Enrich Your Marriage and Encourage Others

Enrich Your Marriage and Encourage Others

Enrich your Marriage AND Encourage Others – Are you making the most out of your relationship? Or are you just coasting along, making life work for you?

Is your marriage “Just fine.”?

You’ve been married for a while, right? Maybe a few years… maybe a few decades. And you like spending time with each other… dating your spouse is fine.

You’ve done the dinner at a restaurant more than once. (Probably more than 100 times if you’ve been married a few decades.) You’ve gone out to see a movie. You might even do fun things together like go to car shows, go antiquing or thrifting, play golf or tennis, tour on your motorcycles, or sail your boat, train for marathons or hike local trails.

You enjoy your time together – it’s all fine.

Enrich your marriage - you can be more than fine!

So now what? What happens for the next few decades… more of the same?

You have a unique opportunity to use your relationship as husband and wife as a powerhouse for good.

A powerhouse for good. What does that mean?

It means that you leverage your “just fine” marriage relationship… it means that you kick your “just fine” marriage relationship up a notch… it means that you invest in yourselves and others to lead a life that’s filled with meaning!

But you still have kids at home – what about them? 

Let them see you doing good while strengthening your relationship, and it’ll inspire them.

You’ve heard the saying, “The best gift you can give your children is loving your spouse.”  Right?

Go one further – continue to love your spouse, but do good together!

Now wouldn’t that be a valuable action? –  for you and your spouse – for your kids, family, friends and your community?

Enrich Your Marriage Encourage Others - Love your spouse and do good together - lead a meaningful life

12 Dates – Encourage Others – Enrich Your Marriage

Here’s a list of 12 dates – ideas for you and your spouse to enrich your own marriage AND encourage others. Choose one a month for the next year. Put them on your calendar. Make it real.

***This is a really long post – so I thought I’d make it easier for you to put the ideas into action with a free workbook which includes all the ideas in this post, space to fill in your ideas and lists, and more!***

 

Create a “Take It Easy” basket for a friend.

Enrich Your Marriage: Discuss the idea of relaxation with your spouse. Make a list of all the things that she/he (you both) find relaxing. Be specific. You might discover something you didn’t realize about your spouse. Over the time we’re together we continue to change as people. What we found exciting in our 20’s we might not find great today… couldn’t that be true about relaxation also? Items to consider would be music, chocolate, warm socks, DVD, etc – think of the 5 senses.

Encourage Others: Agree to a budget. Purchase some items from your list and put them into the basket. Drop it off at your friend’s place. Sharing what you love is a sign of care. Though you can’t know exactly what will bring joy to this person, your care will shine through.

Flowers for Caregivers

Enrich Your Marriage: Talk about your experiences with those who are elderly. Are your grandparents still alive? bouquet-of-flowers-1503055_640Parents? What are some of the upsides and downsides of growing older? Do you have some fears? Do you share the same fears? Are they different? Why? This might not be an easy conversation, but it’s important. No matter how old you are now – you’re growing older. You’ve vowed to live your life with your spouse. Understanding how she/he feels about time/bodies/lives changing is valuable.

Encourage Others: Pick up 2 bunches of flowers and visit the closest nursing home. Give one bunch to the caregivers – theirs is often a thankless job. And give the other bunch to the first elder person who smiles at you. (I know, if you could, you’d give every person a bunch of flowers, but you can’t. Think of it differently – do for one, what you’d like to do for everyone.)

take action to enrich your marriage and encourage others

Treats to Connect

Enrich Your Marriage: What treats do you remember from when you were growing up? Wagon Wheels (Maybe that’s just in Canada?) Candy cigarettes? Shoe-string licorice? Reminisce for a bit as husband and wife. Sometimes we lose track of the fun stuff from our childhood within the seriousness of life. That child – or parts of that child – is still alive in you and your spouse. The memories will make you smile. Smiling together is precious.

