Procrastination is a Poison in Your Marriage

Procrastination is a Poison in Your Marriage

I’ve been researching time management and procrastination. And yes, I’ll say it before you can think it: All the research might count as procrastination. ūüėČ I’ve ingested the poison of procrastination often…

Theo saying ohHere’s my confession: ¬†We have a small issue with doing things at the last moment. Sometimes it’s a time management issue – sometimes it’s a procrastination poison. And when I say “we”, I mean me.¬†And Robert.¬†And our adult kids.

Are you seeing a trend? We have a new grandboy, and I really don’t want to pass this trend on to the next generation… Our family’s inside joke is to use the hashtag ¬†#fergusontime — usually in a text to each other when we’re running late.

Being Aware of Procrastination

As soon as I find myself procrastinating, I realized I need to be self-aware¬†and¬†determine exactly why I’m procrastinating…

Exactly. In detail. What am I afraid of? By being brutally honest with myself over the reason I’m procrastinating, I can address the fear (and it’s usually a stupid fear), to¬†develop a solution, work-around, or strategy to begin – or more often, finish -whatever I’m avoiding. Yeah. I’m a great starter, but haven’t been as successful at finishing. Yet.

Here are 9 reasons we all procrastinate:

  • fear of the outcome (good or bad)
  • helplessness over a lack of knowledge
  • boredom – a lack of interest
  • perfectionism – if you can’t be perfect, what’s the point?
  • saving energy for something else (otherwise known as laziness)
  • fatigue – being¬†just too tired, physically and mentally
  • rebellion/resentment over the task
  • no motivation – holding the belief that taking action won’t get you anything
  • distraction – too many other things taking precedence

Have you ever encountered any of these issues? 

9 reasons we procrastinate

I’m going to guess that you can relate with one or more of these nine reasons to procrastinate. I’m going to suggest that you’ve encountered them¬†in many areas of your life;¬†in your job, in your household work,¬†in your health, in your fitness, in your undeclared goals (like writing a book, running a marathon, starting a business etc.), in parenting, and in¬†relationships.

Do you ever procrastinate when it comes to your marriage?

  • Do you put off spending time with your spouse because you really don’t want to talk about a certain issue?
  • Do you let the busy-ness of life supersede your relationship?
  • Are you fed-up with not having the marriage you’d hoped to have, so you avoid your spouse?

Where has procrastination crept into your relationship with your husband or wife?

I’m guessing you’ve used all these nine reasons to procrastinate in your marriage relationship at various times, for varying reasons… ¬†I just need to say:

Procrastination is an enemy of encouragement.

Yes. Just like procrastination is an enemy of achieving anything in life – succumbing to procrastination ensures¬†you’ll never encourage your husband or wife. ¬†And… next I’ll have the audacity to¬†take it¬†further: ¬†

Procrastination poisons marriages.

Procrastination is a poison that causes good-hearted people, married to each other, to:

  1. Never make¬†a¬†positive impact in their marriage. They’re too caught up in the “what if” syndrome.
  2. Get stuck. A lack of information is like quicksand, sucking them down.
  3. Become a slave to boredom. Those spouses lose sight of how to make use of change.
  4. Circle the road to perfection.¬†Nothing gets done because they’re trying to be¬†perfect.
  5. Stop reacting¬†to the warning sirens.¬†They have no idea what’s really important.
  6. Collapse. They’re too tired to build a life filled with meaning.
  7. Lose connection with each other. They use procrastination to express their resentment.
  8. Grow apart. They’re so distracted by a million items, that they forget they’re a team.

Sounds pretty grim, doesn’t it… As I was researching, I realized how damaging procrastination really is to marriages.

And the¬†realization that procrastination is poisoning marriages got me to take action… I kicked my own¬†proclivity¬†to procrastinate to the curb, and !finished! a book.¬†

moving past procrastination to a great marriage

Moving Past Procrastination to a great marriage!

In the book I detail all nine reasons why we procrastinate in our marriage, and provide work-arounds, solutions, and suggestions to move past those procrastination poisons.

The book is available this weekend РFriday, April 29, 2016 till Monday May 2, 2016 Р for FREE! The digital version will be free to download to your ereader (Kindle) or Kindle app on your smartphone, tablet or computer.

Click HERE

If you’ve ever procrastinated in your marriage, you’ll find this book valuable. Check it out!

The book is also available in paperback.

What if you want to get the free digital version, but don’t own a Kindle eReader? ¬†You can download the Kindle app to your smartphone, tablet, or computer. Click on the picture below to learn how.

kindle download free kindle reading apps

Has procrastination impacted your life?

procrastination is a poison in your marriage - most past procrastination to a great marriage

Music to Introduce Date Night

Music to Introduce Date Night

Robert used music to introduce date night, and to change my¬†mood after a long day…

I’ve been entertaining a young man during the day on Mondays, Tuesdays and Thursdays. He’s adorable, even when he’s demanding my attention with all his vocal ability. In addition, I’ve been revisiting all kinds of entertainment with this new guy, including the lyrics to the songs in Robin Hood (the animated Disney version), and Mary Poppins. They’re fun, but not what I’d call romantic.

