Mental Health Awareness Month – May

Posted on May 3, 2012 by Lori 1 Comment

Illness shows up in many forms.  Your spouse may be struggling with a chronic silent physical illness – Lupus, Crohn’s Disease, Diabetes, etc.  Or a mental illness.  Regardless of the disease your day-to-day living is impacted.  Disease rearranges finances, relationships with other people, career choices, family dynamics, and future outlook.  And a mental illness is as devastating as a physical disease.

1 in 4 adults will experience mental illness at some point in their life –

1 in 17 people live with mental illness.

How do you encourage a spouse with mental illness?

My best female friend has been battling depression and anxiety for more than 10 years.  She and her husband, Peter, have tried everything.  Everything.  And yet this disease remains a daily struggle.  Donna focuses on getting through the hour.  Sleep is her only refuge.

Every now and again her ‘spark’ shows up – that uniqueness that is Donna – she can smile and joke and interact with her husband and children.  She’s such a fun person with ideas and drive and wit and compassion.  They – we – all look forward to those moments.

Peter, her husband, wrote a blog post in October 2011 for Encourage Your Spouse.  He does a much better job of describing how to help a spouse with a mental illness than I ever could.  Here’s his post:

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So here it is…my wife Donna, suffers from depression.

Wow, there’s a load off my chest.

How do I cope with her illness as a supportive spouse? 

That’s a good question – I give and get help.  What does help mean to me?

  • Hope
  • Encouragement
  • Love
  • Prayer

Hope

I hope everyday that something will change or improve for Donna – even the littlest things are celebrated.  But putting my hope and trust only in doctors, is short-sighted on my part.

My hope is in the fact that God knows the future, He lives in the present, and He offers hope to the hopeless.  Knowing He is with us gives me strength!  I remind Donna of that often…which leads me to…

Encouragement

This one is sometimes tough to do on a daily basis.  I try to offer thoughts and actions of encouragement to Donna.  Sometimes I fall short and add no value to her.  Other times, the value I add is just to be there for her.  The value I give is to listen when she wants to share her thoughts.  I can’t solve the problem – that I know.  But I can certainly listen and offer encouragement whenever possible to her.

Love

Donna and I have been married over 24 years now.  Boy time has flown by fast.  In all those years my love for Donna has transformed – in a good way.  Sure we’ve had our struggles and still do, but we’ve also experienced great joys and triumphs.

I look at Donna in wonderment as to her resolve in continuing on, even when the road ahead is not yet traveled.  She has more difficult days than not, but every morning before I leave for work, I pray over her and give her a kiss on my way out.

She is precious because God gave her to me.  Being a depressed person, she may not always see that…but I do try and take opportunities to show her that she plays an important part of my life.

Prayer

This is a big one for me.

Prayer has gotten us through a lot of things over the years.  I pray for Donna every day.

I also pray to God and thank Him every day for the wedding blessing we received many years ago.  The Covenant I made with Donna and God is as important to me now as it was then.  The three of us are still together!  I don’t want to take that for granted.

I know God will continue to strengthen us both whatever journey He decides we walk on.  He is always with us.

And lastly, we are not too proud to ask God for help - we know He will give it to us if we approach Him humbly.  We also realize God may not give us the help in a way or time that we think He should.  For me, this is the part that I need to grow into – His thoughts are not my thoughts… His ways are not my ways.

Sure I wish things would be different - but they aren’t. 

The only question left to ask is…

“What am I to learn from this experience?”

Perhaps the answer is to simply share it with others so they too can get – H.E.L.P.

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Peter and Donna carry on in life.  They will celebrate their 25th wedding anniversary in  August.  Donna has pushed herself to plan a celebration – this was very difficult, but celebrating is important to Peter, so Donna works through her anxiety and is sending out invitations, planning the food, and all the other activities necessary for a significant celebration.

If you or your spouse is battling mental illness, reach out for help.

NAMI – National Alliance on Mental Illness – is a great organization.  It provides avenues of assistance for caregivers and those living in the illness.  Reach out and surround yourself with a strong support system.

Peter and Donna have a strong, supportive church family who understand their challenges.    Friends take Donna out of the house for the day.  They go walking with her.  They are available on the phone when Donna needs to hear a word of encouragement.