Encourage Others: Buy a bulk bag of candy/chocolate bars – make up little packages and give them to the kids in your church’s Sunday school.

Wisdom of Words

Enrich Your Marriage: What books have you both read that you both enjoyed? Maybe it was a huge, thousand-page tome… Maybe it was a Reader’s Digest magazine or a Peanuts Cartoon book? It doesn’t matter the seriousness or fun of the material. Just explore a bit. Why did you like the reading material? Is it the same reason your spouse liked it? If you’ve never read the same stuff, why not? Yes. Why not try it! 🙂

Encourage Others: Go to a bookstore – or look online – and buy an extra copy of your favorite book. (Or a book you believe would be your favorite once you’ve both read it.) Give it to another couple to enjoy.

Laughter IS Medicine

Enrich Your Marriage: Science tells us that laughing will make us healthier. (This study. And these too.) Do you laugh with your spouse? What makes you both laugh? Sitcoms? Jokes? Slapstick? Spend an evening on Youtube, just laughing at all the comedians. Decide what kind of humor suits you both. (if you don’t already know.) In addition, try new kinds of humor. Dry British comedy. Or comedic shenanigans that make 3-year olds laugh. I wish you an evening that makes your belly muscles hurt! 🙂

Encourage Others: Make list of knock-knock jokes – keep ‘em clean! – and phone a friend to tell them the jokes. Take turns. You’ll all end up laughing! And become healthier!

enrich-your-marriage-by-encouraging-others-12-dates-to-make-it-happenComfort and Joy in Scripture

Enrich Your Marriage: Do you know your spouse’s favorite Bible verses? Do you know the stories behind those verses – why they are important to your spouse? Sit together and gather a list of your favorite Scripture verses. Maybe 8 or 10.

Encourage Others: You can either write each verse – individually – on card-stock squares, or use your computer skills to create an attractively spaced document to cut apart into squares. Put the finished product into an envelope and mail them – anonymously – to someone who is going through a hard time. Add a note to tell them they’re not alone.

Shared Sweetness

Enrich Your Marriage: I’m guessing that not many couples bake together.couple cookies heart enrich and encourage Are you one of the few? If so, great stuff! Try a new cookie recipe and indulge your gifts in the kitchen. If you’re not used to baking together, there’s a unique togetherness that comes from co-operating to make an end product. I can’t explain it – you’ll just have to try it.
And if you really don’t want to follow a recipe, then buy some refigerated dough and co-operate in putting it onto the cookie sheets. Then decorate. Then eat a few cookies. 🙂

Encourage Others: Take your batch of cookies and drop them off at your local fire station. The fire-fighters will work off the extra calories quickly. 😉

Gumball Rally

Enrich Your Marriage: This is an activity to bring out the kid in the two of you. candy-1124375_640You’re not as old as you might feel… Remember those gumball machines (or candy dispensers) in the grocery store? Map out a plan to drive past all the grocery stores/malls in your area. Then spend an evening/afternoon in the car together with a fun mission.

Encourage Others: Tour around the local shopping plaza, grocery stores etc. where you’d find gumball machines… and leave quarters in the slots to surprise the next kid (person). Be stealthy. Don’t give your mission away…  😉


Gift of Music

Enrich Your Marriage: Music is a universal language – it transcends the spoken word. Dissonance and harmony – they’re themes in relationships too. Pull out all your CDs – I’m guessing you might have a few CDs hidden away – not all of your music will be MP3s if you’ve been married a few years. cd-cover-642141_640Walk through the CDs as a history of your likes and dislikes… do you like music your spouse doesn’t? Why? Are there albums you loved at a certain time – why? Do you now hate certain songs that you loved once-upon-a-time? Now sort the CDs into piles – must keep and give away. I’m imagining there are going to be some “ah-hah!” moments – some surprises at what your spouse values and why…

Encourage Others: Once you’ve organized and the CDs into piles, gift those you no longer love to a nursing home. Or the Library. Or a hospital ward. You’re sharing something you onced loved enough to spend money on… let someone else have the gift of that music to enhance their life.

