Do you and your spouse share a daydream?
I’m so happy to introduce you to Amy Dickerson. She says about herself, that one day she realized her cooking had hijacked her social media accounts. She was forcing herself not to post stuff about food on her Facebook every day, and her personal journal had become the annals of her culinary journey. After that self-realization it was only a short jump, skip, and a hop to starting her blog, “Happy Accidental Baker“
Her guest-post today is a daydream she and her husband shared for many years. Sometimes it’s encouraging to share a dream together…
Here’s Amy’s post:
What’s unique about every recipe?
I believe that every recipe has a story, every favorite dish a tale, that our tastebuds have the ability to take us back in time to our most beloved memories or to places we’ve never gotten yet, but only dreamt about.
Ever since the beginning of our relationship, my husband and I have had this ongoing daydream when things get stressful and tough, that we would just run away. I remember writing him letters saying, let’s just run away together. You and I, that’s all we need to survive.
Of course, that’s when we were young and in college and there was this unspoken hopefulness that it could actually happen. One day we’d just pack a bag and run off into the sunset.
For 14 years, through the good times and the bad, this has always been our little daydream,
“Let’s just run away.”
Over the years, even though we knew that our responsibilities would never allow it, the daydream got more specific. We narrowed down a place where would we run to, dreamed up a dream of what we would do in our new life when we’d escape together.
The daydream took shape.
We’d have a seaside cottage, in down-east Maine. He’d sell collectibles on Ebay and read comic books; become a reclusive hermit. I’d wear thick cable knit sweaters and wool socks with birkenstocks; drink tea while I read novels and grow bunches of blueberries.
We went so far as to look up real estate in Maine and found a house we loved the look of online.
A daydream made real…
The Dickersons in Maine – a daydream realized!
Then one summer, we packed up the kids for vacation and we went there.
It was a lovely trip, probably one of our most favorite family vacations. At the end of the trip, on a lark, we decided to drive out to the town to look at the house we’d set our daydream around for so long.
The house itself look exactly like it had on the real estate website. A little white cottage, with a screened in porch, perched atop a cliff with a lovely ocean view.
However, omitted from the description, and the pictures, was the neighbor’s house and yard, which was comprised of heaps of rusty, crushed old cars and towering stacks of abandoned appliances.
Not exactly the idyllic locale that we’d imagined.
Real life – with the taste of the daydream!
Even though our little daydream was crushed by reality, it still remains,— this idea that we could just run off and we could leave our problems behind and have storybook bliss just living off each other’s love. It’s silly, it’s juvenile, it’s impractical, and it’s ours.
Every time we have blueberry pie, it makes me think of Maine.
It makes me remember our secret little daydream. It makes me think of the “what if’s”, but also makes me appreciate the life we’ve built together where we are.
Does your spouse hold a secret wish?
Perhaps it’s not anything like running away to a whole new life together, but maybe they wish they could…
- change careers,
- climb a mountain,
- go back to college,
- deep sea dive,
- visit a foreign country,
- start a band.
Even though it might never happen, I believe it’s super important to let your spouse know, that even in the sometimes impractical, sometimes impossible, you support them and would be right by their side through it all.
So, while I doubt that we’re ever going to leave the business, and run off to Maine to be hermits – so in love we’re oblivious to the world and eat blueberries all day long – we can sit on the porch eating blueberry pie and know that the dream lives on.
Here’s a taste of our daydream, for you!
¾ cup white sugar
5 Tablespoons cornstarch
¼ teaspoon salt
2 Tablespoons lemon juice
4 cups fresh blueberries
pastry for a double crust pie
1 Tablespoon butter
Preheat the oven to @ 400 degrees.
Line a 9 inch pie plate with one pie crust
Mix together the blueberries and lemon juice.
In a separate bowl, mix together the sugar, cornstarch and salt. Sprinkle this mixture over the berries and then pour the berry mixture into the crust.
Dot the top of the berries with butter.
Cut the remaining pie crust into ½ inch strips and weave for a lattice top.
Crimp and flute the edges of the crust.
Before baking, fit a small ring of aluminum foil around the edges of the pie crust to keep them from over browning.
Bake for 50 minutes. Remove the aluminum foil.
Turn on the broiler and place the pie under the broiler for around a minute to brown the top of the pie. Let sit for at least one and a half or two hours before slicing and serving.
What are some of the dreams you’ve supported with your spouse?