Peter sings in a choir and they keep his spirit up and focused on his joys.  (he’s the first one to sing in this video)

 

There is hope.  As with any illness, hope can burn brightly.  It’s possible to keep hope alive.  As a spouse of someone living with mental illness, it’s imperative that you arm yourself with every possible tool to keep moving forward.  Encouraging your spouse is good – but as the encourager, your responsibility is to keep your “well” full.

What’s our job?

Maybe our spouse isn’t ill.  Nor are we.  But if 1 in 17 people are living with mental illness, then my guess is we all know someone with this disease.

Perhaps our job is to provide support?  Sometimes a smile, a hug, or a cup of coffee is enough to show you noticed, and you care.

Don’t leave them alone in their illness…

Have courage.  Encourage.

encourage, encouraging couples, inspire with hope

Encouraging Words: Bless

Posted on May 1, 2012 by Lori 6 Comments

We live in the south – the south-eastern USA. Though we’re not born southerners, we relish the nuances that make southern living unique.

First, there’s the weather!  Sunshine.  There’s great southern food. Yum!  The abundance of flowers and flowering bushes and trees are a feast for the eyes. There are the huge bugs. And pollen.(OK, maybe we haven’t enjoyed everything southern!)

We also love the cadence of the language.   English is spoken here in the south, but it’s spoken slower and pulled out into many syllables.  There are uniquely southern phrases.

One uniquely southern phrase we’ve come to know is:

Well, bless your heart!

Sometimes this phrase is exactly what it seems.  A positive affirmation.  It’s a way to show sympathy and love and solidarity.

However, it’s also expressed at other times.   Instead of being rude, a southern lady might use this phrase to indicate that what you’ve done or said, is just plain stupid.  But they still love you anyway.

Some time ago we were in a group meeting, and a fellow from one of the northern states was presenting a new concept.  When he completed his presentation, he asked if there were any questions.

A southern lady asked a question.  His answers were not applicable to her situation.  She qualified her question.  And then rephrased it. And again.  And once more.  This northern-born presenter continued to see the situation from his own vantage and wasn’t able to respond to meet her needs, in her situation.

This southern lady ultimately gave up and finished with the statement, “Well, bless your heart.”

Of course the gathered group chuckled.

We were all southerners and understood the expression of her frustration.  Unfortunately (or fortunately) the fellow from a northern State didn’t grasp the nuance of her statement.

Regardless of her frustration, this southern lady still wanted good for the presenter.

Do you bless your spouse?

Let’s be candid here.

We don’t always meet in the middle with our spouse – there are issues that continue to be annoying.  Sometimes we’re the problem.  Sometimes not.  At times we just can’t understand where our spouse is coming from… and sometimes they just don’t ‘get’ us!

Do you continue to bless your spouse, regardless of how much you agree or don’t agree?

Bless:  to request of God the bestowal of divine favor on someone, or request protection from evil.

Words are powerful.  

God created everything with a Word.  

Our words can create an atmosphere of growth or of death.  

Let’s bless our spouse!

Words to Encourage

An “Outcome” Question

Posted on April 30, 2012 by Lori Leave a comment

Do you practice the essence of encouragement?

When your spouse spends time with you

– does he or she feel better and happier?

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About the creator of the doodle – Stephanie Ackerman:

My heart just jumped up and cheered when I found this lady’s doodles on Pinterest.  I’m a visual person who loves words, so her doodles caught my fancy.  Check out her blog, and of course take a look at her Pinterest page!

encourage

Entering Your Day: Being deliberately & reverently married.

Posted on April 27, 2012 by Lori Leave a comment

“Therefore marriage is not to be entered into unadvisedly or lightly, but reverently, deliberately, and in accordance with the purposes for which it was instituted by God.”

I’ve begun reading John & Stasi Eldridge’s book Love & War:  Find your way to something beautiful in your marriage .  The beginning of the book opens with Stasi reflecting as her husband, John, is officiating at a wedding.  The above quote is part of the ceremony.

When did you last attend a wedding?

Did you pay attention to the words – the promises – spoken?

Reverently enter marriage.

Revere – to show great respect.  Every day we wake up beside the person we married, we’re entering into another day of marriage.

Do you show great reverence and respect for your marriage union?  How does this translate into your every day life?  

Deliberately enter marriage.

Deliberate – to move with steadiness and intention.

When you walk through your day – your week, and month and years, how do you demonstrate intentional and steady marriage movement?

For what purpose has God designed marriage?

Purpose – the reason something exists, an intended and desired result.