Comfort and Affirmation

Enrich Your Marriage: Not everyone’s love language is words of affirmation, yet a few words or phrases spoken for comfort and affirmation won’t hurt anyone. Imagine the concept of a huge tank (like a water tank) that’s called a “love tank”… it can be filled up in many ways: words of affirmation, actions serving one another, physical demonstrations like hugs and loving touches, little gifts, and time spent doing something together. It’s good to know what your spouse’s primary love language is (one of the five), but filling the tank can include all of the love languages. letters-837_640This enrichment activity will key you both into which words resonate with your spouse. Go to a card shop. Pick out cards which appeal to you, and taking turns, read them to your spouse. First you read a card you’ve chosen as special. Read it. Watch your spouse’s reaction. Does the words/sentiment you’ve chosen resonate with your spouse? Yes? Why? Is it what you expected? No? Why not? You’ll learn a lot about your spouse in this activity to enrich your marriage.

Encourage Others: Choose 3 friends who are facing some difficulties. Or friends you know could use some encouragement or affirmation. Find cards at the card shop which you both feel would resonate with those friends. Buy them. Send those cards. A physical card is impactful. You have the choice of signing your names – or not…

Encourage-mint

Enrich Your Marriage: Which leaders in your life – teachers, ministers, coaches, etc. – made a significant impact in your life? Each of you make a list of these signficant leaders. Show each other the list. Does your spouse know about all these people? I’m guessing there are going to be a few surprises. And if your spouse can recognize the name, does she/he really understand the details of this leader’s significance to you? Spend some time telling stories about those people – share with your spouse how these people have made you the person you are today.

Encourage Others: Some of those leaders on your lists won’t be available today – so you’re going to do this as silent tribute. Buy a bag full of mints. Or maybe two kinds of mints. Put them into a jar and label the jar with: “Thank you for your involve-mint, commit-mint, and encourage-mint.” Take the jar to your local school (or church, or volunteer organization, etc.)  and leave it in the office for the teachers. They don’t need to to know you. You don’t need to know them. This action is about reaching out to affirm these leaders as they make a difference in other lives.

Compassion in Action

Enrich Your Marriage: Are you past the stage of little ones in your home? I’m guessing some of you are. Maybe your kids are teens. Maybe they’re grown. Maybe you don’t have kids.

This activity is to take action in a way that will positively impact another couple, while empathizing with the stage they’re in. 

Do you know of a couple with young children? (I’m talking under 5 years of age.)  You could know them as neighbors. You could know them from your church. You could come in contact with them through a school, a sports connection, a hobby, or event. That young couple could be your grown kids. Or friends of your grown children. Narrow your thoughts to one particular couple.

couples back to backThink of this couple. What do you know about them? How are they similar or different from the two of you? Can you relate with the stage they’re in? At all? Chances are life is filled with new expereinces – and not all of them are fun. Chances are they’re not overflowing with extra cash – it could be that paying their bills every month is a challenge. Chances are they have a small circle of family support (parents/grandparents/aunts/uncles) who live close by. And even if they live close, they’re not always physically or emotionally present in their lives.

Enriching a marriage when raising young children is difficult. (I think you might remember?) This is the point in time where many marriages go off the rail – and never recover. Two people who love each other lose their connection. It takes time and effort to continue to grow through the “young children” stage. Can you relate? What do you remember about this time in your life?

Reminisce a bit. Pull out the photos, if it’s hard to envision – or it’s been too long. You’ve already walked this path. You’re veterans. You know the pitfalls and the joys. How are you leveraging what you’ve already learned? What would you do the same… what would you do differently? (We all can make a list on this topic.)

Reach out to encourage: This is not a quick action. Make a plan to get to know this younger couple. Be deliberate. Talk to them in passing. Ask about their children. Ask about their work, their life ambitions, or their hobbies. Let them get to know you.

