How do you work through issues in your marriage – and adjust?
I don’t mean compromise. (because that puts the emphasis on giving up something)
Adjust.

Alter or move slightly,
permit small alterations or movements
to achieve a desired result.

Needing to adjust means what you’re doing isn’t working.

Needing to adjust means where you are no longer fits.

Needing to adjust means who has precedence needs to change.

Needing to adjust means your “why” has shifted.

Needing to adjust means your when is no longer relevant.

So how do you handle adjustments?

I read a wonderful post by Erin at Mystery32 that got me thinking…

Erin and her husband Matt are expecting their first baby this spring. Being the last Christmas before baby, they had specific plans – then their Christmas plans were derailed.  I recommend you take the time to read about how that got her thinking about adjustments and marriage. She’s very wise.

Here’s her summation:

Big or small, my encouragement to you is to choose adjustment.

This will pull you in ways you never thought possible

and stretch you into a person that I believe God wants you to be.

The more we fight it instead of adjusting to it,

the more issues we end up making in the end.

Ah, yes.

Issues.

Do your issues cause you pain?

• physical issues: health issues, mobility issues, disease issues, age issues.
• relationship issues: friend issues, marriage issues, parental issues, child issues.
• income issues: bank-account issues, bill issues, investment issues, not enough issues.
• mental issues: fear, uncertainty and doubt issues, question and concern issues.
• faith issues: doubt, doubt, doubt, doubt, and doubt, church-family issues, doctrine issues.

 Are you tired of the pain from your issues?

Sometimes people get used to pain. It becomes their ‘normal’. It’s like when you have a headache for a few days, then on the third day you wake and the headache is gone; you forget how good it feels not to have a headache! Have you become complacent in the face of your pain?

Or are you ready to make an adjustment to ease your pain?

My mother has gone to a chiropractor since she was a teenager. She is convinced that her weekly appointment with the chiropractor is directly related to her physical health and mobility. He doesn’t do much – it only takes a few minutes. Once a week she goes for an “adjustment”.  Seriously. That’s what it’s called!

An adjustment: manipulation to correct spinal subluxations (misalignment) detected during the examination – applied pressure to the bone “unlocks” it from its improper position and the bone becomes free to align itself correctly.

Whether or not you agree with Chiropractic, the concept for our issues is interesting.

How can we manipulate our lives to correct issues and then become aligned?

Put yourself under some pressure – face the issue head on. 

Do you ignore issues? Bury them?  Hope they go away?   I’m raising my hands- both of them!

I hate to say this, but Erin’s wise words stand true: (paraphrased) “The more we ignore issues – instead of adjusting – the more issues we end up making in the end.”

Well, drat.

Ignore your physical issues and your life will end.  Or your quality of life, anyhow. Ignore your relationship issues, and you will have zero relationships. Or your relationships will be toxic. Ignore your income issues and you will loose your physical security. No shelter. No food. Ignore your mental issues and you will loose your sanity. Or your ability to function and make decisions. Ignore your faith issues and you will die. Spiritual death – separation from God and grace.

Wow. Now I’ve got myself depressed, and this blog is supposed to be about encouragement…  Let’s turn this around:

By putting some pressure on the issues, instead of ignoring them, you have the opportunity to make small adjustments. Not radical surgery – just adjustments.

What are some small, slight movements you could make?

• Physical Adjustment : Move for 5 minutes (extra) every day and track it. Eat a piece of fruit at every meal.  Take a vitamin. Fill your brain with new information about health, visit a nutritionist, make friends with a chef, etc.  There’s lots of health advice out there this time of year – plug in.
• Relational Adjustment: Learn about the 5 Love Languages, and then apply it.  Apologize effectively. Be kind. Decide what being a friend means… then be a friend. Hint? Start with your spouse. Look for a marriage mentor.
• Income Adjustments: Take the Dave Ramsey Financial Peace program – then apply it, get a second job, cook at home, eat less (that’ll help with the physical adjustments too), read and learn from trusted resources, find a financial adviser and make a plan.
• Mental Adjustments: Ask for prayer. Pray with someone. And if you’re struggling with depression, reach out.  Today. Ask for help to find a counselor – ask your doctor, ask your minister, ask your friends. Just those two actions of seeking help will make enough of an adjustment to your fears, doubts, worries and concerns to take you into tomorrow. If you live in the USA check out NAMI. Remember, adjustment – not surgery.
• Faith Adjustments: Read the Word. Blow the dust off the Bible, and open it. If you can’t understand the words, that’s OK – many, many people feel daunted and perplexed. Go to BibleGateway.com and explore one – just one – Bible verse in all different translations until you feel a spark. Do you know someone who lives in a Christ-like way? Call them now, and arrange a time to meet and ask about their relationship with Christ. Attend a church. I know – there’s no perfect church. That’s because there’s no such thing as a perfect person, and churches are full of imperfect sinners. They seek adjustment from hearing the Word.  Would you refuse to go to a hospital because it’s filled with sick people?

Take a look at the CMBA (Christian Marriage Bloggers Association) links – there is so much wisdom on every aspect of relationships: health, sex, relationships,  finances, faith.

What does this have to do with encouraging your spouse? 

I’m going to go out on a limb here…

Is there a chance that you are the issue?

(sorry to bring it up)

 If you adjust to address an issue, your spouse will be encouraged.

Yes. Yes. Yes.

I know.  Your spouse is a part of the issue. That’s what you’re thinking, right?

Let’s shelve that thought for now, OK?

Let’s go back to Erin’s words:

Big or small, my encouragement to you is to choose adjustment.

This will pull you in ways you never thought possible

and stretch you into a person that I believe God wants you to be.

Become the person God wants you to be – pull and stretch.

Permit God to lead you through the small movements, and alterations for His desired result.

His desired result.

What adjustment will you make today?

 Linking up with:

Winsome Wednesdays

Teach Me Tuesdays

Whole Hearted Home Wednesdays

Into the Word Wednesdays