how much you notice the good stuff – all those unique gifts, and talents God has put into your spouse.

Complimenting your spouse can be learned.

Perhaps you’ve grown up in an atmosphere where compliments were rare.  Or needed to be earned.  Don’t be stingy.  It’s not necessary to continue that behavior.  It is possible to learn how to give words of affirmation and admiration.  Exercise your ability to give a sincere compliment.  Like a muscle, it’s a skill that must be exercised.

Don’t wait to give compliments.  At the grave-side a compliment has no impact on the body waiting to be buried.  Learn to give the gift of a compliment – now.

Respecting and loving your spouse can take many avenues.  A sincere compliment is one.

A compliment is like verbal sunshine.

~ Robert Orben

How do you go out of your way to acknowledge the good stuff about your spouse?

Words to Encourage

Deciding to Work Quietly

Posted on April 24, 2012 by Lori 6 Comments

A while ago I wrote about Charles and Susannah Spurgeon.  (you can read those posts here and here).  I keep coming across quotes and stories about this amazing couple…

Here’s another story about the Spurgeons:

Charles Spurgeon and his wife would sell, but refuse to give away, the eggs their chickens laid. Even close relatives were told, “You may have them if you pay for them.” As a result some people labeled the Spurgeons greedy and grasping.

They accepted the criticisms without defending themselves, and only after Mrs. Spurgeon died was the full story revealed.

All the profits from the sale of eggs went to support two elderly widows.

Because the Spurgeons where unwilling to let their left hand know what the right hand was doing (Matthew 6:3), they endured the attacks in silence.

from the Chaplain Magazine

Sometimes it’s difficult not to justify our actions.  We’re a society that loves to shout what we’re doing – just think of Facebook and Twitter!

Have you and your spouse ever made a choice not to explain yourself, but continue to move forward in a Godly fashion?

Imagine what a strong relationship Susannah & Charles Spurgeon had – do you use other Christian couples to ‘model’ your behavior – to be examples for how you’d like to be?

 

 

 

Be careful not to practice your righteousness in front of others to be seen by them. If you do, you will have no reward from your Father in heaven.  So when you give to the needy, do not announce it with trumpets, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and on the streets, to be honored by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full. But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing,  so that your giving may be in secret. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.

~ Matthew 6:1-4

encouraging couples

Windshield Driving

Posted on April 20, 2012 by Lori 19 Comments

When you sit in the driver’s seat of your vehicle, where do you look?

Most of us spend most of the time looking through the front windshield.

We were told in driver’s education to glance in our side and rear-view mirrors.

Think about the size of the front windshield.

It’s a large piece of glass – usually the largest in the vehicle.

Next, think of the rear-view mirror mounted on the front windshield.  How does it compare with the windshield? (I’m not a math person, so I can’t give you a percentage.  Feel free to leave your estimate in the comment section… )  I’m just going to generalize and say that the rear-view mirror is much smaller than the front windshield.

Why is the front windshield larger than the rear-view mirror?  

Although it’s important to be aware of what’s happening behind and around us, most of our attention should be focused on where we’re going.

Look forward. Glance behind.

This is true in marriage, also.  In your marriage, are you looking forward with a glance backward and sideways to orient yourself… or are you staring in the rear-view mirror with a sense of longing?  Or maybe you’re staring because you don’t want to let go, move away and get past something.

Are you caught up – tangled –  in the past?

OK.  I gotta say it…

Let the past go.  It’s done.

You can’t bring the good stuff back, any more than you can change the bad stuff.

Perhaps it’s time to just

… let it go.

Stop looking back.

How can you see the

good

God is going to do in your life

if you’re so busy looking backwards?

…what kind of people ought you to be? You ought to live holy and Godly lives as you look forward to the day of God and speed its coming.

2Peter 3:11-12

Encouragement comes from hope – hope for the future.  God is never done using us for His purpose.  Ever.

What are you missing because you’re looking back?

inspire with hope

Encouraging Words: Favor

Posted on April 19, 2012 by Lori 2 Comments

Can you think of a time when you loved your spouse with excessive, unfair partiality?

Or showed him or her preferential treatment?  Or gave the one you love – your spouse – your undivided support, attention and approval?

It’s OK to be biased.

It’s good to have a favorite person – if that person is your spouse!

Think about it – if your spouse is your favorite:

  • you like your spouse more than anyone else.  That’s kinda cool.  Imagine if your spouse felt that you liked him/her more than anyone else,  if they knew that you liked them best…  how would that influence your relationship?
  • your actions are biased.  You regularly choose your spouse.  There’s no question in anyone’s mind that your spouse is first in your consideration.  Imagine if your spouse felt you considered him/her first…  how would that affect your relationship?
  • you give without expecting remuneration.  There’s no expectation to receive anything in return, if your spouse is your favorite.  What you give is just an outward sign of your favor – your regard and approval.  Imagine if your spouse felt no strings were attached to anything you gave her/him… how would that shape your relationship?

Show your spouse favor.

You demonstrated your bias when you married your spouse.

You chose that special person over every other person on your wedding day and showed her/him excessive partiality.

On your wedding day you promised your undivided support in good and bad, in sickness and health.

 

Make every day just like your wedding day – encourage your spouse by making her/him your favorite!

Favor:  

- goodwill as a kind act; not from justice or for remuneration

- held in high regard with preferential treatment, unfair partiality and excessive kindness

Have you been married a while?  Perhaps you’ve renewed your vows.  What did you promise to your spouse when you renewed your vows?  If you’re considering renewing your vows, what would you promise?

fortify with faith, Words to Encourage

Where is your focus?

Posted on April 18, 2012 by Lori 6 Comments

Finally, brothers and sisters,

whatever is true,

whatever is noble,

whatever is right,

whatever is pure,

whatever is lovely,

whatever is admirable

—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy

—think about such things.

~ Philippians 4:8

I read a post – “Are you hard to love?” from another “Lori” that got me thinking…

How can we encourage our spouse, if we are “hard to love”?

If we’re behaving in a way that makes us hard to love – what are we focusing on?

Lori Alexander suggests we focus on being:

…patient, kind, positive, accepting, content, joyful, pleasant, and a servant.

Does that sound like hard work?

Where love begins – work ends.

~Barbara Hemphill

Maybe that’s the key?  Focusing and beginning in love…

(What do you think?)

encourage, Words to Encourage