Give it time for them to know and then like you. Time for them to trust you. Yes, it’ll take time to build a healthy relationship.

It’s not about giving advice – just being kind. It’s not about giving instruction – but being a listening ear. It’s about a friendly smile, an extra helping hand, or a word of affirmation, when life is tough. Wait for the time it’s appropriate to offer to provide childcare for an evening, so the younger couple can go out on a date. (They’ll need to really like and trust you first – this won’t be appropriate immediately.) Maybe, if you have the funds, it might be possible to provide a gift card to a restaurant.

How can you bless another couple? How can you leverage your marriage to become more and add value to another couple?mentoring

A Year Endeavor to Enrich Your Marriage & Add Value

Enrich Your Marriage Encourage Others - Love your spouse and do good together - free workbook

You could do these actions over a year – one a month. Some are just for fun. Some have little cost involved – others can be as extravagant as you’d choose. Some are a deeper, more time consuming activity.

Go ahead – download the workbook! It has space for you to write your own thoughts – make notes – and I’ve done some of the work for you (like including a few “knock-knock” jokes, and a page of Scripture notes.) It’s free!

 

Busy Couples Can Encourage Together – 10 Quick Ways

Busy Couples Can Encourage Together – 10 Quick Ways

Busy couples. Are you and your spouse busy? If I were calling out that category in a room full of couples, would you raise your hand?

Even if you belong in the “busy couples group” you can still add value to others. You and your spouse can have an impact greater than the two of you – you can make a difference and it doesn’t need to take hours and hours.

10 Ways Busy Couples Can Encourage Others

Your marriage – your relationship as husband and wife – can bless others. Here are 10 quick and fun ways to add value to others even if you’re one of those busy couples. 

Play & Pray with Someone – Think of 2 or 3 people – they could be seniors in your church, or single moms/dads, or even friends you haven’t seen in a while. Maybe you don’t have hours to spend with these precious people, but as one of those busy couples you can spend 20 minutes doing this activity! Give these 2 people a quick call and ask, “Are you home tonight? Can we drop by for 15 minutes?” If you get a positive response, then grab your UNO cards and drive/walk to their home. Play one game of UNO (yes, just one), and then ask if there’s something you can pray with that person about. Pray together. And leave. 🙂  Simple and quick. You’ll get astonished laughter, and they’ll want you to stay longer… but don’t. Just Play and Pray. Carry on to the next person. You and your spouse will be energized, and those you visit won’t quite know what happened, but boy-oh-boy will they talk about it for a long time. busy couples can make a diffeence by visiting someoen to play a game of uno - just one game - and pray with them - make your marriage make a differenceWash A Car – You might be one of those busy couples, but with this idea you can get a little exercise and still bless someone… Think of a single mom/dad or a widow within your neighborhood or church family. Gather soap, buckets, sponges, and drying cloths, maybe even a water hose and connector… everything you need to wash a car. Call ahead to be sure they’re home, and ask if you can drop by. Head over, and wash their car! As you clean the vehicle, treat it with special care. Seniors especially appreciate this little gift of your time and effort.

busy couples can wash a senior's car as a date night random act of kindness - use your marriage to make a difference

Donate 20 Items to a Food Pantry – Together! Set a budget, and shop for 20 non-perishable food items at your local grocery store, or even online. Take turns choosing the item – have a conversation about the food you’re choosing and why. Then drop your purchases off at a local Food Pantry or Soup Kitchen that day or later. You don’t need to wait for Thanksgiving, or a special holiday to make a difference in your local community or church… today works!

date night for busy couples to make a difference - giving non-perishables to a food pantry

Penny a Plenty – Use a jar to collect your pennies – and dimes, nickles and quarters if you choose – from your pockets, car and purchases for a month. Then early one morning go for a walk together (or late evening) and leave heads’ up pennies (or any change) on the sidewalk every so often…  It’s a treasure for others to find, and give someone a smile.