Who is this new guy in my life?

Theo and date night music

This is our grandboy, Theodore. He’s 4 months old, and quite a fellow.¬†His bald head is great to kiss.¬†His smile makes me feel like I’ve won an award, and his baby-babble is mesmerizing.

However, after a day of baby joy, Robert knows I’m going to be tired. I’m so tired, that my arms feel like they’re going to fall off… ’cause this guy is heavy. Yes, he’s a 20-pound armful.

Using Music To Introduce Date Night

We were driving back to our little house-on-wheels after a day with the grandboy, and our evening was open for a bit of a date night. Robert knew I was tired.

He’d already planned ahead.

As we drove, he used his phone to queue up a song on our truck’s audio system… ¬†and said,

“How about we watch a movie together?”

First he played this song…

(if you can’t see the video – go here:¬†https://youtu.be/H2syST_MPn8 )

If only you could have seen the smile on my face…

The Last of the Mohicans is one of my most favorite movies. It’s romantic and yet full of adventure. And Daniel Day Lewis.

Then Robert said,

“Or we could watch this movie…”

and queued up the next song…

(if you can’t see the video click here: https://youtu.be/_DVrU04Mm_E )

That’s the movie, “Love Actually” – another of my favorite romantic, feel-good movies…

We’ve spent 36 years getting to know each other, so it’s easy to list our favorites. How about you? Do you know which romantic movies your spouse likes?

The Power of Music

Just hearing those soundtracks changed my mood…

I reached for Rob’s hand, and let out a big sigh…

Just like that, my focus was fully on my husband.

(Not that cute, little bundle I’d left behind, and would see the next day.)

Have you tried the power of music to change your mood?

Spend a little time looking up the theme songs from romantic movies you and your spouse love to watch – perhaps you even have them already in your movie library at home.

Make a play list of theme songs that immediately bring a smile to your face. Use the power of music to get you in the mood to reconnect with your spouse. 

What are some of your favorite “date-night” movies?

Using Music to Introduce a Movie Date Night

(Just a Note—The movies I’ve listed are our favorites, but some of you reading this post might find them a bit risque or violent. Everyone has different triggers, and must make¬†their own decision on what is appropriate.).

Do you admire your spouse?

Do you admire your spouse?

Does your spouse admire you? 

At a recent bridal shower, we played a game. It involved a bowl full of candies¬†and we all chose three different colored candies. Each color of candy was connected to a concept¬†– and¬†we were challenged to share with the group our responses…

Who do you admire

The orange candy was connected to the concept, “Someone you admire & look up to and why.”

A few of us chose the orange candy. As our turn came to respond to the questions, it was interesting to hear stories about who we admired and why. (I chose an orange candy, and told everyone about my friend, Donna.)

One of the ladies talked about admiring her husband. Why?  Because he never complains.

“I admire my spouse because he doesn’t complain.”

She went to on to detail her admiration and explained that though he worked very hard, every morning he got up Рyet again Рto go to work, without complaining.

He didn’t complain about the house, about the children, about a multitude of things in their life that she felt were quite worthy of complaint.¬†She contrasted her response¬†to his, and it was¬†fully¬†evident she¬†respected¬†and admired his non-complaining attitude and subsequent behavior.

This was my first time to meet this lady, and though I’ve never met her husband, boy-oh-boy, did I want to!¬†

What great leadership qualities this man must possess…¬†

Read more about leadership principles on our post at Lead Like Jesus!¬†Complainer or Encourager?”

When we admire our spouse, it impacts more than the two involved…

There is a ripple effect, which reaches an unimaginable number of people. See – all the ladies, married or not, around the bridal shower table, now know about this man whose wife admires him. ¬†You’re reading about this husband who doesn’t complain, and his wife who admires him. (How could I not write about this?)

Do you admire your husband or wife?

Why?

Have you ever told your spouse that you admire her/him, and why?

Maybe you’re having difficulty thinking of reasons you admire your spouse… or maybe expressing those reasons is hard for you. I’ve created a downloadable free resource to help you explore this idea. It grew out of a post I wrote years ago, “101 Phrases to Encourage Your Spouse”, and the¬†companion video. This exercise is connected to the 7th phrase, “You’re amazing!”.

Do you admire your spouse? How you tell her/him that they're AMAZING? Use this resource to start.

Admire your spouse - the impact will astonish you. What character qualities do you admire?

Click to PIN!

Cooking with Elise – Greek Style Chicken Marinade

Cooking with Elise – Greek Style Chicken Marinade

Cooking, Baking and Creating… oh my! ¬†That’s my friend Elise. She’s always encouraging her husband, and her family and friends with her cooking.¬†I met Elise Johnson more than five years ago- she’s a wife, mom and chef. Her great big laugh, delightful conversation, and enthusiastic persona has been a blessing to our family. (Our sons were friends in college, and it was through them that we got know each other.) Some of the best cooking I’ve eaten has been sitting at her table, or trying out her recipes.