Robert and I are pursuing a dream we had 31+ years ago – we’re traveling full time with our truck and 5th wheel…
What about you? Have you ever tried out a “dream”?
If you could, which dreams would you and your spouse try? Leave a comment!
(at least try out Amy’s blueberry pie – it looks delicious, doesn’t it!)
Being connected. That would be good, right? What happens when you’re feeling a connection to your spouse? Lots of benefits:
A close connection with your spouse
will make encouraging him or her much easier…
You’ll go the extra mile when with a close connection to your spouse. You’ll add extra energy, and want to make things easier, no matter what the situation.
When you’re feeling connected to your spouse, you’ll be energized by being together. Two are more than one, aren’t they?
When you and your spouse are feeling a good connection, you’ll work together – your effectiveness and outcomes will bless everyone around you. Being a blessing is a wonderful outcome, and it leaves a valuable legacy.
With a feeling of connection it’ll be easier to be positive with one another. You’ll speak with cheerfulness. You’ll be optimistic. Even if it’s not a natural part of your personality, being positive will come easier if you feel you have a connection with your spouse.
Connect with your spouse today!
The power of touch is huge – I’m sure this concept isn’t new to you. If you’re interested in some data on the importance and significance of touch, take a look at this post.
Touch can be more nuanced than only using your body…
Touch your spouse with your voice.
We’ve been given the gift of sound and words.
Give it some thought:
There’s a huge difference between a mother speaking to her baby as they’re cuddling while nursing, compared to when she’s yelling at the car in front of her as she’s late for an appointment.
It’s all about tone.
(OK – a little bit has to do with volume too…)
With what tone do you touch your spouse?
It is possible to use your voice to touch your spouse.
Robert can put me to sleep with just his voice. Now, don’t laugh. This is a good thing!
When my head is full of worries or it’s been a busy day and all the conversations are rolling around in my head, Rob will talk about happy things as we lie together in bed. The sound of his voice soothes me, it brings me peace. And then I can fall asleep.
Have you ever whispered sweet words into your spouse’s ears?
The sweet words can be teasing, or naughty. The words don’t even need to be whispered – they can be everyday conversations.
But notice your tone – the quality of your vocal intonation – as you speak to your spouse today.
Does the sound of your voice caress your spouse – or slap them?
Linking up with:
A Proverbs 31 Wife
Covered in Grace
Have you ever imagined yourself gliding across a glittering ballroom floor with your spouse? (Imagine “Dancing with the Stars”, but with more romantic music and no judges.) In our imagination we would never step on each other’s toes, or stumble – we’d be perfectly synchronized and move together in grace and beauty. We would flow…
That’s what this post is about – flow. It was written by my friend, Robert. (He’s also my husband.) He writes about values and how they translate into marriage, leadership and marketing on his blog, FergusonValues.
The first time I heard the concept of “flow” was in a business setting. It was proposed as a model to help improve productivity. This was a new term to me and I decided to explore it.
The concept of flow comes from the field of psychology, first proposed by Mihaly Czikszentmihalyi. He pioneered work in the understanding of happiness, creativity, and human fulfillment.
Psychologists argue that the hallmark of flow is a feeling of spontaneous joy while performing a task. Other familiar terms of this concept include: in the moment, in the zone, orin tune.
At the heart of flow is the answer to Czikszentmihalyi’s question: “What makes a life worth living?”
How would you answer that question?
As a differentiating value, Flow means move or progress freely; or continuous progression.
Rather than focusing on tasks, this led me to the question:
How can flow add value to a marriage?
Flow like Dancing
The image that comes to mind that might best portray flow in marriage is dancing.
Visualize a married couple moving easily together, in sync, and thoroughly enjoying the moment. It’s a wonderful thing to watch. It’s even better to do.
Imagine a husband and wife who are motivated to work together with a single-minded focus, harnessing their combined energies to perform their God-given purpose.
This spans numerous areas including: raising a family, involvement in their church, running a business, volunteering in their community, or whatever else they feel called to do.
Doesn’t that sound like a positive and powerful combination? It feels like the perfect marriage of happiness, creativity, and fulfillment – as God meant it to be.
If this excites you, there are a few different ways you can build flow into your marriage.
Building Flow into Your Marriage
1) Leverage your strengths. As with any team, each person needs to know their areas of strength. It’s where they take the lead. But two people can’t lead at the same time. Where should the man lead? Where should the woman lead? Focus on your areas of strength.