date night penny trails busy couples create as a random act of kindness

Popcorn Surprise – Buy 2 boxes of microwave popcorn. Open the boxes and attach a note saying “This popcorn is a Random Act of Kindness from us to you – Enjoy!”  to each packet. Grab a roll of packing/painters tape, and map out your local RedBox machines (There’s an app for that.) Tape one or more to each RedBox. busy couples leave popcorn for a random act of kindness

Roses by the Dozen – Buy a dozen roses (or 2 dozen), and go to a shopping mall parking lot. Give a rose to older ladies and moms with kids. How many people rarely receive a rose? Too many. You can make a difference in the life of a young mom who is struggling to parent, or bring warmth to the heart of an older person. It’ll take all of an hour…

busy couples give roses and add value to others - enrich your marriage by encouraging others

Dessert Delight – When you’re out at your favorite restaurant, choose a family or another couple, and send over dessert(s) to their table. Tell your server that you want to keep your identity a secret. It’s a simple act, but powerful.

send a dessert to a couple or family - busy couples adding value as husband and wife to others

School Supplies – Set a budget. Go together to your local Target or Walmart or order online, and buy a bunch of school supplies. Crayons, pencils and pens, notebooks, stickers and glue… let your imagination wander. Pick the items you loved as a kid. Talk with your spouse about your school memories…  When you have them collected, go together to deliver them to a local school. If you already know a teacher, then arrange to take the supplies to his/her classroom. Even as a busy couple, you can provide for your community and make a student’s life and a teacher’s day better.
donate school supplies - as a busy couple you can make a difference in lives
Sticky Note Encouragement – Write notes of encouragement on 3M post-it notes at home. Then take a trip to the library and put them into library books to cheer the hearts of the next reader. Choose the books you leave notes in carefully – match the note to the sentiment of the book. You might be one of those busy couples, but you can come up with encouragement… right? Say thing like: “I hope this book makes you smile.”  “We hope you have a great weekend.” “We’re praying you find joy in what you’re reading.” busy couples can write encouragement notes

Candy Bar Care – You’re one of those busy couples, right? I imagine you meet with many people who give you a hand, or make your life easier, but you might not have a chance to say “thank you”. Here’s your chance! Make a list – together – of all the people you see regularly, or those you might not see, but do you a service. Think of your mail carrier, your pharmacist, vet, dry cleaner, grocery store clerk, church secretary, toll booth operator, barrista,  trash collectors, (you get the idea). If you’re having trouble making this list, then mentally go through your day/week, and consider everyone you meet on a regular basis… Now purchase candy bars, attach a note of “thank you”. If you can, deliver them together. If it’s not possible to deliver them together, divide the candy bars, and text your spouse each time you drop off one… busy couples can say thank you with little gifts of candy bars

All these ideas would make great Date Night activities.

Use your time together to bless others, and let your marriage – your 2 into 1 – make a difference!

10 Quick Ways Busy Couples can encourage together and enrich your marriage

Enrich your marriage – husbands and wives leading meaningful lives. – Just some quick ways to encourage others… together!

This post has a bunch of affiliate links – by purchasing with these links Rob and I receive a few pennies with no extra cost to you. Thank you – it’s very much appreciated. Truly.

No Ego And It Will Come Together

No Ego And It Will Come Together

“No ego… it seems to come together.”

Husband & wife,  two artists with one vision, working side-by-side on the same canvas; Kevin & Wendy.

Married in 1987, they’ve been painting – together – till today. Yes. Painting on the same canvas. Two brushes, many colors, one painting.

Schaefer Miles Fine Art Poppies Divine Love Kevin and Wendy No Ego and it will come together

from Kevin & Wendy’s facebook page (used with permission)

When Rob and I talk about how we live in 282 square feet (our RV) and work together all day, every day (or almost), many people respond with, “Oh, I could never do that!” For some reason, some people can’t imagine working with their spouse. What’s the barrier?