Cooking to Encourage Your Husband

Elise loves her husband – and when she cooks, she’ll often refer to how Mike enjoys this or that dish.

From a post on Elise’s website:

I appreciate how hard my husband works. He‚Äôs smart. He‚Äôs a hard worker. He is very thoughtful. Did I forget handsome?¬†My hubby has been traveling a great deal the last month or so. When I found out that he was coming home for lunch today ‚Äď I was happy.¬†I decided to surprise him by making our family‚Äôs favorite homemade pizzas… ¬†

One of the pizzas she made, used her Greek Style Roasted Chicken. This chicken, roasted after sitting in a Greek style marinade, is so delicious.

Roasted Greek Style Chicken from Cooking with Elise

Making the marinade:

In a large container with a lid, combine olive oil, garlic powder, oregano, basil, pepper, salt, onion powder, mustard, vinegar, parsley and feta cheese crumbles. Stir well.

Rinse your chicken under water (cleaning your sink immediately) dry the chicken off with paper towels and place in your marinade. Toss around to coat well. Refrigerate for 30 minutes or more.

Preheat your oven to 400 degrees F. Place chicken on a broiler pan lined with a grate that has been sprayed with a non-stick cooking spray. Place your chicken breasts on the grate and roast in the oven for 30 to 40 minutes until the inside is no longer pink and the juices run clear. You can also test the temperature. The proper temperature for chicken breasts should reach 165 Degrees F.

To get the list of exact ingredients and measurements, and more tips – go to Cooking with Elise for the full recipe! Click HERE!

Cooking with Elise

In addition to her many recipes on her website, Elise has a cookbook – “You Never Cook Alone” available on Amazon.¬†

It has recipes with carefully detailed instructions, but more than that, it feels like a glimpse into the history of a family. From stories written by her sons, to memories of her grandmother (Vavo), to descriptions of fabulous family/friend events.

The book is organized into two parts – the first is 11 Eventful Meals, and the second part has recipes and stories arranged to feel like a culinary trip around the world (no passport necessary)! Tucked away into the last part of the book are organizational, money-saving & meal planning tips. It’s definitely more than ‘just’ some recipes in a book!

 

Check out the recipe – and try it for your spouse!

Is there a chicken recipe your spouse loves you to make – leave a comment and let us know. :-)

cooking to encourage your spouse

 

An Excellent Marriage Needs Encouragement

An Excellent Marriage Needs Encouragement

An excellent marriage – that’s what you say you want, huh? Do your actions support your desire?

A marriage relationship filled with meaning and purpose doesn’t just show up… it takes consistent and focused investment.¬†

And it starts with you.

If you want an excellent marriage, what are you putting into it?

Encourage your spouse with hope for a great future – together!

  • are you talking about your future together, dreaming about what could be?
  • are you making plans for conquering an issue that’s been holding you both captive?
  • are you planning for some fun and learning with your spouse – soon?

Explore ideas about¬†Inspring with HOPE…¬†encourage with hope

Encourage your spouse with your faith in God’s goodness.

  • are you spending time, reading God’s Word, building up your understanding?
  • are you memorizing scripture – filling your arsenal to defend¬†your marriage from the evil one?
  • are you reminding your spouse about how faithful God has been, and will be?

More about Fortifying with your Faith

faith - round

Encourage your spouse with love that has no prerequisites.

  • are you demonstrating a Godly love – loving your spouse despite their flaws (and yours)?
  • are you reaching out – being the first to react with love, and demonstrating it in new ways?
  • are you pushing yourself to grow your love for each other?

Love – without prerequisites or barriers – read more…

foster with love

Encourage your spouse with detailed and strong prayer.

  • are you praying? Are you talking with God, growing close to Him?
  • are you praying for your spouse?
  • are you praying specifically, deeply, with a strength like never before?

Uplift your spouse with prayer – here’s how…

uplift with prayer

Encourage your spouse with action – that extra, over-the-top action which only a spouse can provide…

  • are you¬†paying attention to what your spouse needs?
  • are you building up your spouse – you’re a team – are you working for your spouse’s interests?.
  • are you using your gifts, talents and strengths to support your spouse?

and supporting with action – some ideas

support with action

Invest in your marriage – encourage your spouse!

All kinds of married couples talk about wanting a good marriage. But that “good” marriage doesn’t just happen – it needs an investment – over time – to bring huge benefits.¬†

When’s a good time to begin encouraging your spouse? On your wedding day. When’s the next best time to begin encouraging your spouse… ¬†right now!

Want an excellent marriage - encourage your spouse. Here's how to use hope, faith, love, prayer and action to encourage...

Hope Faith Love Prayer Action

Stamped mothers jewelry

Nelle and Lizzy Words to Live By Encouragement Silver Bracelet
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