The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him…

So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and then closed up the place with flesh. Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.

 The man said,

“This is now bone of my bones
and flesh of my flesh;
she shall be called ‘woman,’
for she was taken out of man.”

That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.

~ Genesis 2: 18, 21-24

We chose to be married to have a partner through life.  To not be alone.  To be one flesh – united.

Being married means you leave your parents and their opinion is no longer your first concern.  (Neither are your children, even though they came from you and your spouse.)

Our spouse is a gift.

How do you deliberately and reverently show your spouse – the one you chose to marry – that you view her or him as a gift?

Here are 3 ways to enter your day being deliberately and reverently married:

  1. Pray.  Pray for your spouse, pray for your marriage relationship.  Ask God to show you how He views your spouse.  Pray for your future together.  Ask for direction, ask for blessing, ask for protection from the evil one.  Take the time to pray!
  2. Believe.  Believe that your spouse is a gift.  Have faith that God created him or her for you.  Work on your own faith in God, because if you can have faith in small things, then all the big issues can also be solved.  Read Matthew 17:20
  3. Act.  Refuse to be blown this way and that by your ‘feelings’.  Feelings are fleeting.  Use your own self-control, develop it!  Stop reacting!  Decide to act, then take action in ways to demonstrate you value your spouse.  Be deliberate.

Is this difficult?  Maybe, in some seasons of marriage.

Is this sustainable?  Yes.  As long as you begin again – every day.

How do you sustain reverence for your marriage, even in a difficult season?

 

encourage, fortify with faith, inspire with hope, support with action, uplift with prayer

Book Review: You Are a Writer

Posted on April 27, 2012 by Lori 4 Comments

I love to learn.  Well – if I’m being candid, then I’d say I love to learn in certain areas.  Relationships, marriage, encouragement, writing, history, and other sundries.  (math, economics and finance are not one of these topics – I’m being candid here, after all.)

So, I’m constantly and consistently drawn to places that cause my brain to stretch.

When it comes to the topic of writing, one of my favorite spots to “stretch” is found at a blog called Goinswriter.com.  It’s written by Jeff Goins, and he is a writer.

He shares his insights, tips, and resources for those who want to write.  (Here I am writing, so I guess that’s me!)  Since I’ve discovered Jeff – he signs his emails with “Jeff” so I think I can refer to him with his first name, and not a stuffy and stodgy “Mr. Goins” – I’ve worked through a few of his resources, read his Manifesto, and a few other books he’s recommended.  I’ll just sum it up.  He’s one of my trusted resources.

Today I’ve completed reading his newest eBook:  You Are a Writer:  So Start Acting Like One

The premise?  The last sentence is key:  ”Remember: You are a writer. You just need to write.”  Of course that’s simplistic, but aren’t all truths simple?

He begins the ebook with words of encouragement, a bit about his story, and more affirmation.  I love feeling encouraged, don’t you?  He set me up to be ready to hear the practical stuff.

He says things like:

Passion is contagious. If you treat people like human beings and write from a place that is deep and true, you will find your audience.

My favorite practical stuff  included:  Building a Platform, Establishing a Brand, and Channels of Connection.  In these three chapters, Jeff Goins spells out how these three areas could be covered.  I found myself nodding in agreement – a lot!  (and realizing where I need to improve)

Throughout the book, Jeff is very clear about one thing:  writing is hard work.  You must persevere.  And a writer – writes.  Perhaps not well at the beginning, but as time passes and the person learns, the writing develops a unique ‘voice’.

Toward the end of the book there was a statement that made an impact on me:

Every milestone affords a new vantage point. You realize how much there is left to explore.  The trick here is to learn to be content with the journey, because you never fully arrive. However, the true masters of the craft are those who never grow complacent. They’re never fully satisfied; they’re always pushing themselves a little further.

Hmmm. Push  myself.  Be content with the journey.  I think I can do that…

Do you write?  You are a writer!

If you’d like some encouragement on how to view yourself as a writer, along with the practical, solid strategy, take the time to read Jeff Goins’ book, You Are a Writer:  So Start Acting Like One.

It’s easy to read.  It’s easy to understand.  But like all good things, writing is never easy to do.  I’ll finish with another encouraging word from Jeff,

You don’t need to take a giant leap. You just need to take the next step.

All reviews are my candid opinion. I don’t receive any compensation (financial or otherwise) for a review.  A review copy was provided by the author.

book review, off topic