Is it an ego problem?  

On February 3, 2016, I participated in a twitter chat about collaboration. The topic of ego showed up numerous times. This was a business twitter chat (BufferChat), however, like most things, it can be a indicator for relationships and marriage also.

A number of the tweets mentioned not letting ego be a part of the collaboration… these are two:

What is EGO?

In the Lead Like Jesus Encounter, a program Robert facilitates, there is a section revolving around EGO. Good ego – and bad ego.

Edging God Out – (bad ego)

Exhalting God Only (good ego)

Whenever I hear or read the word “ego”, those two ways of looking at the topic are top-of-mind.

I wonder somtimes, if we, as husband and wife, could only focus on always giving God the honor and glory, we’d work much better together. Our collaborations would be sweeter and have greater impact. 

Working with Your Spouse

Maybe you are reading this post and think you don’t work with your spouse. You don’t own a business, earn money together, or volunteer together in a non-profit or even at church…

However…

You DO work together – as a couple – every day!

  • you work together to make a strong marriage
  • you work together to build a life
  • you work together to make the finances cover all the bills
  • you work together parenting your children
  • you work together making a few rooms into a home
  • you work together to be sure there is food to eat
  • you work together to plan holidays and events
  • you work together to nuture relationships with friends and family
  • you work together creating a future that has meaning and purpose
  • and collaborate, working on more and more!

I’m sure you can add to the list, can’t you?

What would happen if you could contain or restrain your own ego, and instead, in everything, exhalt God only?

How would that change your working together as husband and wife?

Remember – you’re a team!


LLJ lead like jesus logoLead Like Jesus Revisited Want to know more about that good Ego?

Take a look at a post we wrote about EGO for Lead LIke Jesus: Learning to Collaborate with the Right Ego  —- And a post about edging God out by the President and CEO of Lead Like Jesus, Phyllis HendryThe #1 Sign You’re Edging God Out

As a resource, we recommend the new book, Lead Like Jesus Revisited. On page 63 there’s a chart which details the signs and consequences of Edging God Out (the bad ego). And on page 82 there’s a chart with the details of what it looks like if you Exhalt God Only (the good ego).

Reach out to us – Robert . Lori @ LeadershipCouples.com – we’d love to to come and do a Lead LIke Jesus Encounter with you and your friends/family/church group, with Robert as your facilitator.  As you might realize, our sweet spot is working with husbands and wives… imagine what a weekend retreat would feel like if you were together with your couple friends – learning, growing, and enriching your marriages!

Lead Like Jesus - use the good EGO - exhalt GOD only


 

No ego and it will come together - Husband & Wife in a meaningful life - Pin

at about minute 6:15 you’ll hear the quote at the beginning of this post from Kevin & Wendy

Write a Letter for Date Night!

Write a Letter for Date Night!

Just a quick “date night” idea for you and your spouse – and this one doesn’t cost much at all!

It’s an idea to encourage others and you and your spouse. It’s about focusing on what’s good in your life!

Write a Letter!

When was the last time you wrote a letter?  

You know, the kind where you use…

a pen

and real paper…

where you need an envelope

and a stamp

and an actual house address?

How To

I was reading a post on Jennie’s blog, Little Girl Designs, that caught my attention – it was about 18 Letter Writing Prompts.

In this post she included:

  • the prompts
  • what to include in your letter  (LOVE #2 in this section)
  • and five points which address all the reasons why you haven’t/can’t do this!

While I was reading Jennie’s post, I thought about what Rob and I could be doing with the photos we have from our travels – so far they just live on Instagram (you can see them here).

What if we printed some of the best ones and made cards to send notes to other couples we’d like to encourage? And what if we did it as a date night activity?

Check out Jennie’s post on this idea to inspire your date night letter-writing!