2) Practice together. Once you know your role and where you lead, it’s important to practice it. Mistakes happen. Try again. Just like dancing, one must lead and the other must follow. In ballroom dancing, the man invites the woman to follow his lead. She in turn does not lean on him, rather holds her own weight. Practice hones your skills of working together, leading and following – in your areas of strength – while continuously progressing through the dance.
3) Celebrate improvements. At times you will naturally step on each other’s toes. Apologize and move on. One day you’ll notice less problems and more success. You are progressing forward. Don’t forget to celebrate! If practice makes perfect, the celebration makes certainty. Confidence grows with competence that you CAN do this together.
So…. flow in action is not just for couples on the TV show “Dancing with the Stars.”
All married couples that desire to move freely in a continuous progression in their areas of strength can experience the value of flow. It also makes for a life worth living – together!
Note: If you are interested in learning to dance together as a married couple, I encourage you to contact Marriage Dance. This program is an adventure into combining the beauty and romance of partner dancing with scriptural truth about marriage.
Victory: a successful ending of a struggle or contest; winning.
What comes to your mind when you hear or read the word “victory”?
Is it an image of the Olympic medal winner standing on a podium? Is it crowds of people on a city street, shouting with raised arms and millions of bits of paper flying through the air? Is the word “victory” just a celebratory word? Is it a one-time occurrence?
Let me give you a different view of victory…
Once there was a girl and guy who planned on marrying. They were very close to ‘The Date’ – the wedding day. It was the evening of the girl’s bachelorette party, May 23, 2010. She and her friends had been enjoying a day of fun.
This young woman was athletic – a life guard, a swimmer, a sports-recreation major – and she and her friends didn’t hesitate to be physical. After a day of fun they all went out to the pool. One of the party-goers playfully pushed the bride-to-be into the pool. Just fun. Nothing out of ordinary to play around.
In a completely incomprehensible way, this young bride-to-be injured her spine and, with a C6 spinal cord injury, she now lives as a quadriplegic. And boy, does she LIVE.
I met Rachelle while filming a cooking segment for a friend, Chef Elise Johnson. Rachelle had been married a number of months, and came with her mom – her full-time caregiver at the time. This beautiful young woman came to film a segment where Elise gave her easy-to-do ideas on what to cook as a newlywed. At that point, because of her injury and paralysis, cooking was something she had yet to conquer.
It clearly became evident that Rachelle celebrated every victory. Each daily victory. Getting out of bed was a victory.
Her wedding was postponed till she recovered – Chris and Rachelle married on July 22, 2011. That was a victory. She and her husband went to Fiji on a honeymoon. Victory. She mastered a wheelchair. Victory. She’s mastered using an iPad for phone and email using the side of one hand. Victory. She’s been through a number of spinal-chord rehab events. Victory. Victory. Victory. She plays wheelchair rugby. Victory. She’s gone surfing. Victory. Rachelle has learned to drive. On her own (and all the complexities that it encompasses). Major Victory! She’s been married to her sweetheart, Chris, for a year. Victory.
Now Rachelle is writing a book, found an agent and is seeking full-time employment. Do I smell a victory coming on?
Victory as a way of life
Our victories don’t have to be noted as celebrations with people cheering (although that’s always nice…). Every struggle, no matter how small, can be counted as a victory. Eventually, our lives bear witness of the accumulation of these small victories. Here are a few examples of couples with many small victories as they led their lives. It just so happens we notice them for their victories.
Mary & William – a royal couple that changed history without bloodshed – Victory!
David & Mary – a missionary couple who charted Africa – Victory!
Dwight & Mamie – worked as a leadership couple – no permanent home for 32 years – led a nation through turbulence. Victory!
Charles & Susannah – an ongoing influence for over 100 years. Victory!
Ken & Marjorie – inspiring others and in business together. Victory!
All couples fail. All couples have victories.
What are your victories?
Sit down and count up your victories.
Write them down. How many days have you been married? Victory! Who have you served for Christ? Victory! Do your children know Christ Jesus? Victory! Did you kiss your spouse this morning? Victory! Are you living a life filled with meaning? Victory! Do you have a shared mission? Victory!
Another way to look at victories?
In what ways have you been blessed with victories?
I recommend following Rachelle on Facebook – give her a “like” – and cheer Chris and Rachelle on as they celebrate their victories! (It’ll spark your imagination…)
This post is also found on Leadership Couples.
Linking up with:
Sandra Heska King