What will the years teach?

As I’m researching and writing on encouragement in marriage, I’m making it a habit to interview and talk to people married a long time.  (“long-time” is relative to where you are in your marriage, I’d imagine. )

When I see a couple married more than 40 or 50 years, I see two people who have persevered. 

The reason I’m interviewing them is not because I believe they have a perfect marriage.  Even I’m not that naive – there’s no such thing as “perfect” and every relationship has weathered storms.  The reason I’m asking them questions is because I believe they’ll have something to share – something to teach.  And I’m never disappointed.

Here are some of the questions I ask – (as appropriate, of course, to the couple):

• Tell me a little bit about your courtship – the road to getting married.
• Has there been a person who you admire, or has had an impact on you as a husband/wife?  Why and how did this person impact your life?
• How do you make important decisions? Do you have a process?  Who has final “say”.  Why?
• How do you encourage each other? (or how do you handle situations when your spouse is feeling down)
• Do you set aside specific times to talk, or plan? Has this changed over the years?
• How do you ensure you and your spouse are aligned in your core values?
• Do you have a daily routine?  Is it important? (How has this changed since you’ve been married?)
• What strengths or assets do you possess both individually and as a couple that has made your marriage successful all these years.
• What is one characteristic that you believe every husband should possess? (for a successful marriage)
• What is one characteristic you believe every wife should possess? (for a successful marriage)
• What are a few resources you would recommend to someone wanting to become a better husband or wife?
• What advice would you give someone going into a marriage?
• What are you doing to ensure you continue to grow in your marriage?  (how do you invest in your relationship)

The questions are focused to learn what is/was positive in their marriage.

I’ve heard some amazing stories.  I’ve learned a lot.

I challenge you – ask yourself and your spouse:

“What positive things have we learned over the years?”

The answers may surprise you! 

And I’d love to know too!  (if you’d like to share – please shoot me an email at lori @ encourage your spouse (dot) com!)

If you you’re interested,  here are 2 stories from the interviews:

http://encourageyourspouse.com/2008/10/results-from-100-100/

http://encourageyourspouse.com/2008/05/know-what-makes-your-spouse-feel-special/

My challenge to myself over the next 6 weeks, is to focus on interviewing.  I’ll blog a bit about each interview (formal or informal).   Maybe you can keep me accountable?