Here’s her post: http://www.littlegirldesigns.com/write-now-18-letter-writing-prompts/

 Date Night! write a letterencourage someone

What about you?

What could you write about in a letter to others? Who is the first person that comes to mind — who might welcome a real-live encouraging piece of snail-mail?  I bet you can think of more than one person!

 

 

 

 

16 Reasons a Date Night is the Best Choice

16 Reasons a Date Night is the Best Choice

Date Night, for a husband and wife, can descend into a silent, mediocre meal, surrounded by strangers, with nothing better to take home than the bill. Why bother?

Here’s both the Big Picture and the Practical wrapped up in 16 reasons…

Take Back Date Night!

16 reasons a date night is the best choice for you and your spouse:

  1. Quality Time = Quality Marriage. Dedicated time for a date night with each other starts with a promise of quality time. (one the of the five love languages) 
  2. Be a Keeper. By being proactive, use date night to do something new, and stay connected all through your years of marriage. There’s no reason to fall out of  love (or “like”) with each other! Here’s a link to a post about what we’ve seen in couples married many years. 
  3. Stress Away.  No… really! Let that stress of daily life GO! Arrange a date night to let go of stress – music, physical activity, laughter, quiet contemplation while viewing a sunset or whatever works to recharge. A date night is the perfect opportunity to de-stress. 
  4. Reach Out and Touch. Physical touch is another of the 5 love languages. It’s priceless. (and not all about sex – but always could include intimacy!) Use date night to escalate the power of touch – from holding hands, to caressing a face, to massaging shoulders, to kissing, to…  (Yeah. You get the gist, right?) Play a bit. Only go further one step at a time – use an hour to go no further than touching each other’s hands, and the next hour to only touch above the neck, and the third hour to only use your mouth... elsewhere…(are you smirking yet?) 

  5. Stability in Change. There’s nothing so constant as change. Your life is going to change. Guaranteed. You will change. Your spouse will change. Your kids will change. Everything is always changing. (Tired yet?) Use date night to remain stable, emotionally and relationally,  in every change you encounter. 

  6. Challenged to Grow. Date night, done well, forces the two of you to stretch. What do I mean, “done well”? Whenever there’s a opportunity, you have two choices: put in some effort or seek the path of least resistance. Your marriage will grow if you always put in the effort, and date night is a regular way to make sure you push yourself
  7. Inject Humor into a Serious Life. Robert and I are pretty serious. We feel we don’t laugh enough, and deliberately seek out opportunities to be around people who find laughter easy. What about you? Are you one of those easy-to-laugh couples? (Hey- want to hang out together?) If you do find it easy to laugh, share your gift with each other, and others! And if you’re like us, then use date night to watch YouTube videos, listen to comedians on Sirius Comedy channel, go to the bookstore and read each other funny comics – or the card store and pick out cards to make each other laugh! (Just read them and carefully put them away  – it doesn’t have to cost anything!) 
  8. “Yes, I’d marry YOU again!” Words of Affirmation. Assurance. Use date night to affirm your spouse. (That’s another of the love languages!) After you’ve been married for multiple decades (or even before that) and life becomes either hum-drum, or hectic, it’s deeply valuable to know your spouse admires you… still.  Or that your spouse values you… still. Or your spouse would choose you all over again! 
  9. More than. You are more than a man. More than a woman. You are more than a mother. More than a father. More than a grandparent, an employee, a minister, a clerk, a lawyer, a note-taker, a cook, a dog-walker. You are the other half of another person. It’s so easy to lose track of that fact. To mitigate its importance.  As spouses, you are One-Flesh. Made for each other. United. 
  10. Asking for Help. It’s not what you might think – I’m not suggesting you use your date night to go to counseling. Rather, have you ever considered a date night focused on prayer? I’m guessing your life isn’t all peaches and roses. I imagine you’re kind of like Rob and me – you’ve got problems. Concerns. Use an hour of date night to pray together – ask for help from the ONE who has all the answers and all the power. Date night doesn’t need to be (only) fun and games. You’ve already taken time away – you’re disconnected from everyday life.,, Date night is also there for the serious stuff. Make date night count – use it for the problem times too! 

  11. Be Unique! Unfortunately, it’s not common to find couples who are deliberate about making time for a date night. It’s rare to find husbands and wives who have a night/morning/afternoon date – alone – every week. Yes, it is sad. Heart-breaking. Especially when you talk with couples who are contemplating divorce and can’t remember the last time they spent quality time together. 

     Here’s a personal story – we have friends in Dallas – married many decades, who go on a weekly “date night”. Her work even knows not to schedule her on that evening, because it’s “date night”! In her role as the Director of First Impressions at a call center, she shares her view on the value of date-night… and she lives it! Couldn’t we all be like that?

  12. You’re a Team. Have you forgotten? Husband and wife are a team – tackling life together. Your kids are going to grow up – your buddies/girlfriends will shift, your employment will change… You. Are. A. Team.  Use date night to work together on a project, to overcome a fear, to plan a new outcome, and set goals. Oh, please set goals together! Here’s a post about setting goals as husband and wife. 
  13. Keep Each Other Young. Use date night to play. Use that time together to renew your playful spirit, and to find the kid hidden inside you both. Try board games from your childhood, or legos, or swing, or play hop-scotch, or…  
  14. Ask Great Questions. Robert just finished a great book, A More Beautiful Question: The Power of Inquiry to Spark Breakthrough Ideas by Warren Berger. The premise of the book is that by questioning, deeply, imaginatively, and “beautifully” we can identify and solve problems, come up with game-changing ideas, and pursue fresh opportunities. Use the power of questions to enrich your life together! Need suggestions for questions? Try our eBook!  
  15. Romance is ALIVE and well! Do you remember the “tingles”… those flutters, and quivers when you first saw your spouse? My first memory of Rob is hearing his deep, bass voice answering questions behind me in church. (I was 14 – he was 16.) Later, when we began dating, I would get this thrill, just to know he was going to knock on our side door, and take me out for the evening. When was the last time you felt the “tingles”? Have you dressed up for your spouse lately? Have you given her a gift? (Yeah, gifts are another of the five love languages.) What about trying a few new options in your intimacy, or an invitation to slow dance to a love song… a moonlight kiss, or a love note? A date night will keep the romance in your marriage alive!  
  16. Connect and Communicate to Encourage. We all long to feel understood, don’t we? We all need to feel affirmed. Each spouse – husband or wife – wants to feel valued. Date night does all of this – if you’ve decided to make the event (morning, noon or night) a tool to connect and communicate. It’s up to you. Each of you. Date night is the best choice to encourage your spouse, if you keep this in mind. 


Is it time for a date night? 

… to communicate, face-to-face…

… to connect emotionally …

Intentionally share yourself with your spouse. 

Date Night. With a purpose.

…arise, my love, my beautiful one, and come away. 

O my dove, in the clefts of the rock,

in the crannies of the cliff,

let me see your face, let me hear your voice”

Song of Solomon 2:13-14

Is it time for a date night-

 

Hope Faith Love Prayer Action

 I’m sure you’ve already heard of the book by Gary Chapman, The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts – but in case you have yet to read it… please – take the time!

Really. You’re relationship will be forever changed!

It’s the first resource that Robert and I recommend for anyone. Everyone. It’s easy to understand, and easy to do. Yup. It has the big picture and the practical.

There are 5 ways we feel loved – and one of them is our primary way. So many spouses believe they’re communicating their love, and yet the other isn’t “getting” it. This book will get you on the road to solving that problem.

Have you read it a while ago? Maybe it’s time to re-read it. Together. With your spouse!

AH… another date night activity?

Take Back Date Night
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Wednesday Prayer Girls